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HardLuckWoman · 24-05-2012, 23:43

For as long as i can remember, i have always found it hard telling people how much they have annoyed me, pissed me off, made me unhappy. I think it may be fear of making an awkward atmosphere. I would normally just keep quite, no matter what.

Most things, i can just get over it, as in its really minor and there is no point in making a fuss.

Why am i like this? I lived with someone last year that really annoyed me on a daily basis. She was too nosy and mothery. Eventually i told her she wasn't my mother. Because i was always a walkover, she saw this as being biitchy, then has a go at me. Anyway that was last year and got away from that. The reason i mention this is because this was probably the first situation that it just went on and on. Probably because i couldn't get away as i lived there.

There is a situation now and i hate bringing it up but it really is unfair. I am sharing a house with very nice people. However, over the past few weeks one of them has been skyping someone. But the skyping goes on and on for hours at a time. It can be two or three hours at a time. And a few times a day, including night time which can go past midnight.

None of my business but I can hear everything. The volume is up high on his computer too so i can hear them both. It doesn't matter where in the house, you can hear everything. Just this morning, it went on for four and a half hours. As i say, its been going on for weeks. I was so pissed off when he started this morning, that i hoovered the whole house. He didn't get the hint.

Ok, a solution is too get out of the house and i have tried. But i can come back again, and it will start again anyway. Where can i go, on a two hour walk?

What do i do or say to him? I have to say something as it wont stop.

vard · 24-05-2012, 23:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by HardLuckWoman

For as long as i can remember, i have always found it hard telling people how much they have annoyed me, pissed me off, made me unhappy. I think it may be fear of making an awkward atmosphere. I would normally just keep quite, no matter what.

Most things, i can just get over it, as in its really minor and there is no point in making a fuss.

Why am i like this? I lived with someone last year that really annoyed me on a daily basis. She was too nosy and mothery. Eventually i told her she wasn't my mother. Because i was always a walkover, she saw this as being biitchy, then has a go at me. Anyway that was last year and got away from that. The reason i mention this is because this was probably the first situation that it just went on and on. Probably because i couldn't get away as i lived there.

There is a situation now and i hate bringing it up but it really is unfair. I am sharing a house with very nice people. However, over the past few weeks one of them has been skyping someone. But the skyping goes on and on for hours at a time. It can be two or three hours at a time. And a few times a day, including night time which can go past midnight.

None of my business but I can hear everything. The volume is up high on his computer too so i can hear them both. It doesn't matter where in the house, you can hear everything. Just this morning, it went on for four and a half hours. As i say, its been going on for weeks. I was so pissed off when he started this morning, that i hoovered the whole house. He didn't get the hint.

Ok, a solution is too get out of the house and i have tried. But i can come back again, and it will start again anyway. Where can i go, on a two hour walk?

What do i do or say to him? I have to say something as it wont stop.

You meant to post this in the 'first world problems' thread, no?

The Lovely Muffin · 24-05-2012, 23:57

Talk to your house mate. Only talking to him can sort this out.

I fail to see how hoovering the whole house can give him the hint that he being too loud, it just gives him the message/hint that the house needed to be hoovered, so you did it.

I don't know of anyone who would get the hint that they are being too loud by someone hoovering the entire house. Maybe it is just me though.

MissFlitworth · 24-05-2012, 23:58

I hate confrontation too & have in the past let people away with proper murder because I'd rather be annoyed than have a fight with them (I think it comes from living with a family member who cannot take any criticism at all without having a meltdown) but after a while you realise you either have to tell people when they're doing something that annoys you or accept that you'll spend the rest of your life giving people the fingers behind their back passive-aggressively.

Start out with being diplomatic, you don't have to rush in with the 'would you ever STOP BLO*DY DOING THAT's, 'Hey housemate, I'm sure you don't realise but your skype conversations can be heard all over the house. Could you get a headset? I can hear all sorts of personal info & the noise is annoying so you'd be doing us both a favour'

That way you've started out reasonably & if they don't do anything to fix it you've got a right to be annoyed which'll help with telling them that you are.

