[C.D.]

PS I don't think the broody monster stalks me. She/He/It lives under my bed and pokes me when I sleep.

[Misticles]

I always thought I wouldn't have kids. They drive me insane.... I bang on my ceiling with a brush as upstairs have two kids who run around like elephants every morning and night.

I always thought I couldn't compromise what I want to do with my life for kids who will need for the next 2 decades. I also put my own upbringing into the equation.

But.... Now I'm engaged and can't wait to have little babies with my husband to be.

I don't know when/how it changed... I just knew that my feelings for having children had.

You just have to go with it, you will know yourself if you want to or not.

[The Big Red Button]

I've always been a little bit ambivalent towards the whole kids thing.

On the one hand, I'm fantastic with kids. I pretty much brought up one sibling (and helped to bring up several others), I was babysitting as soon as I was old enough to and did so on a very regular basis, for days at a time, from when I was 12 til when I finished college. I like babies and kids, and I have a big interest in educational psychology, parenting strategies, and various aspects of the whole thing.. I'd love to have kids, and I've been told I'd be a great mother.

On the other hand, if I was told I could never have kids, I'd be a bit "meah" about it. I wouldn't really mind, and I don't think I'd pursue it further, with IVF or adoption. Maybe I'd get a cat instead. I'd be quite happy.

I have a close friend who is extremely career-driven, her whole life is focussed around developing her career. She's in her mid-twenties at the moment. She surprised me recently by telling me that, if she was told right now that she'd never be able to have biological children of her own, she would kill herself. She said this quite calmly and rationally. As far as she's concerned, the reason she is here is to be a mother, and if she can't eventually do that, she doesn't see the point in continuing.

I guess, in a way, I see my friend's viewpoint as being quite selfish? Who is she, to put such pressure on a tiny little creature to "complete" her life?

In a funny way, I would want to be fully satisfied and happy with my life exactly as it was - before I'd seriously consider bringing a baby into the equation. If that makes any sense.

It's a long way off for me yet, anyways!

[Itwasntme.]

The replies on this thread are awesome and the different perspectives really insightful. I feel a little calmer. Thanks everyone.

[I am a friend]

Originally Posted by chatterpillar

I guess, in a way, I see my friend's viewpoint as being quite selfish? Who is she, to put such pressure on a tiny little creature to "complete" her life?

Did she say she needs a baby to complete her?

I woudl think she means she would have not achieved eveything she wants in life if she doesnt become a mother.... Its not that hard to understand. Why is it selfish to want to be a mother?

[Chimpokomon]

Originally Posted by I am a friend

Did she say she needs a baby to complete her?

I woudl think she means she would have not achieved eveything she wants in life if she doesnt become a mother.... Its not that hard to understand. Why is it selfish to want to be a mother?

She said that she'll kill herself if she can't have kids! Surely you can agree that that's a bit mental?!

[The Big Red Button]

Originally Posted by I am a friend

Did she say she needs a baby to complete her?

Eh she said that she'd kill herself if she couldn't have a child!

And yes, as it happens, she also did say that she would need to have a baby to feel complete.

Originally Posted by I am a friend

I woudl think she means she would have not achieved eveything she wants in life if she doesnt become a mother.... Its not that hard to understand. Why is it selfish to want to be a mother?

If you don't achieve everything you want to, ending your own life isn't going to solve anything!

And did I say that it is selfish to want to be a mother? Really? Please point out exactly where I stated this?

[Daisy M]

Originally Posted by chatterpillar

I guess, in a way, I see my friend's viewpoint as being quite selfish? Who is she, to put such pressure on a tiny little creature to "complete" her life?

!

You said it here!!

I think you have to take statements like your friends with a grain of salt. But if your friend really believes her life would not be worth while if she couldnt have children then who are we to dismiss that. There is obviously some very strong wiring in human beings to reproduce, I am sure everyone here knows someone who went to great lengths to become a parent and would not stop until either the dream was realised or it became impossible.

My children definitely complete me but they have no idea there is no pressure on them, they are who they are and I am just delighted to be their mother and I am sure it would be the same for your friend. I do feel sorry for your friend though, I cant imagine how devestated I would have been if I had no children but I would have lived my life to the full and have celebrated that I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life my husband. At least I hope I would you never truly know how you will react until you are actually in a situation.

Btw I am not having a go at you in case it comes across that way, more just trying to say we should all try and judge other people and their desires a little less and be tolerant that no two of us are the same!!

[The Big Red Button]

Originally Posted by Daisy M

You said it here!!

No.

What I said there was that I saw my friend's viewpoint as being selfish. Having given full context for my opinion.

Not that I saw wanting to be a mother as being selfish.

[I am a friend]

Originally Posted by chatterpillar

No.

What I said there was that I saw my friend's viewpoint as being selfish. Having given full context for my opinion.

Not that I saw wanting to be a mother as being selfish.

No need to snap. I was asking questions to clarify.

[Acoshla]

Originally Posted by I am a friend

No need to snap. I was asking questions to clarify.

I don't see where she snapped at all?!

[whoopsadaisydoodles]

Originally Posted by I am a friend

No need to snap. I was asking questions to clarify.

Originally Posted by Acoshla

I don't see where she snapped at all?!

Let's stay on topic

Thanks.

whoopasdaisydoodles