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dipdipdoo · 29-06-2012, 10:04

Hi there,

A friend asked me to be her bridesmaid, and, having been a bridesmaid several times before, which I thought was fun, I accepted.

The wedding is now in 10 weeks time, I have helped her with all kinds of decisions, have discussed problems with her, have gone shopping with her to find her wedding dress, but we hadn't yet got around to sorting out the bridesmaid dresses.

Time now running out, we went shopping yesterday. As we set out, I asked her what her budget was, and her sister (maid of honour) jumped down my throat and said that the bridesmaids always pay for their own dresses. They both seemed really angry with me that I had even suggested that it might be otherwise, but honestly, for every wedding I have ever been in (or attended), the bride and groom covered the costs of the bridesmaids.

Earlier on in the process, I got the impression that we were to pay for our own make-up and hair, which I am totally fine with, but now it looks like we are covering our total costs.

In addition, they have decided to have a second day at the wedding, but they say they can't afford the meal, so they are getting the guests to pay for their own dinner. I'm not sure any of the guests know this yet.

The maid of honour has also told me that not only will there be a hen night, but there will be a bridal shower too (with gifts, food, games, etc., all laid on by the bridesmaids). And the bride has said that she wants to do a day in a spa too.

I am totally supportive of my friend having a very special day, but I don't know how to handle this. Having to pay for the bridesmaid dress (adhering to her colour choices, etc.) is just not something I expected. Am I being unreasonable? Is this the norm now?

Please help!

louise5754 · 29-06-2012, 10:11

No way are you being unreasonable. Thats mad that they want you to pay for your own dress!! It sounds like she wants a huge wedding but none of the expense. Are you also expected to cover the cost of the hen night, wedding shower and spa day??

TillyGirl · 29-06-2012, 10:11

That's ridiculous, tell her to f off. seriously some people think they and their wedding is the most important thing in the world.

sbsquarepants · 29-06-2012, 10:12

You've got to be joking!
I've never been a bridesmaid (wrong gender!) but that is absolutely ridiculous, your "friend" sounds like a spoiled little bitch. I wouldn't be having any part of it to be honest.

endacl · 29-06-2012, 10:15

I want a mars bar, but I'm out of cash. So no mars bar for me.

If she can't pay for a 'special day', then she can't have a special day. Silly girl.

dipdipdoo · 29-06-2012, 10:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by louise5754

Are you also expected to cover the cost of the hen night, wedding shower and spa day??

I think so. The maid of honour contacted me and asked me to host the bridal shower, which would mean that I would provide the food and a substantial portion of drink. I said that I was happy to, but that I would only be able to do either the bridal shower or the hen, because I can't afford to do both. She got a bit arsey about it, and said that the shower would only cost about €20. I'm not sure how she came up with that figure.

Sleepy · 29-06-2012, 10:29

Send your friend a link to this thread. She'll be told that she's being absolutely unreasonable.

I've seen bridesmaids cover the cost of their own dress before on shows like "Don't Tell The Bride" etc. but most of those have seemed to be a case of the groom blowing the budget and asking the bridesmaids could he settle up with them after the wedding (i.e. with his own cash rather than the production company's).

If they're working on that tight a budget you could offer to pay for the dress, shoes, make-up etc and consider it your present to the bride and groom?

bryaner · 29-06-2012, 10:35

Some people are just incredible, I would not consider the bride as a friend op, all fur coat and no knickers comes to mind..

bette · 29-06-2012, 10:37

Walk the other way! With friends like that...

Steven81 · 29-06-2012, 10:38

Take the cost of your dress out of the wedding money you giving them

testicle · 29-06-2012, 10:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steven81

Take the cost of your dress out of the wedding money you giving them

Or just don't give them a present. I wouldn't in this case.

Dovies · 29-06-2012, 10:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steven81

Take the cost of your dress out of the wedding money you giving them

Don't give them any at all!

Jogathon · 29-06-2012, 10:43

Unbelievable. Not the normal thing at all. I can't believe that they want you to pay for a dress that you're wearing as a favour to them, and will probably never wear again! I'd tell her that you'll buy the dress, but it'll be your wedding present to her. As for the shower, host it, but cook everything yourself and it could be done for €50. Drink should be brought by guests - cos who would turn up with both arms hanging anyway! That way you are not causing any grief or dramatics before the wedding and you'll come out as being the bigger person.

On a sidenote - imagine the stunned guests who have to pay for their own meal on the second day!!!! Hilarious!

bette · 29-06-2012, 10:44

Why bother with conflict? Just walk away from the angry ladies. Tell them you don't agree with their financial nonsense. You will be in their bad books either way so why incur the expense as well?

**Moonbeam** · 29-06-2012, 10:45

If you want someone to wear a certain dress then you pay for it simple,she should also pay for your hair and make up. That is the way things are normally done.
Is she expecting you to pay for your own hotel room too?
I think she is being completely unreasonable .
Are the groomsmen paying for their own suit hire?

I have heard of bridesmaids helping out their bride friend on a budget by offering to pay half the price or the full price of the bridesmaids dresses as a present to help out but never been told that they had to.