**Ickle Magoo** · 25-05-2012, 00:02

vard, if you have nothing in the way of mature, civil and constructive advice to offer, kindly refrain from posting.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

If you haven’t done so already, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter before posting in this forum again.

Many thanks.

As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

rainbowtrout · 25-05-2012, 00:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by HardLuckWoman

For as long as i can remember, i have always found it hard telling people how much they have annoyed me, pissed me off, made me unhappy. I think it may be fear of making an awkward atmosphere. I would normally just keep quite, no matter what.

Most things, i can just get over it, as in its really minor and there is no point in making a fuss.

Why am i like this? I lived with someone last year that really annoyed me on a daily basis. She was too nosy and mothery. Eventually i told her she wasn't my mother. Because i was always a walkover, she saw this as being biitchy, then has a go at me. Anyway that was last year and got away from that. The reason i mention this is because this was probably the first situation that it just went on and on. Probably because i couldn't get away as i lived there.

There is a situation now and i hate bringing it up but it really is unfair. I am sharing a house with very nice people. However, over the past few weeks one of them has been skyping someone. But the skyping goes on and on for hours at a time. It can be two or three hours at a time. And a few times a day, including night time which can go past midnight.

None of my business but I can hear everything. The volume is up high on his computer too so i can hear them both. It doesn't matter where in the house, you can hear everything. Just this morning, it went on for four and a half hours. As i say, its been going on for weeks. I was so pissed off when he started this morning, that i hoovered the whole house. He didn't get the hint.

Ok, a solution is too get out of the house and i have tried. But i can come back again, and it will start again anyway. Where can i go, on a two hour walk?

What do i do or say to him? I have to say something as it wont stop.

There's a very simple solution to this and you don't have to be confrontational or passive aggressive about it.

You knock on his bedroom door or wherever he is and go 'Sorry, would you mind turning down the volume a bit, it's late and I'm trying to sleep'

P. Breathnach · 25-05-2012, 00:36

You don't have to tell your housemate how annoyed you are: that makes it into a conversation about you.

Instead, talk to him about his behaviour. Assume, for the purposes of the discussion, that he is quite unaware of how loud his skype conversations are (I suspect that is true) and ask him to keep it a bit quieter.

chickenbutt · 25-05-2012, 05:25

I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and we Skype often, and sometimes for long periods of time. The walls in his apartment are thin and you can hear through them. His roommate on the other side has asked him once or twice to turn the volume down and it wasn't a problem, nor a big deal. We try to keep it down, especially in the evening. Sometimes my boyfriend will put in headphones and just talk softly to me.

Just be polite and ask kindly to please keep the volume down, especially in the evening because you can hear his conversation. If you say that, that you can hear his personal conversations, he'll probably be a bit embarrassed (I know I was) and will be quieter.

Dravokivich · 25-05-2012, 12:10

I agree primarily with the folks above and suggest you should discuss with him that his calls are loud and can be heard through out the house.

The following kind of took me a side a bit though:

Quote:

Originally Posted by HardLuckWoman

Ok, a solution is too get out of the house and i have tried. But i can come back again, and it will start again anyway. Where can i go, on a two hour walk?

These are not now, nor never will be a solution. All you are doing is taking yourself out and not addressing anything.

Dortilolma · 25-05-2012, 15:01

I have to agree with most of the other posters, talking about it does not necessarily mean being confrontational or having an argument.

I'm like you, I despise conflict and avoid it all costs and let loads of things slide because I just couldn't face the possibility of a fight. However voicing your thoughts does not necessarily lead to a fight.

