I know its a silly and trivial issue but I recently broke up with my OH of 8 months and i'm not dealing with it very well
Basically; I found out he went home with some randomer he picked up shortly after he asked me out. We werent exculsive and he did nothing wrong but I was still very upset (he didn't sleep with her but did say he 'sucked on her tits' which I never needed to hear) he said he was only with this girl in order to practice so he could preform better for me (Pile of bollox I know), this combined with some other things that had happened;
I experiment with drugs, E mainly, sometimes LSD, mostly at festivals and whne I'm off college (please no judgement, i know its illegal etc) and he always had a problem with this, he thought I would cheat on him. He said that he wouldn't want to have kids with me because he thought I would use drugs and go to parties when I was pregnant. I was completely devestated, I also have some family history, I confided in him with that made this comment even more upsetting to me.
Another time during a certain sex act he said his ex GF would have 'made him cum' because I didn't. He was drunk but it made me really paranoid and upset.
These 3 incidents and also his constant paranoia and accusations that all my male friends were trying to sleep with me (Most of my friends are guys) and that I was grinding off other men and being too tomboyish and showing off my knickers at parties (i'm very shy and uncomfortable with my body so this is crap) prompted me to end the relationship.
Then started to regret it, I was madly in love with him and he said he was with me too so I asked could we work things out, he had time off work and he went on holiday, telling me he needed time away to think, so i waited. While on holiday he text me and said he missed me and we'd work things out, he bought me a present and spent his holiday texting me.
But when he got back he'd changed his mind again (he claims he was never definite about us getting back together and the hearts on the end of his messages and the present were a friend thing) . Seemingly his sister had convinced him that I couldn't possibly be over my ex (I was a year out of LTR but we still had to share a house due to a lease extension we got, I had nowhere else to live as my family are deceased) so he decided that our relationship was 'too stressful' and he didn't want to work things out. But he said we will always be friends and he wanted to be there for me. I offered to never take drugs again as he didn't like it and to move out of the place with my ex and stay with a friend till college was back and i could have my grant to pay rent but he still wouldn't have any of it.
We hung out a for a while, then he changed his mind about being friends as it was too hard for both of us and we agreed to cut contact for a while , then I text him a few weeks later as I was ready to be friends again, we had a nice convo.
He bought me 2 ticks to a sold out gig happening soon for my bday, he still had them, I asked would he still be going together, he said he didn't think that would be a good idea as he didn't want us to be friends anymore but I could still have them as a gift. (I heard he was seeing someone else so I decided to delete him on fb as I didnt want to see his RS change or pics of them etc etc and as he didn't want to be friends)
I told him I would take the tickets but would pay as it wasn't appropriate to take them for free but he just ignored my message, sent him a text asking what the story was, he ignored that. His friends all deleted me on fb etc etc. I don't plan on ever contacting him again
This guy was the love of my life but also one of the best friends I ever had. I told him stuff I never told anyone before. I really believed he was 'the one' We had plenty of issues and it wasn't easy for either of us but I really thought if we loved each other it could work out. All our issues were stupid and trivial and based on jealousy and paranoia. I was completey devoted to him and never even looked at or thought about another guy.
I keep going over everything that happened bewteen us every day, wracking my brain and driving myself insane. I'm devestated that he doesn't want to be friends. I just cant be happy anymore, I'm so angry and I cry every day. I keep wondering why he said he wanted to work things out if he didnt and why he suggested being friends and then said he didn't want to and then offered me the tickets but then ignored me. My self-esteem is at an all-time low and I feel like maybe i'm just too difficult to go out with or maybe I'm just too ****ed up to be anyones gf.
I just want some tips from boardsies about how to deal with this better. I don't want to be the 'crazy ex' but i'm so angry with him and I really want to send him a message telling him how I feel so I can get it off my chest. I'm also really worried about the personal information he has on me as we have mutual friends and I have already heard some stuff back.
Thanks so much for your help