The_Minister Moderator
#1

Every forum should have a funny side, so, stolen from many sources

An Economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.

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An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects. The astrologer says, "Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion". The econometrician replies, "That's because of external shocks. Stars don't have those".

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Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.

Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to assume the existence of ladders.

Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.
A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.

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Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before journey the mathematicians bought 3 tickets (they could count to three) and the economists only one. The mathematicians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists went to the nearest toilet. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the loo, knocked on the door and in reply saw a hand with the ticket. He checked it and the economists saved 2/3 of the ticket price.

Next day the mathematicians decided to use the same strategy - they bought only one ticket, but the economists did not buy tickets at all. When the mathematicians saw the conductor they went to the loo, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back. Why? The economists took it and went to the other toilet.

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A civil engineer, a chemist and an economist are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says. The civil engineer volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.

In a short time they're awakened by a knock. It's the engineer, who says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal." The chemist says that, OK, he'll sleep in the barn.

The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock. It's the chemist who says, "There's a pig in that barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal." So the economist is sent to the barn. It's getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.

But they're awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's the cow and the pig!

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Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a metre to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a metre to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"

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Reproduced below is an Economist Joke that illustrates the separate facilities solution to an externality problem.

Three guys decide to play a round of golf: a priest, a psychologist, and an economist.

They get behind a *very* slow two-some, who, despite a caddy, are taking all day to line up their shots and four-putting every green, and so on. By the 8th hole, the three men are complaining loudly about the slow play ahead and swearing a blue streak, and so on. The priest says, "Holy Mary, I pray that they should take some lessons before they play again." The psychologist says, "I swear there are people that like to play golf slowly." The economist says, "I realy didn't expect to spend this much time playing a round of golf."

By the 9th hole, they have had it with slow play, so the psychologist goes to the caddy and demands that they be allowed to play through. The caddy says O.K., but then explains that the two golfers are blind, that both are retired firemen who lost their eyesight saving people in a fire, and that explains their slow play, and would they please not swear and complain so loud.

The priest is mortified; he says, "Here I am a man of the cloth and I've been swearing at the slow play of two blind men." The psychologist is also mortified; he says, "Here I am a man trained to help others with their problems and I've been complaining about the slow play of two blind men."

The economist ponders the situation-finally he goes back to the caddy and says, "Listen, the next time, could they play at night?"

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An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were were arguing about what was God's real profession. The philosopher said, "Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live." "Ridiculous!" said the biologist "Before that, God created man and woman and all living things so clearly he was a biologist." "Wrong," said the architect. "Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!" "Well," said the economist, "where do you think the chaos came from?"

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Its quite obvious from the above that most economics jokes are ****. There must be know demand for good ones.

Only the last one is mine, the rest are copy and paste.

The_Minister Moderator
#2

Several funny ones from a website dedicated to economics jokes. I won't take too many as someone put lots of work into the site, but check it out anyway.


A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.

"What a crummy deal!" the man complained. "I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman."

An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

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Economics is the only field in which two people can receive a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.

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An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

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A veteran economist and a rookie economist are walking down the road. They come across a spoiled apple lying on the asphalt. Says the veteran economist, "If you eat it, I'll give you $20,000!"

The rookie economist runs his optimization model and figures out that he's better off eating it. He does so and collects the money.

Continuing along the same road, they almost step on a spoiled banana. The rookie economist states, "Now, if you eat that banana, I'll give you $20,000." After evaluating the proposal, the veteran economist eats the spoiled fruit, and soon collects the money.

As they continue walking, the rookie economist starts thinking and states, "Listen. We both have the same amount of money we had before, but we both ate spoiled fruit. I don't see us being better off."

Replies the veteran economist, "Well that's true, but you overlook the fact that we've just been involved in $40,000 of trade."

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"Someone once said about economists that they use economic data the way a drunkard uses a lamppost--for support rather than illumination."

"Or as Disraeli put it, there are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics." (Paul Krugman)

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Economic forecasting is like trying to drive a car blindfolded and following directions given by a person who is looking out of the back window.


And Finally, my favorite:

Achieving free trade is like getting to heaven. Everyone wants to get there, but not too soon.

Time Magazine Registered User
#3

I love economics jokes. Nerds all the way.

