[djimi]

Originally Posted by shoes34

oh she was in the house as well, when he let himself in but I had asked her on Friday to lock the door even when she was inside. I just don't like confrontation and unfortunately need the other tenants rent! I know I am going to have to say something and I've gotten plenty of advice on here about it so going to bit the bullet and mention something.

You are going to have to grow a pair and get used to confrontation if you wish to be a landlord unfortunately! Youre in charge; if the tenants think you are a soft touch then they will walk all over you. Its your house; dont be afraid to let them know that.

[shoes34]

I said something to her at lunchtime, shaking while saying it!! Just said to her that I didn't want to come as a bitch but just before things get too out of hand I would rather if her boyfriend wasn't over every weekend as its the only time I have off work and I don't want to play gooseberry in my own house. Said I think he's a lovely guy but just before things get too out of hand that its my home and just that would like to be able to enjoy my weekends in my home. She was like what do you want me to do about it not have a boyfriend and I tried to explain to her that that was not what I was saying and maybe it was coming across wrong and I didn't want to sound awful. Didn't bother saying anything about the neighbours. I texted my mate who works with her to warn her that she'd probably be moody this afternoon.

Now for a lovely evening at home where no doubt she'll mention it to the other tenant.

[the_syco]

Originally Posted by shoes34

but I had asked her on Friday to lock the door even when she was inside.

Get a door that locks when you close the door, or it'll always play on your mind.

Originally Posted by shoes34

She was like what do you want me to do about it not have a boyfriend

All or nothing, rather than any sign of compromise? Sounds like this tenant will not go lightly.

[cafecreme]

Originally Posted by shoes34

I said something to her at lunchtime, shaking while saying it!! Just said to her that I didn't want to come as a bitch but just before things get too out of hand I would rather if her boyfriend wasn't over every weekend as its the only time I have off work and I don't want to play gooseberry in my own house. Said I think he's a lovely guy but just before things get too out of hand that its my home and just that would like to be able to enjoy my weekends in my home. She was like what do you want me to do about it not have a boyfriend and I tried to explain to her that that was not what I was saying and maybe it was coming across wrong and I didn't want to sound awful. Didn't bother saying anything about the neighbours. I texted my mate who works with her to warn her that she'd probably be moody this afternoon.

Now for a lovely evening at home where no doubt she'll mention it to the other tenant.

You need to toughen up a bit -stick to your guns and tell her you're not interested in whether she has a bf or not but you are interested in setting down ground rules about overnight guests. Why do you care about her moods? And stop telling your mates who also know her about it-thats unfair to her imo and more than a little immature.

Its always messy letting to friends, in future stick to people you dont know and check their references thoroughly. She'll probably move out soon anyway so start again properly-as a professional landlady with ground rules firmly in place beforehand. No tricky situations then as everybody knows where they stand.

[shoes34]

Originally Posted by the_syco

Get a door that locks when you close the door, or it'll always play on your mind.
.

I got a new lock as she broke the previous one and its quite easy all she has to do in turn the lock, the one she broke she had to use her key on the inside to lock it. Its the standard door lock that came with the house.

[OldNotWIse]

Originally Posted by shoes34

I said something to her at lunchtime, shaking while saying it!! Just said to her that I didn't want to come as a bitch but just before things get too out of hand I would rather if her boyfriend wasn't over every weekend as its the only time I have off work and I don't want to play gooseberry in my own house. Said I think he's a lovely guy but just before things get too out of hand that its my home and just that would like to be able to enjoy my weekends in my home. She was like what do you want me to do about it not have a boyfriend and I tried to explain to her that that was not what I was saying and maybe it was coming across wrong and I didn't want to sound awful. Didn't bother saying anything about the neighbours. I texted my mate who works with her to warn her that she'd probably be moody this afternoon.

Now for a lovely evening at home where no doubt she'll mention it to the other tenant.

If I were her I would be annoyed if I found out that you had texted someone I work with to fill them in. How unprofessional is that? She is paying you to rent a room in your house, its a business arrangement and should be treated as such, regardless of her perceived wrongdoings. You want her to respect your house rules but tbh telling her colleague personal info re her living arrangements etc is bang out of order on your part. I would be furious, and would probably move out asap.

