Originally Posted by feelingstuck
Hi guys, I've been looking through this bit of boards for a while now and have been thinking about the predicament I am in right now. I guess I'm like a lot of others when I say that I really don't like being open and honest with others about the fact that I'm gay (typing this is making me nervous, how can I ever tell people?!) and that I would love just to be able to ignore this part of me but I can't...
I guess I really don't want to come to terms with it because of how much everything around me will change (I know things/opinions/feelings will be altered and irreparable), I just don't want to be that 'one' in the family. The friends I had before going to college I avoid as I just can't help but feel that I am dragging them down as they mature while I'm stuck as a kid in the body of a 'young adult'. I didn't really hit it off at college so I don't really feel comfortable with anyone there to talk with.
I know there is no way around this so I guess what I'd like to know is, when is the right time to tell my parents and siblings and how do I do it? Do I say it to their faces and bear it, or can I send them a text, knock myself out on alcohol and wake up and see their response? I'm a coward mostly, but even I don't think putting distance between us will work.
I have seen across the net that it's becoming more common just to not tell them, but I can't justify doing that, I've always believed in honesty... even if the truth takes a while to be said.
All these teenage insecurities, and I am no longer a teenager :L ! I'd really appreciate any tips you have with this.
Well I can tell you my story. I'm more or less where you are now.
I actually came out to a few people a few months ago.
It was Christmas eve and I was drinking in the pub. I think I was there quite late but my friend was also with me. Anyway, whatever got into my head I decided I wanted to tell her but she left before I had a chance.
I ended up drunkenly texting her at about 3 in the morning saying I had to tell her something. I dragged it out and my heart was in my mouth and I told her I was bisexual (I identify more as gay now put it was progress)
She was so supportive of me but I didn't feel a weight off my shoulders at all.
I think I stayed up until about 5 that night (in the darkness) just thinking. And I'm ashamed to admit I just broke down and started crying.
I'd bottled this up for ages and it really ate into me.
Next it as new years, and again I was drunk and I came out to my friend in the middle of the club. Like before I was ****ting a brick, and again, I nearly started crying when I told him but I kept it together. He was completely shocked but hugged me, said he still loved me and that it wouldn't change anything. So I proceeded to get drunk off shots and ended up getting thrown off the taxi home.
Not the best way to do it I'll tell you!
Looking back my sexuality really made me unhappy and for what? It all worked out ok -bar getting loaded and making an emotional ass of myself.
Now I haven't made much progress in the months afterwards and I think I've started to be ok with my sexuality - like, I admit I'm gay now. but I've never been harder on myself because of it. I kind of see it as having a defect and I'm a perfectionist so I kill myself over it and hold myself to a crazy high standard that nobody could ever reach.
My only advice to you is to come out to your friends when you want things to change for the better (you might not be fully ready but its your call to make) because no matter how far your friends have drifted away from you, they'll soon understand that this is why. Once you have the support you need, you can grow from there and be honest with who you are.
It hasn't happened with me yet but I'm slowly working through my issues and once I start college, I want to be truly open about who I am.
This the first time I've posted my feelings or anything else here, I have never told anyone this so it's a big deal for me to tell you. Just don't bottle it all up like me because it's just going to give you problems and if you are anything like me, just ending up resenting yourself.
It's not worth it to let a small part of you define your life and make you unhappy and I understand that now.