When talking to your flatmate don't assign blame and try and talk to him when you're not feeling overly annoyed. Simply state the facts of the situation and maybe suggest he use a headset.

cymbaline · 25-05-2012, 22:25

Years ago I was a flatmate like that

I'm a real night owl and often at my most industrious at this time of the evening onwards. The problem was that my clattering around the place late at night was keeping one of my flatmates awake. I'd have been washing my hair and drying it quite late, playing music etc. I didn't realise at the time that she was dropping hints about this or that I was annoying her. I just knew she had become kinda frosty towards me but I wasn't sure why. Eventually she took me aside and told me politely but firmly what the problem was. Naturally I was mortified because i didn't think I was making the noise I was. It did clear the air and we never had a problem again.

Like everyone else has advised here, don't go down the passive aggressive route. I almost laughed when I got to the part where you hoovered the house. That's so not a hint. Neither is going for a long walk. Just tell your flatmate that the sound from their conversations carries and that the noise is keeping you awake. Also mention that their conversations can be heard very clearly throughout the house but put a privacy slant on it. If you have to, exaggerate how clearly you can hear what they're saying. Most people don't like others hearing their private conversations. Perhaps that is the route to go.

Set some ground rules - tell them you've no problem with them chattering away til 11.00 at night for example. Whatever you do, don't get steamed up about it. Do like my former flatmate - polite but firm.

leeroybrown · 26-05-2012, 14:25

That kind of passive-aggressive behaviour like hoovering the house doesn't do anyone any favours. I know a few people who do stuff like that and most people generally just get pissed off with them and ignore the passive-aggressive behaviour. Humouring them just makes it worse. The same people tend to bitch and moan about other people all the time too rather than actually fix the problem.

If you have a problem with someone just say it. It doesn't have to be a confrontation.

24-05-2012, 23:43	#1
HardLuckWoman Registered User Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 1,075 Adverts \| Friends	Find it difficult telling people how annoyed i am For as long as i can remember, i have always found it hard telling people how much they have annoyed me, pissed me off, made me unhappy. I think it may be fear of making an awkward atmosphere. I would normally just keep quite, no matter what. Most things, i can just get over it, as in its really minor and there is no point in making a fuss. Why am i like this? I lived with someone last year that really annoyed me on a daily basis. She was too nosy and mothery. Eventually i told her she wasn't my mother. Because i was always a walkover, she saw this as being biitchy, then has a go at me. Anyway that was last year and got away from that. The reason i mention this is because this was probably the first situation that it just went on and on. Probably because i couldn't get away as i lived there. There is a situation now and i hate bringing it up but it really is unfair. I am sharing a house with very nice people. However, over the past few weeks one of them has been skyping someone. But the skyping goes on and on for hours at a time. It can be two or three hours at a time. And a few times a day, including night time which can go past midnight. None of my business but I can hear everything. The volume is up high on his computer too so i can hear them both. It doesn't matter where in the house, you can hear everything. Just this morning, it went on for four and a half hours. As i say, its been going on for weeks. I was so pissed off when he started this morning, that i hoovered the whole house. He didn't get the hint. Ok, a solution is too get out of the house and i have tried. But i can come back again, and it will start again anyway. Where can i go, on a two hour walk? What do i do or say to him? I have to say something as it wont stop.

25-05-2012, 22:25	#11
cymbaline Registered User Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 726 Adverts \| Friends	Years ago I was a flatmate like that I'm a real night owl and often at my most industrious at this time of the evening onwards. The problem was that my clattering around the place late at night was keeping one of my flatmates awake. I'd have been washing my hair and drying it quite late, playing music etc. I didn't realise at the time that she was dropping hints about this or that I was annoying her. I just knew she had become kinda frosty towards me but I wasn't sure why. Eventually she took me aside and told me politely but firmly what the problem was. Naturally I was mortified because i didn't think I was making the noise I was. It did clear the air and we never had a problem again. Like everyone else has advised here, don't go down the passive aggressive route. I almost laughed when I got to the part where you hoovered the house. That's so not a hint. Neither is going for a long walk. Just tell your flatmate that the sound from their conversations carries and that the noise is keeping you awake. Also mention that their conversations can be heard very clearly throughout the house but put a privacy slant on it. If you have to, exaggerate how clearly you can hear what they're saying. Most people don't like others hearing their private conversations. Perhaps that is the route to go. Set some ground rules - tell them you've no problem with them chattering away til 11.00 at night for example. Whatever you do, don't get steamed up about it. Do like my former flatmate - polite but firm. Last edited by cymbaline; 25-05-2012 at 23:22.