29-06-2012, 10:04	#1
dipdipdoo Registered User Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 23 Adverts \| Friends	Wasn't told I would have to pay for bridesmaid dress Hi there, A friend asked me to be her bridesmaid, and, having been a bridesmaid several times before, which I thought was fun, I accepted. The wedding is now in 10 weeks time, I have helped her with all kinds of decisions, have discussed problems with her, have gone shopping with her to find her wedding dress, but we hadn't yet got around to sorting out the bridesmaid dresses. Time now running out, we went shopping yesterday. As we set out, I asked her what her budget was, and her sister (maid of honour) jumped down my throat and said that the bridesmaids always pay for their own dresses. They both seemed really angry with me that I had even suggested that it might be otherwise, but honestly, for every wedding I have ever been in (or attended), the bride and groom covered the costs of the bridesmaids. Earlier on in the process, I got the impression that we were to pay for our own make-up and hair, which I am totally fine with, but now it looks like we are covering our total costs. In addition, they have decided to have a second day at the wedding, but they say they can't afford the meal, so they are getting the guests to pay for their own dinner. I'm not sure any of the guests know this yet. The maid of honour has also told me that not only will there be a hen night, but there will be a bridal shower too (with gifts, food, games, etc., all laid on by the bridesmaids). And the bride has said that she wants to do a day in a spa too. I am totally supportive of my friend having a very special day, but I don't know how to handle this. Having to pay for the bridesmaid dress (adhering to her colour choices, etc.) is just not something I expected. Am I being unreasonable? Is this the norm now? Please help! Last edited by dipdipdoo; 29-06-2012 at 15:35.

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29-06-2012, 10:11	#2
louise5754 Registered User Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 63 Adverts \| Friends	No way are you being unreasonable. Thats mad that they want you to pay for your own dress!! It sounds like she wants a huge wedding but none of the expense. Are you also expected to cover the cost of the hen night, wedding shower and spa day??

29-06-2012, 10:11	#3
TillyGirl Registered User Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Galway Posts: 2,218 Adverts \| Friends	That's ridiculous, tell her to f off. seriously some people think they and their wedding is the most important thing in the world.

29-06-2012, 10:12	#4
sbsquarepants Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3,591 Adverts \| Friends	You've got to be joking! I've never been a bridesmaid (wrong gender!) but that is absolutely ridiculous, your "friend" sounds like a spoiled little bitch. I wouldn't be having any part of it to be honest.

29-06-2012, 10:15	#5
endacl Registered User Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Dublinville, Dublin, Dubland. Rubadub. Posts: 2,439 Adverts \| Friends	I want a mars bar, but I'm out of cash. So no mars bar for me. If she can't pay for a 'special day', then she can't have a special day. Silly girl.

29-06-2012, 10:29	#7
Sleepy Registered User Join Date: May 2003 Location: Clontarf, Dublin 3 Posts: 15,884 Adverts \| Friends	Send your friend a link to this thread. She'll be told that she's being absolutely unreasonable. I've seen bridesmaids cover the cost of their own dress before on shows like "Don't Tell The Bride" etc. but most of those have seemed to be a case of the groom blowing the budget and asking the bridesmaids could he settle up with them after the wedding (i.e. with his own cash rather than the production company's). If they're working on that tight a budget you could offer to pay for the dress, shoes, make-up etc and consider it your present to the bride and groom?

29-06-2012, 10:35	#8
bryaner Registered User Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Meath Posts: 3,062 Adverts \| Friends	Some people are just incredible, I would not consider the bride as a friend op, all fur coat and no knickers comes to mind..

29-06-2012, 10:37	#9
bette Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 441 Adverts \| Friends	Walk the other way! With friends like that...

29-06-2012, 10:38	#10
Steven81 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Athlone Posts: 387 Adverts \| Friends	Take the cost of your dress out of the wedding money you giving them

29-06-2012, 10:43	#13
Jogathon Registered User Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 320 Adverts \| Friends	Unbelievable. Not the normal thing at all. I can't believe that they want you to pay for a dress that you're wearing as a favour to them, and will probably never wear again! I'd tell her that you'll buy the dress, but it'll be your wedding present to her. As for the shower, host it, but cook everything yourself and it could be done for €50. Drink should be brought by guests - cos who would turn up with both arms hanging anyway! That way you are not causing any grief or dramatics before the wedding and you'll come out as being the bigger person. On a sidenote - imagine the stunned guests who have to pay for their own meal on the second day!!!! Hilarious!

29-06-2012, 10:44	#14
bette Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 441 Adverts \| Friends	Why bother with conflict? Just walk away from the angry ladies. Tell them you don't agree with their financial nonsense. You will be in their bad books either way so why incur the expense as well?

29-06-2012, 10:45	#15
Moonbeam Moderator Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: TheLandOfMakeBelieve Posts: 10,221 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Adoption, NCI, Parenting	If you want someone to wear a certain dress then you pay for it simple,she should also pay for your hair and make up. That is the way things are normally done. Is she expecting you to pay for your own hotel room too? I think she is being completely unreasonable . Are the groomsmen paying for their own suit hire? I have heard of bridesmaids helping out their bride friend on a budget by offering to pay half the price or the full price of the bridesmaids dresses as a present to help out but never been told that they had to.