From one of my lecturers:

Exogenous Shockers: Top Econ Pick-Up Lines
22. Is that a supply curve in your pocket?
21. Your presence is one big positive externality.
20. What do you say to a little spatial-based modeling, eh?
19. There are no diminishing returns with you.
18. I suggest you lower barriers to entry to encourage free exchange.
17. With you there is no reason to diversify my portfolio.
16. I love you, ceteris paribus.
15. I thought the junk bond crisis of the 1980s was the great bust.
14. Being your prisoner is no dilemma.
13. You maximize my utility every day.
12. Whoa, you're the most robust model I've seen in a while.
11. I'm not indifferent towards those curves!
10. My interest in you has compounded continuously.
9. When I'm with you I experience hyperinflation.
8. I love it when you whisper sweet equations in my ear.
7. Nice asymptotes!
6. You're deriving me crazy.
5. You enjoy monopoly power over my heart.
4. That wage constraint isn't the only thing that's looking mighty kinky.
3. You are unique, well, at least locally.
2. More of you is always better.
1. I'll be capital, you be labor - you know the rest.


Troglodyte Registered User
#4

How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The invisible hand does it for them.

Tricity Bendix Registered User
#5

The First Law of Economists: For every economist there exists an equal and opposite economist

Second Law of Economists: They're both wrong.


"We have 2 classes of forecasters: Those who don't know, and those who don't know they don't know." - Ken Galbraith


Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.

Q: How many doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.


Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"

europerson Registered User
#6

The economics chat-up lines are great. I haven't tried them though. Perhaps, I'll run an econometric analysis first.

zaraba No man is a River Island
#7

The fact that I found those funny is sad...

The fact that I almost got fined for laughing in the library is depressing....

The_Minister Moderator
#8

original_psycho

The fact that I almost got fined for laughing in the library is depressing....

They can fine you for laughing? That's harsh. In UCD its €10 if your phone goes off, but they just tell you to shut up if you laugh.

On Topic:

Q. What does an economist do?

A. A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.


Q: How many Trotskyists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. Smash it


Economic Bumpersticker:
Economists do it with models


Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.

Time Magazine Registered User
#9

Economists do it discretely and continuously.

Pythia Registered User
#10

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows
and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows.
The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: (i love this one)
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRISH FARMER:
You have two cows.
You claim government subsidies for eight cows

J.S. Pill Registered User
#11

Here's one my old Economist teacher used to tell us:


An Economist, an Engineer and a blacksmith were washed up on a desert island. After a few days, a crate of tinned peaches was washed up on the shore. Unfortunately, none on the men had a tin opener so they all set about solving the problem. The Blacksmith began gathering material for the tin opener while the engineer began designing it. The economist just lay back against a palm tree and relaxed. He assumed they had a tin opener.

zaraba No man is a River Island
#12

Ripped from here...

UNDERSTANDING ENRON...

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help take care of them and you all share the milk.

APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

SOUTH AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you into the army.

EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The EU Commission decides which regulations for feeding and milking apply. If there aren't any, they invent some. They pay you not to milk the cows. They take both cows, shoot one, milk the other and pour the milk down the drain. They then require you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.


A very good joke !

Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a country road. A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wrist watch and a Bhs tie gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?" The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling field of sheep and says: "Okay." The young man parks the SUV, connects his notebook and wireless modem, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here." The shepherd answers: "That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man takes one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle. The shepherd looks at him and asks: "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?" The young man answers: "Sure." The shepherd says: "You are a consultant." "Exactly! How did you know," asks the young man? "Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third, you do not understand anything about my business and I'd really like to have my dog back."

james80000 Registered User
#13

A Japanese man goes into a bureau de change in London. He asks to change his 10,000 Yen and gets £35 for it. He puts the money into his wallet, thinking that he has been ripped off. He leaves slightly disgruntled but does not say anything.The following week he gets a check from his hometown for 10,000 Yen. Delighted with this he heads to the same bank. This time he gets only £32. He is really annoyed and decides to speak up. "What is going on here, last week I was here with 10,000 Yen and I got £35, now it's only £32". The man behind the desk looks at him and calmly says "Fluctuations". The Japanese man, absolutely irate at this point screams back "Fluck you British too!"

europerson Registered User
#14

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Market forces.

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