24-05-2012, 23:57	#3
The Lovely Muffin Closed Account Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 6,844 Adverts \| Friends	Talk to your house mate. Only talking to him can sort this out. I fail to see how hoovering the whole house can give him the hint that he being too loud, it just gives him the message/hint that the house needed to be hoovered, so you did it. I don't know of anyone who would get the hint that they are being too loud by someone hoovering the entire house. Maybe it is just me though.

24-05-2012, 23:58	#4
MissFlitworth Registered User Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2,490 Adverts \| Friends	I hate confrontation too & have in the past let people away with proper murder because I'd rather be annoyed than have a fight with them (I think it comes from living with a family member who cannot take any criticism at all without having a meltdown) but after a while you realise you either have to tell people when they're doing something that annoys you or accept that you'll spend the rest of your life giving people the fingers behind their back passive-aggressively. Start out with being diplomatic, you don't have to rush in with the 'would you ever STOP BLO*DY DOING THAT's, 'Hey housemate, I'm sure you don't realise but your skype conversations can be heard all over the house. Could you get a headset? I can hear all sorts of personal info & the noise is annoying so you'd be doing us both a favour' That way you've started out reasonably & if they don't do anything to fix it you've got a right to be annoyed which'll help with telling them that you are.

25-05-2012, 00:02	#5
Ickle Magoo Ach, stick it up yer trakkens Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ragnar�kkr Posts: 15,756 Adverts \| Friends CMod: Personal Issues, Phobias, Soc, Soc Mods	vard, if you have nothing in the way of mature, civil and constructive advice to offer, kindly refrain from posting. Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum. If you haven’t done so already, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter before posting in this forum again. Many thanks. As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

25-05-2012, 00:36	#7
P. Breathnach Registered User Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 8,024 Adverts \| Friends	You don't have to tell your housemate how annoyed you are: that makes it into a conversation about you. Instead, talk to him about his behaviour. Assume, for the purposes of the discussion, that he is quite unaware of how loud his skype conversations are (I suspect that is true) and ask him to keep it a bit quieter.

25-05-2012, 05:25	#8
chickenbutt Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Nashville, TN Posts: 539 Adverts \| Friends	I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and we Skype often, and sometimes for long periods of time. The walls in his apartment are thin and you can hear through them. His roommate on the other side has asked him once or twice to turn the volume down and it wasn't a problem, nor a big deal. We try to keep it down, especially in the evening. Sometimes my boyfriend will put in headphones and just talk softly to me. Just be polite and ask kindly to please keep the volume down, especially in the evening because you can hear his conversation. If you say that, that you can hear his personal conversations, he'll probably be a bit embarrassed (I know I was) and will be quieter.

25-05-2012, 15:01	#10
Dortilolma Registered User Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Dublin Posts: 79 Adverts \| Friends	I have to agree with most of the other posters, talking about it does not necessarily mean being confrontational or having an argument. I'm like you, I despise conflict and avoid it all costs and let loads of things slide because I just couldn't face the possibility of a fight. However voicing your thoughts does not necessarily lead to a fight. When talking to your flatmate don't assign blame and try and talk to him when you're not feeling overly annoyed. Simply state the facts of the situation and maybe suggest he use a headset.

26-05-2012, 14:25	#12
leeroybrown Registered User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Galway City Posts: 6,996 Adverts \| Friends	That kind of passive-aggressive behaviour like hoovering the house doesn't do anyone any favours. I know a few people who do stuff like that and most people generally just get pissed off with them and ignore the passive-aggressive behaviour. Humouring them just makes it worse. The same people tend to bitch and moan about other people all the time too rather than actually fix the problem. If you have a problem with someone just say it. It doesn't have to be a confrontation.