I think you are wasting far too much time wondering about what this person or that person said or might say or might think etc etc. You were worried your other flatmate might move out as some kind of show of solidarity for this girl. Then you were worried she would be sulking when you confront her. Now you have dragged someone else into the equation (her colleague nonetheless)...seriously.

Either tell her out straight what ground rules you want in place or let it go. Tipping at it and then recoiling at the first whiff of a reaction will not get you anywhere.

Dont mean to sound harsh but I really think you will tear yourself in two emotionally trying to sort this thing out. And also, people will (sadly) take advantage if they think they can.

[shoes34]

Originally Posted by cafecreme

You need to toughen up a bit -stick to your guns and tell her you're not interested in whether she has a bf or not but you are interested in setting down ground rules about overnight guests. Why do you care about her moods? And stop telling your mates who also know her about it-thats unfair to her imo and more than a little immature.

Its always messy letting to friends, in future stick to people you dont know and check their references thoroughly. She'll probably move out soon anyway so start again properly-as a professional landlady with ground rules firmly in place beforehand. No tricky situations then as everybody knows where they stand.

She isn't a friend she was friends with a mutal friend but they had a falling out a few months ago, nothing to do with me. Of course I am going to vent to my mates anyway its done now I've said something to her so I guess I've got all the advice I need. Thanks to everyone.

[fasttalkerchat]

Better off saying nothing if you're worried she will just find a new place. Also what if you decide to have a friend stay for a few days after telling her she can't?

[reeta]

You havent really said anything to her, well not in a direct and concise way. And now thats it has been pointed out that you should not have texted her work colleaque (whether she is a friend of yours or not) you are getting annoyed with the replies. You need to learn to toughen up and speak out straight to her, let her know the rules. Your comment "I didnt want to sound awful" and your general fear of her sounds ridiculous.

Tell her what you expect of her as a tenant and get on with life....

[shoes34]

Originally Posted by fasttalkerchat

Better off saying nothing if you're worried she will just find a new place. Also what if you decide to have a friend stay for a few days after telling her she can't?

I didn't tell her she can't have him stay I just said I don't want it to be all the time.

Also i spoke to my mate today and apologised for putting her in awkward situation and she said it was fine, I just need to vent to a friend and she is one of my closest friends. If she decides to move out that's fine, she's ignoring me now anyway. I've gotten all I need from this thread thanks again for all the advice.

[The_Conductor]

Shoes34- shall I close this thread?

[Danniboo]

Originally Posted by shoes34

I don't want to live by a set of rules either - I have decided to just say that I would prefer if maybe her boyfriend wasn't there all the time. I guess whatever I say is going to come across as bitchy and she'll go whinging to the other girl in the house and then i guess I run the risk of both of them moving out. also another I never mentioned in this thread is that she is very moody, and its not just at home as my friend works with her and she is the same at work but everyone is afraid to say something to her so going to mention that I can't cope with her mood swings either.

Does her mood swings directly affect you or the other girl in the house? Does she get annoyed with you / her or create an atmosphere in the house? If not then her moods are really nothing to do with you. You should definitely tell her so she will know all the wonderful things you and her mutual "friend" have been saying about her behind her back.

[Danniboo]

Originally Posted by shoes34

I didn't tell her she can't have him stay I just said I don't want it to be all the time.

Originally Posted by shoes34

Also i spoke to my mate today and apologised for putting her in awkward situation and she said it was fine, I just need to vent to a friend and she is one of my closest friends. If she decides to move out that's fine, she's ignoring me now anyway. I've gotten all I need from this thread thanks again for all the advice.

But from what you've said he's only there 1 or 2 nights at the weekend. You still haven't said (correct me if i'm wrong) whether they hang around the communal areas all weekend or keep to themselves. You sound quite passive aggressive OP.

[shoes34]

Originally Posted by smccarrick

Shoes34- shall I close this thread?

yes please.