[Kinski]

Originally Posted by pickarooney

There's no story there, just the same line re-written over and over, like a skipping Coldplay CD.

But isn't that any CD skipping? Coldplay ones repeat the same line over and over even when playing correctly...

[D-FENS]

This was my entry. As you'll read, I opted to try and follow the cheesy, feel good style of last year's winner and shameless product placement. I'm pretty embarrassed by how it reads now but it's the first bit of writing I’ve done this year so I’m grateful to the competition for encouraging that in me.
Be gentle people

(I didn't title it either)

Chris could hardly believe he had gotten the part as he thanked the director again and left the theatre, the feeling of surprise then followed by relief and happiness. After more than a year of trying, he was finally an employed actor.
As he walked towards Dame Street, arranging by text to meet a friend in a pub to celebrate, he thought of all the failed auditions since finishing drama school. His parents had never shown much interest in what he did. Although he was grateful they had left him to it, he also wished they had encouraged him
However, his opinionated friend Ronan the banker had laughed at his career choice and later suggested that Chris give up what he called a pipe dream. “It’s time to face up to the real world and get a proper job. How much money do you think you can make acting anyway? You would have to be really good at it”.
Chris remembered this as he entered the busy pub and spotted his smug friend, holding court at the bar with some equally loud colleagues from work,
“Ah, here’s the thespian now!” Ronan said sarcastically, with approving laughter from the group. “So, the road to the Oscars starts here”
“Hello, Ronan…Folks” Chris nodded “Well it’s just a start but it’s a part in a play from a really good Irish playwright ...”
Ronan cut him off as he shoved a drink in his hand. “Never really into the theatre, Chris, you know that. Anyway, got you a drink, thought you’d want a Powers, since it’s a celebration. Although seeing you standing there with a whisky and that scarf, I can’t decide if you look like an actor or my Grandfather”.
More snickering from the work crew, but Chris ignored them as the comment seemed to rouse him. He finished his drink, left twenty euros on the bar and excused himself quickly
“Sorry Ronan but I just remembered I have to be somewhere, get the next one on me and have fun, yeah?”
‘Don’t tell me, you’ve realised you’ll have to start rehearsing straight away…” Chris did not hear the rest as he quickly left the pub.
He made his way across town by bus and an hour later walked into his surprised Grandfather’s room at his nursing home, carrying a bottle of Powers.
“Hi Grandad, do you remember you once told me to decide what to be and go be it? Well I did. And I wanted to come tell you all about it”
The elderly man smiled as he stood up to get two glasses.

[echo beach]

Originally Posted by D-FENS

This was my entry. As you'll read, I opted to try and follow the cheesy, feel good style of last year's winner and shameless product placement. I'm pretty embarrassed by how it reads now but it's the first bit of writing I’ve done this year so I’m grateful to the competition for encouraging that in me.
Be gentle people

As you said it is a tad on the cheesy side and it might have been more realistic if his 'friends' engaged in good-natured slagging rather than open ridicule but there is a good story there. Work at it again without the word count hanging over you and I'd say you'll produce something worthwhile from it.

[BellaBella]

I thought the real challenge in this competition was trying to come up with a complete story, that would hold the readers' interest, in just 450 words. That is very different to simply writing a couple of beautiful paragraphs of prose, which is really what the winning entry is. Therefore I don't think it actually rose to the specific challenge of this kind of competition.

I suspect the writer realised this herself but, instead of reworking the piece to add an extra layer that would turn it into a story, she simply took the easy option and tagged on a clunky last line to try and put some definition on the piece.

In a competition with such a large prize and impressive number of entries, I really don't think the judges should have let her away with this.
Not knocking her talent as a writer, but I just don't think her piece met the criteria for this specific competition.
Call it begrudgery if you like, but that's my honest opinion.

[anngee]

I liked your story D-FENS! It's not unlike my entry which also celebrated with a wee dram at the end. Feels kind of corny now having read the winning entry. I loved her description of the rain on windscreen - totally evoked memories for me and it won on that alone.
Btw does anyone know how I can get hold of long list? Emailed Irish Times to no avail.
Keep the faith D-FENS!

[angaryaintjust]

Originally Posted by echo beach

As you said it is a tad on the cheesy side and it might have been more realistic if his 'friends' engaged in good-natured slagging rather than open ridicule but there is a good story there. Work at it again without the word count hanging over you and I'd say you'll produce something worthwhile from it.

Yeah! I thought so too D-fens (loving the falling down reference btw) but the character Ronan is very agressive. Is he angry or jealous the protagonist is doing something towards his dream?

