[anniehoo]

Was on a 4th date tonight with a guy i a met a few weeks ago.He's really keen and talking about date no.5...but for me theres just no chemistry. He has so many things i normally look for in a guy: tall,kind,loves animals,ambitious,great dancer....but just not attractive.(i know shoot me) but at the end of the day there has to be attraction.

Im dreading the text/call to say there wont be a another date,but for me if theres no chemistry, theres just no relationship. I feel so bad as if you described this guy on paper he sounds perfect.I feel like a superficial cow right now!

So, how important are the so called "butterflies" to you?How long does it normally take you to make your mind up about a guy you're dating? I know im being too picky and no guy "ticks all boxes" but would you/have you dated someone that personality wise has most of what you're looking for...but looks wise doesnt?

[Larianne]

You are not attracted to him. You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone. It's a crappy situation but try not to beat yourself over it.

There has to be attraction there for me, otherwise they are just friend material. I'd know by the end of the first date.

[krudler]

if you're not feeling it after 4 dates it aint there. there's no point in going out with someone you're not attracted to.

[anniehoo]

Originally Posted by krudler

if you're not feeling it after 4 dates it aint there. there's no point in going out with someone you're not attracted to.

Ah yeh i know, just feeling very shallow now as bar his looks he'd honestly be pretty much perfect.

[Larianne]

Originally Posted by anniehoo

Ah yeh i know, just feeling very shallow now as bar his looks he'd honestly be pretty much perfect.

But its not shallowness that you don't find him attractive! Shallowness would be dumping him because he wore brown shoes on your date.

[krudler]

Originally Posted by anniehoo

Ah yeh i know, just feeling very shallow now as bar his looks he'd honestly be pretty much perfect.

thats not shallow though, shallow would be picking one tiny detail not generally finding them unattractive, put yourself on the flip side, would you like if someone thought you were nice and funny but...not pretty?

[dearg lady]

I wasn't attracted to my current boyfriend when i met him, but the more I got to know him I started to find him attractive. It turned out, the chemistry is there for us. I'd say if the chemistry was there for you, you would start to find him attractive. By this stage it's unlikely to happen, and that doesn't make you shallow!

[MyKeyG]

Why was there a date number four at all? Is there something in particular that you expected to happen? Just curious, it seems like you want to be attracted to him. I mean you would have known on date one that his looks didn't cook your spuds so just wondering what it is about him that made you come back for a fourth date?

In any case you wouldn't like a guy stringing you along so don't do it to him. He clearly thinks things are going well. You need to make up your mind quick and spare his feelings.

[anniehoo]

Originally Posted by MyKeyG

Why was there a date number four at all? Is there something in particular that you expected to happen? Just curious, it seems like you want to be attracted to him. I mean you would have known on date one that his looks didn't cook your spuds so just wondering what it is about him that made you come back for a fourth date?.

Fair enough question. Its been ages since ive gotten a spark/chemistry/butterflies with a guy and i just decided to give this lad a chance (have been single for awhile). Ive normally let my heart rule my head but as that cleeeearly wasnt working i decided to give this lad a chance. Nothing wrong with that i suppose. It really has come down to looks though at the end of the day which is disappointing thats all.

[TheRiddler]

Originally Posted by anniehoo

Was on a 4th date tonight with a guy i a met a few weeks ago.He's really keen and talking about date no.5...but for me theres just no chemistry. He has so many things i normally look for in a guy: tall,kind,loves animals,ambitious,great dancer....but just not attractive.(i know shoot me) but at the end of the day there has to be attraction.

Im dreading the text/call to say there wont be a another date,but for me if theres no chemistry, theres just no relationship. I feel so bad as if you described this guy on paper he sounds perfect.I feel like a superficial cow right now!

So, how important are the so called "butterflies" to you?How long does it normally take you to make your mind up about a guy you're dating? I know im being too picky and no guy "ticks all boxes" but would you/have you dated someone that personality wise has most of what you're looking for...but looks wise doesnt?

Being attracted to somone is what seperates partners to friends, if you don't find him attractive there's no point going out with him that's just the way it is. If he didn't find you attractive I would bet he'd stop seeing you

[SprintST]

Physical attraction is very important to me, at least initially. Admittedly, beauty fades over time and the foundation of a relationship needs to be love.

But back to physical attraction. I’m attracted to physically fit and attractive women. Yes, beauty is a factor but being physically fit makes several statements about the person. For most it takes work and self discipline to stay fit which are qualities I respect and desire in a partner. Physically fit people are healthier and less prone to depression. And being physically fit I want a partner who can enjoy physical activities with me.

Physical attraction goes beyond just a person’s appearance and is a quality just like intelligence, honesty, a big heart, open communication, and a sense of humor.

[guitarzero]

Mmmm, never really got that about some women where they go out with someone and physical attraction not being strongly taken into consideration.

[true-or-false]

I wasn't attracted to my current boyfriend at all when I first met him, although when I first met him I was with someone else so that might be why he didn't hit the radar.

While normally I'd say "get to know him better, you might end up finding him far more attractive if you give it a bit of time", ultimately, the fact is that you've already opened the "do we like each other?" question to the floor: you've gone on a date. So if you hang around in the hopes of becoming attracted to him, you'll also be stringing him along. If you two were just friends or met at a club or something, I'd say stick around, but clearly this guy likes you and it just isn't fair to wait it out when you're not attracted to him. You're gonna have to bite the bullet and end things.

[Das Kitty]

The first time I met my husband, I wasn't physically attracted to him. He got chatting to me and I thought he was interesting and I really enjoyed talking to him.

I actually cancelled a meeting with him that we had arranged for the following day, not because I didn't like him, I definitely liked him. But I was tired, and had I fancied him at that point I would have definitely made the effort.

We eventually met for coffee the following week and he was standing waiting for me (hey, the only time he was early to meet me in our whole relationship, but that's another story) by the door of where I worked.

I still remember seeing him from a distance before he saw me. He was standing looking painfully nervous, dressed well, contacts in (which is also amusing because I adore his glasses) and something clicked. The first time I met him I got the impression that he was slightly predatory, and in fairness the way he singled me out and basically held my attention for the night I hadn't invented that view. But seeing him like that, not knowing I was watching I really saw him, and the second impression was the truth.

Of course he still talked about high-minded topics at lunch and I still wanted to impress him, but I had in the back of my mind that knowledge that he and I were the same; both nervous hens. And we fancied each other desperately.

But, anniehoo. If you still have no hint of attraction after 4 dates, I think it's only fair the call it a day. Sometimes we have an on-paper impression of who is perfect for us, but a lot of the time, the person who makes us tingle might not even tick a single pre-defined box. And that's the thrill: you just never know.

[anniehoo]

Originally Posted by Das Kitty

Sometimes we have an on-paper impression of who is perfect for us, but a lot of the time, the person who makes us tingle might not even tick a single pre-defined box. And that's the thrill: you just never know.

Yeh thats the funny thing ive gotten sparks with the most randomest of guys with polar opposite personalities. If i was the type of girl to "settle" this lad would be perfect, but its just not enough at all unfortunately.