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Fergus_Nash · 10-05-2012, 12:16

Here's a question that I've been pondering for a while. Do LGB people decide that they are LGB? I don't mean this that gay people decide to go gay and have a bit of fun and then go back straight and I apologise for this sounding crass.

What I mean is that LGB people usually come out during their pubescent years but are they born LGB? Or is it like straight people who think that girls have cooties when they are ten and only find that girls are good looking at fifteen i.e. that whether a person is gay or straight they only start to find their sexual orientation at puberty?

I don't mean to sound like an oafish bigot when I ask this question - I hope I don't come across as so. Also I left out Transgender people because I simply don't know enough about them and whether they fit into these questions or not. I'm not gay by the way, or even thinking about it. I just want to get opinions.

feckedformocks · 10-05-2012, 12:30

The thing is we are all born with a sort of bisexual inclination, societal values are what hold people back from admitting it. There is a fear of rejection and/or discrimination when it comes to openly expressing homosexual tendencies. For most people however the tendency is not important to them or is strong enough for them to even contemplate choosing what would be viewed as an alternative lifestyle. Most people wish to procreate and this can only be achieved easily in a heterosexual relationship.
I believe that it is preference, some people love mushrooms, some people hate them, some people don't mind them. As we grow and see the world we learn what are taste buds like.

baby and crumble · 10-05-2012, 12:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fergus_Nash

What I mean is that LGB people usually come out during their pubescent years but are they born LGB? Or is it like straight people who think that girls have cooties when they are ten and only find that girls are good looking at fifteen i.e. that whether a person is gay or straight they only start to find their sexual orientation at puberty?

How can you know who you are sexually attracted to until you start feeling sexual attraction?

There are lots of people who come out earlier or later. But puberty is when everyone starts to realise who they are, who they find attractive, an what they want from life. So it would make sense that that's when a lot of people realise they are gay.

Notice I said "realise". I honestly have never understood how anyone could think that people choose to be gay, no offence OP. Why would anyone choose a life where an awful lot of people think you're strange, wrong, evil etc.? Choose a life where you have less rights than everyone else? Choose a life that could loose you your family and friends?

tajd · 10-05-2012, 12:51

no i was born gay if i could go straight i would make life much easier aka family crap

**dory** · 10-05-2012, 12:53

I first fancied a girl when I was 4 - so I would say it's not a choice as I certainly didn't choose anything at that age.

What you're talking about is people who are gay for a while and then get married to someone of the opposite sex. That is totally different from the usual 'is gay a choice' question.

In answer to that. Yes, I've seen a lot of people who are gay, have long term gay relationships and then one day decide they can't do it, they can't go against the norm. Some want children more than they want to be with someone they're sexually attracted to. I've had a few friends get married and drunkenly admit they don't fancy the person they married, they just needed the perfect family idea.

So in your sense, it is a choice to live the life of a gay person because one can also choose to pretend and go get married.

Dwn Wth Vwls · 10-05-2012, 13:03

I have friends who knew they were attracted to the same sex at 5 or 6 before they even understood what it meant. Everybody is different, there's no blanket explanation.

sbsquarepants · 10-05-2012, 13:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by feckedformocks

The thing is we are all born with a sort of bisexual inclination, societal values are what hold people back from admitting it. There is a fear of rejection and/or discrimination when it comes to openly expressing homosexual tendencies. .

I don't buy that at all. I have no fear of expressing any tendencies whatsoever, but i'm still not gay or bisexual because i'm just not attracted to men. It's not fear or reppresion or societal pressure of any sort, i just like women!

Babybuff · 10-05-2012, 13:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbsquarepants

I don't buy that at all. I have no fear of expressing any tendencies whatsoever, but i'm still not gay or bisexual because i'm just not attracted to men. It's not fear or reppresion or societal pressure of any sort, i just like women!

do you also find armpit hair disgusting on women? I'm just curious.

sbsquarepants · 10-05-2012, 13:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babybuff

do you also find armpit hair disgusting on women? I'm just curious.

Little bit.
Is that relevant?

Babybuff · 10-05-2012, 13:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbsquarepants

Little bit.
Is that relevant?

Na, I'm just curious like the monkey.

sbsquarepants · 10-05-2012, 13:16

Careful now. Did you hear what curiosity done to the cat?