[BellaBella]

Originally Posted by D-FENS

This was my entry. As you'll read, I opted to try and follow the cheesy, feel good style of last year's winner and shameless product placement. I'm pretty embarrassed by how it reads now but it's the first bit of writing I’ve done this year so I’m grateful to the competition for encouraging that in me.
Be gentle people

(I didn't title it either)

Chris could hardly believe he had gotten the part as he thanked the director again and left the theatre, the feeling of surprise then followed by relief and happiness. After more than a year of trying, he was finally an employed actor.
As he walked towards Dame Street, arranging by text to meet a friend in a pub to celebrate, he thought of all the failed auditions since finishing drama school. His parents had never shown much interest in what he did. Although he was grateful they had left him to it, he also wished they had encouraged him
However, his opinionated friend Ronan the banker had laughed at his career choice and later suggested that Chris give up what he called a pipe dream. “It’s time to face up to the real world and get a proper job. How much money do you think you can make acting anyway? You would have to be really good at it”.
Chris remembered this as he entered the busy pub and spotted his smug friend, holding court at the bar with some equally loud colleagues from work,
“Ah, here’s the thespian now!” Ronan said sarcastically, with approving laughter from the group. “So, the road to the Oscars starts here”
“Hello, Ronan…Folks” Chris nodded “Well it’s just a start but it’s a part in a play from a really good Irish playwright ...”
Ronan cut him off as he shoved a drink in his hand. “Never really into the theatre, Chris, you know that. Anyway, got you a drink, thought you’d want a Powers, since it’s a celebration. Although seeing you standing there with a whisky and that scarf, I can’t decide if you look like an actor or my Grandfather”.
More snickering from the work crew, but Chris ignored them as the comment seemed to rouse him. He finished his drink, left twenty euros on the bar and excused himself quickly
“Sorry Ronan but I just remembered I have to be somewhere, get the next one on me and have fun, yeah?”
‘Don’t tell me, you’ve realised you’ll have to start rehearsing straight away…” Chris did not hear the rest as he quickly left the pub.
He made his way across town by bus and an hour later walked into his surprised Grandfather’s room at his nursing home, carrying a bottle of Powers.
“Hi Grandad, do you remember you once told me to decide what to be and go be it? Well I did. And I wanted to come tell you all about it”
The elderly man smiled as he stood up to get two glasses.

Well written, DFens, but it switched suddenly from Ronan to the Grandad with nothing but a spurious remark by Ronan connecting the two. I felt the last couple of paras felt like they were tacked on from a different story. If you're rewriting it I would stick with Ronan and the pub and bring that to a witty/reflective/stinging conclusion. Personally, I think that would work better.

[BellaBella]

Apparently the book is being launched the second week in October, so we will finally get to read all fifty stories.

[kilrush claire]

Thanks for letting us know.

[D-FENS]

Originally Posted by angaryaintjust

Yeah! I thought so too D-fens (loving the falling down reference btw) but the character Ronan is very agressive. Is he angry or jealous the protagonist is doing something towards his dream?

I just wanted him to represent someone who has a conventional 9-5 job and does not understand anyone who does not pursue this way of life, but yes he is basically a character who is bitter, jealous and possibly angry at the main character for trying something different, when he possibly did not have the courage or inspiration to do so.
The main character is basically my nephew to be honest, he is an actor and did not get much encouragement from members of my family at the start, who had the attitude of the Ronan character.
Thanks for the comments

[D-FENS]

Originally Posted by BellaBella

Well written, DFens, but it switched suddenly from Ronan to the Grandad with nothing but a spurious remark by Ronan connecting the two. I felt the last couple of paras felt like they were tacked on from a different story. If you're rewriting it I would stick with Ronan and the pub and bring that to a witty/reflective/stinging conclusion. Personally, I think that would work better.

The switch was because I wanted to introduce a character who “celebrated what truly mattered” to the main character, the opposite of the Ronan character. I didn’t really want the Chris character to be someone who would rise to the comments made by Ronan, I felt he did enough to show him he didn’t care what he thought anymore by just up and leaving.
The remark by Ronan mentioning a Grandfather was enough for Chris to be reminded of his own one and realise he should be with him. It was intended to be more or less a “twist in the tale” if you get me and the section involving Ronan was always meant to build up to the introduction of the Grandad character. It felt a bit rushed to me too but as Echo Beach said, I had the word count in mind and just wanted to try and get the point of the story across. Thanks for the comments

[angaryaintjust]

So who wins pickarooneys €2:00 scratchcard? Psicic's is my favourite, probably because I have spent hours listening to jazz and blues with my own father, but they were all good

[kieslowski]

Got a call from the organisers to say that the book launch was on 9th October in Finnegan's in Dalkey. Anyone longlisted get the call? Hopefully it'll be a good night. I plan to get completely wasted on Powers whiskey

[Miranda7]

Hi,
I was there last year. It was a really great night. Won't be the same this year without Maeve. However, I didn't see anyone wasted so I wouldn't hold my breath there. Congrats on getting on the long list.

[kieslowski]

Did you get a story into the book last year, Miranda? If there is no free whiskey I don't mind buying my own!