What if he tells the teacher, but the teacher blames him, or dismisses what he says?
Originally Posted by blatantrereg
What if he tells the teacher, but the teacher blames him, or dismisses what he says? This is common enough - they just dont want the hassle. Or what if the action he takes to change things ends up making things worse? Like if he told his parents and they blamed him for it, or thought less of him. He's a child. He doesn't have a highly developed idea of how things work yet. He learns from what he experiences.
Vocal responses tend to be the strongest defences against most forms of victimisation - especially when you become an adult. Believe me if you're a 6'4 professional boxer, you risk making things a hell of a lot worse for yourself if you use your physical attributes to defend yourself. Especially if your verbal/social skills are not so well developed.
Your sort of attitude would encourage a child to keep quiet about the bullying, rather than to take appropriate action about it. It is likely to cause the very behaviour that you criticise.
I'm afraid I'm not following your reasoning.
I'm saying that:
1.) Bullying can't continue unless the victim *continues* to allow it by indifference or inaction.
2.) I'd be more disappointed in my child for allowing someone to continually bully him, than I would for him bullying someone else.
I don't see how emphasizing the importance of doing SOMETHING (even a misguided something) when faced with injustice is going to lead a child to NOT take action.
If a parent emphasizes the importance of being 'tough' - certainly, I could see how a child who is bullied would feel he/she has failed in 'being tough' and would want to avoid telling anyone. But I'm taking the opposite stance. It's okay, normal, even expected, that someone else is going to be in a position to take advantage of/wrong you/bully you. There is nothing anyone can do to change that.
The only choice a victim has is how to respond to the injustice.
To put it differently; both the bully and the victim know something wrong is going down. The bully is allowing injustice to continue because it benefits him and because he is in a position of power. The victim is allowing injustice to continue because....he's afraid....he's indifferent....he'd rather ignore his problems than face them....something.
Both of them are in the wrong.
But the underlying traits that the bully is exhibiting aren't bad, in themselves. The execution is bad. I'd be ashamed at my child for being a bully, and I'd take actions to remedy the situation. But I'd more more ashamed at my child for exhibiting the traits that allow a bully to continue to bully them. Whether it be fear, or apathy, or whatever else.
I absolutely wouldn't care if my child is physically weaker than someone else. Everyone is physically weaker than someone else.
Neither situation is good. But I do feel one is worse than the other. That's the whole point of this thread.