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01-07-2010, 00:24   #1
sarmer
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How often should a woman initiate contact at the start of a relationship?

Hi ladies

Just wondering what your thoughts are on how often a women should text/call in a relationship? I'm talking about the start of a relationship when you're dating and have to negotiate the minefield of who texts/calls who etc..

Generally I let the guy make the effort for the first few dates and then I feel that things should pretty much be 50/50. What do you think?

I was dating a guy a while back who made a comment to me about contacting him too much which I was very surprised about. I looked through my call history and I had phoned him maybe 4 times in the space of three months and made an effort to initiate texting maybe once or maximum twice a week. He was from back end of nowhere in america though so maybe it's just a cultural difference but I'd like to hear others opinions! Ladies and lads!
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01-07-2010, 00:31   #2
G86
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There's no set rule, nor should there be, if you want to call then call and if you want to text then text! Don't over think it.
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01-07-2010, 00:37   #3
Nevyn
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How long is a peice of string?
It will depend person to person.
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01-07-2010, 00:44   #4
BDJW
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To be honest, if you are playing silly mind games like that, it would put me off, and i'm sure it would be the same for other guys here. If you want to text him, then text him. If you want to call him, then call him. There is no science to this. If you are second guessing yourself about these things everytime you talk to him, then it is just going to cause problems
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01-07-2010, 09:31   #5
kiwi123
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Originally Posted by Bryn View Post
To be honest, if you are playing silly mind games like that, it would put me off, and i'm sure it would be the same for other guys here. If you want to text him, then text him. If you want to call him, then call him. There is no science to this. If you are second guessing yourself about these things everytime you talk to him, then it is just going to cause problems

Totally agree with you! i know quite a few guys who follow this three day rule thing and it is such a turn off, it seems so childish!
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01-07-2010, 10:21   #6
sarmer
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Originally Posted by Bryn View Post
To be honest, if you are playing silly mind games like that, it would put me off, and i'm sure it would be the same for other guys here. If you want to text him, then text him. If you want to call him, then call him. There is no science to this. If you are second guessing yourself about these things everytime you talk to him, then it is just going to cause problems
I don't think I'm the one playing mind games. I'm happy to text/call whenever and feel that there shouldn't be rules but a lot of guys don't feel that way imo. In reality I think both sides should be making an effort but some guys seem to be a bit old fashioned and want to do the chasing.
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01-07-2010, 10:23   #7
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Totally agree with you! i know quite a few guys who follow this three day rule thing and it is such a turn off, it seems so childish!
I know it's so childish! I've even had guys doing this a couple of months into a relationship and it's so annoying! It's like they're playing this game and I don't know the rules because they're setting them!
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01-07-2010, 10:26   #8
Ickle Magoo
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How long is a peice of string?
It will depend person to person.
Exactly what I was going to say.

There are so many mitigating factors that differ from couple to couple that there are no generalities. In saying that, I can't stand playing games and if I had a free evening and fancied meeting up, I'd have no qualms about calling and tbh, the whole game-playing archaic "man does all the chasing while I stand around pretending to look demure" thing would probably knock any relationship hopes on the head.
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01-07-2010, 10:41   #9
Malari
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I hate all that game stuff, but I know plenty of people who subscribe to it.

When my boyfriend first asked me out he said he would text me the next day and arrange a time to meet. He did. I texted back straight away to agree.

He later told me he was expecting to have to wait for hours for a reply, because he thought I wouldn't want to look too keen, so he was delighted. I told him I was keen!!

You will get some guys, like the OP's fella, who seem to prefer the games though. It's juvenile as far as I'm concerned.
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01-07-2010, 11:19   #10
mood
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I'm not even sure what this whole '3 day rule' thing even is!

When I have started seeing someone I reply to texts or return call as I would with a friend. I'm not going to get caught up with the whole game playing, waiting x amount or time to reply etc. Life is too short to worry about the kind of sh*te.

Having said that I have found the same as OP. I guess some people like to be the ones 'in control'. Or maybe it's because I'm shy they don't expect me to try to make equal effort!

Confusing but with past relationship things just fall into place quickly and I have never been left wondering what was going on. When things are like that I suppose you just aren't right for each other.
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01-07-2010, 11:48   #11
LittleBook
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I would make contact when I have something to ask or something say.
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01-07-2010, 12:42   #12
Asphyxia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryn View Post
To be honest, if you are playing silly mind games like that, it would put me off, and i'm sure it would be the same for other guys here. If you want to text him, then text him. If you want to call him, then call him. There is no science to this. If you are second guessing yourself about these things everytime you talk to him, then it is just going to cause problems
I very much agree with this. I don't think that there should be "rules" to text the person you're with, I find it very silly when some of my friends do it. Just be youself! It's alot better than restricting yourself.
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01-07-2010, 12:52   #13
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I suppose what you have to realise is that if a man/woman is bothered by your texts then they probably aren't overly interested in you. There are no rules when you are both keen on each other. My advice is if you like someone just contact them when you feel there is a need or you want to see how they are. Be sensible about, don't think its acceptable to be constantly texting or calling, there is no real need for it.
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01-07-2010, 13:11   #14
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too true! :)There should be no set rules tbh, if you want to text, then do it, same with calls. just dont text/call to excess unless they do lol
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01-07-2010, 14:11   #15
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Agree with the poster above who said they text or call when they have something to say.

I dont play games, but at the same time it really puts me off when a guy Im just starting to see calls or texts just to talk/say hi/see how I am (unless theres a reason why I shouldnt be well!) I know the poor guy is prob just taking an active interest, which in theory is nice, but over-enthusiasm puts me off. Call the next day to arrange hanging out again or ask me something then great tho.

I have been told by different people that they a) thought I was disinterested because I was so laid back therefore the relationship went nowhere (I was really into him, it wasnt intentional) and b) that the reason my current bf of 3 years fell for me so hard was because I gave him something to chase and it made it exciting.

So it really is different strokes....
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