[Das Kitty]

OK, I'm not single.

I find far more time for my hobbies than I used to before I became a parent. It's like I'm more focused or something. I've done a couple of evening courses and once baba goes to bed I'm doing some hobby or other at home.

We go out together about once a month, I go out to various events as they come up as does my OH.

I don't drink much anymore, but it's a good thing. I have great nights out without a drop and feel grand in the morning.

I'm more than happy with my social life tbh.

[bulmersgal]

I think I'm a exception to the rule too I'm a single mum too my daughter is 2. I go to bootcamp twice a week and then out a couple of nights with my boyfriend. I never go out till she's in bed as she will only settle for me and my parents don't mind watching her as there is no watching on her.

I don't see harm in going out, most nights it's just out for dinner or cinema! It gives u a break and means all your conversations are about more then babies( I remember first year I'd fine myself just non stop talking about her as I did nothing else). Also as a single mother you need a break and a chance to meet a new man

[Sleepy]

In cases where both parents are actively involved, this is one area where being a single parent has some advantages: both parents have a few nights a week where they've no child-minding responsibilities and are free to do as they please.

[pickarooney]

Zero for the first three years or so until we started building up a network of child-minding swappers and realising we didn't need to be there absolutely every second of their lives. The thing is, going out is kind of boring now. I'd much rather have people over for dinner and drinks and that's something we do at least every couple of weeks. I know what Das Kitty means about actually having time for hobbies now in that rather than thinking 'I can do that whenever' I now have a couple of specific hobby time slots in the week which I never miss (unless I'm injured, which is about 60% of the time, but I digress..)

[Ms. Pingui]

Originally Posted by Sleepy

In cases where both parents are actively involved, this is one area where being a single parent has some advantages: both parents have a few nights a week where they've no child-minding responsibilities and are free to do as they please.

I'm totally single so I have my two year old girl all the time. I'm jealous of singletons who have the other parent around!

[Sleepy]

As the first of our friends to have kids, most of our friends in Dublin are still single or childless so their normal social life is out on the town on a Friday or Saturday night so I find it can sometimes be a bit hard to convince them to deviate from their normal plans and come around for dinner/drinks. Looking forward to a point where more of them have settled down and are in the same boat as we are and the dinner/drinks in each other's houses becomes more regular (though maybe it's just my cooking they're avoiding! )

[bulmersgal]

Originally Posted by Sleepy

In cases where both parents are actively involved, this is one area where being a single parent has some advantages: both parents have a few nights a week where they've no child-minding responsibilities and are free to do as they please.

Yea I get 6 hours every 2 weeks free time when her dad collects her and that's not guaranteed time so can never make plans so usually just study the odd occasion he turns up

[bulmersgal]

Originally Posted by Ms. Pingui

I'm totally single so I have my two year old girl all the time. I'm jealous of singletons who have the other parent around!

Having other parent around brings its own problem. My daughter sees her dad less and less every year and she just turned 2

[Ms. Pingui]

Originally Posted by bulmersgal

Having other parent around brings its own problem. My daughter sees her dad less and less every year and she just turned 2

That must be tough too. I guess it's hard whatever way you have it as a single parent

[msthe80s]

This thread almost makes me feel guilty

When ours were young, we always made the effort to go out,either together( getting one of friends to mind or the childminder in) or seperate.


Why not ask friends to mind your children and then return the favour.
Then it won't matter if finances are tight,even go for a picnic or late evening stroll or whatever.
Or have friends around when children are asleep-it is do-able,believe me.
(If it hadn't been ,I'd never have had more than one.)

A little organisation and imagination.

[Birdie086]

Originally Posted by Ms. Pingui

That must be tough too. I guess it's hard whatever way you have it as a single parent

I still remember the exact moment I had to tell my mam and step-dad(a very old fashioned Italian) that I was pregnant and on my own at the ripe old age of 25.

I was paying my mortgage for four years already and put off telling them untill i almost four months gone!!!! I worked for them also so hiding it was awful.

They were better than thought and when my son was born they minded him while I worked(for them).

As far as a social life I was lucky that a few doors down from a neighbour who happened to be my cousin had a daughter of 17 who was quite willing to babysit for half what she used to charge the other nieghbours. It was an awful culture shock going from single life to being a single parent but I was lucky enough to get out once a month from when I stopped nursing(about two months in).

Eventually his dads family played a bigger part(not the dad mind) and now if I need it they take the wee man, now 5, for as long as I need.

There were some very hard times, financially - but thats not the be all of everything, and mentally, I went suffered from post natal depression for the first six months but thank god I had some great friends around who spotted this - I was unaware, and helped me out.

The last two years I have been seeing a guy who is great and had taken me and son as a package. We don't live together yet but if I need to work an early shift he will stay the night and take my son to school for me or take him with when he is working etc.

Sorry for the rambling post but I just thought I would share my story.

Been a crappy road at times, but a very rewarding road at others - like everyone else I suppose!

[Jess16]

Invest time in yourselves -the best thing a child can have is a happy, relaxed parent

[Moonbeam]

Luckily I wasn't mad in to going out to start with.
I am lucky enough that I might get out about once a month to the cinema or for a meal or to a show because I have a brilliant sister in law and although himself travels a lot if he is around I can sometimes go out if he isn't too busy.
Lunch time in work was my social life.
I love my kids but a few hours a month away from them can only do us both good

[Rosy Posy]

I'm not a single mum but have no extended family around. I find for the first year I hardly get out at all but am a SAHM so hang around with other SAHM's during the day. I also find the phone and gmail chat are big social outlet for me. Once a month I have a girls night in which is either at my place or at a friends and I will bring my baby along. He has a late night and probably not as good a sleep as he would on another night but I am a better mother for having the time for a proper catch up with friends.

From when they are fully weaned from the breast and sleeping through the night we get a friend or a local trustworthy teenager to babysit around once a month so we can head out together. Within our circle of friends we have been talking about setting up a rota so everyone babysits for someone else one night a month and in turn gets babysat for- that way it cuts out on having to pay. We sometimes have another family stay over so we can all hang out together too.

I have to say though that this is a point that we have gotten to after three kids, for the first we didn't get a babysitter for ages and I found it hard to leave. I have a few single friends and they really rely on their mates to help them out. All of the 'dating' opportunities and second relationships that have come about from them have, ironically, been through single parents of their kids friends- we have had a few blended families made from my son's class.

I know what you mean about people being funny about kids but I'm guessing you don't have a lot of friends with children? A lot of people don't appreciate children, but still more are mad for them and would be thrilled to help you out and have a 'go' of them. And remember, their baby days are so short, in the grand scheme of things and you will have a long time to rediscover your social life when your child is a little older.

[nesf]

Originally Posted by Jess16

Invest time in yourselves -the best thing a child can have is a happy, relaxed parent

I couldn't agree more, but the reason I don't go out drinking anymore is exactly the above! A two year old bouncing up and down on top of you is not the best way to wake up with a hangover...