Babybuff · 10-05-2012, 13:19

I did and it was fun. :0

I suppose I was thinking along the lines of how we are programmed from an early age to have certain expectations, hairfree women being one of them. and I got to associating that with other societal expectations, like sexual orientation.

sbsquarepants · 10-05-2012, 13:28

I come at from the other side.
I think more and more society is reflecting the likes and dislikes of the masses, rather than preaching to the masses what they should like and dislike. The main cultural drivers these days are populist in nature, tv, internet, music and so on. They just give people what the like rather than try to mould them into something they themselves want people to be, like the church for example.
Take the porn industry for example, it doesn't have a view on whether women should be hairy or not - the people who consume it do.

feckedformocks · 10-05-2012, 14:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbsquarepants

I don't buy that at all. I have no fear of expressing any tendencies whatsoever, but i'm still not gay or bisexual because i'm just not attracted to men. It's not fear or reppresion or societal pressure of any sort, i just like women!

fair enough, but I think my point more so was that you probably have experienced an attraction to a male before within the span of your life so far.

sbsquarepants · 10-05-2012, 14:30

To-may-to, to-mah-to i think. Obviously I can look at a movie and cop that Brad Pitt is a very good looking bloke, I wouldn't call it an attraction though. My thought process would be more along the lines of I wouldn't mind looking like that myself, not what i'd like to do to him!

10-05-2012, 12:16	#1
Fergus_Nash Registered User Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 160 Adverts \| Friends	Is being gay a choice Here's a question that I've been pondering for a while. Do LGB people decide that they are LGB? I don't mean this that gay people decide to go gay and have a bit of fun and then go back straight and I apologise for this sounding crass. What I mean is that LGB people usually come out during their pubescent years but are they born LGB? Or is it like straight people who think that girls have cooties when they are ten and only find that girls are good looking at fifteen i.e. that whether a person is gay or straight they only start to find their sexual orientation at puberty? I don't mean to sound like an oafish bigot when I ask this question - I hope I don't come across as so. Also I left out Transgender people because I simply don't know enough about them and whether they fit into these questions or not. I'm not gay by the way, or even thinking about it. I just want to get opinions.

10-05-2012, 12:30	#2
feckedformocks Closed Account Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 25 Adverts \| Friends	The thing is we are all born with a sort of bisexual inclination, societal values are what hold people back from admitting it. There is a fear of rejection and/or discrimination when it comes to openly expressing homosexual tendencies. For most people however the tendency is not important to them or is strong enough for them to even contemplate choosing what would be viewed as an alternative lifestyle. Most people wish to procreate and this can only be achieved easily in a heterosexual relationship. I believe that it is preference, some people love mushrooms, some people hate them, some people don't mind them. As we grow and see the world we learn what are taste buds like.

10-05-2012, 12:51	#4
tajd Registered User Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 3,066 Adverts \| Friends	no i was born gay if i could go straight i would make life much easier aka family crap

10-05-2012, 12:53	#5
dory Moderator Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 3,221 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Independent & Youth Travel, Travel	I first fancied a girl when I was 4 - so I would say it's not a choice as I certainly didn't choose anything at that age. What you're talking about is people who are gay for a while and then get married to someone of the opposite sex. That is totally different from the usual 'is gay a choice' question. In answer to that. Yes, I've seen a lot of people who are gay, have long term gay relationships and then one day decide they can't do it, they can't go against the norm. Some want children more than they want to be with someone they're sexually attracted to. I've had a few friends get married and drunkenly admit they don't fancy the person they married, they just needed the perfect family idea. So in your sense, it is a choice to live the life of a gay person because one can also choose to pretend and go get married.

10-05-2012, 13:03	#6
Dwn Wth Vwls Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Dublin Posts: 393 Adverts \| Friends	I have friends who knew they were attracted to the same sex at 5 or 6 before they even understood what it meant. Everybody is different, there's no blanket explanation.

10-05-2012, 13:16	#11
sbsquarepants Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3,606 Adverts \| Friends	Careful now. Did you hear what curiosity done to the cat?

10-05-2012, 13:19	#12
Babybuff Closed Account Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,084 Adverts \| Friends	I did and it was fun. :0 I suppose I was thinking along the lines of how we are programmed from an early age to have certain expectations, hairfree women being one of them. and I got to associating that with other societal expectations, like sexual orientation.

10-05-2012, 13:28	#13
sbsquarepants Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3,606 Adverts \| Friends	I come at from the other side. I think more and more society is reflecting the likes and dislikes of the masses, rather than preaching to the masses what they should like and dislike. The main cultural drivers these days are populist in nature, tv, internet, music and so on. They just give people what the like rather than try to mould them into something they themselves want people to be, like the church for example. Take the porn industry for example, it doesn't have a view on whether women should be hairy or not - the people who consume it do.

10-05-2012, 14:30	#15
sbsquarepants Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3,606 Adverts \| Friends	To-may-to, to-mah-to i think. Obviously I can look at a movie and cop that Brad Pitt is a very good looking bloke, I wouldn't call it an attraction though. My thought process would be more along the lines of I wouldn't mind looking like that myself, not what i'd like to do to him!