[bexstar]

I have a 7 month old child. we had a naming ceremony for her instead of a christening. This was a huge thing for my partners family to except and understand. My mother in law threated to christen her behid ours backs if we didnt do it!!
To cut a very long story short i am left with a terrible worry, which is, did i do the right thing?
I mean i did the right thing for me and was true to my beliefs but in doing that have i made my daughters life a very difficult one?. where we live right now if she goes to the local school in country side she is likely to be the only non catholic or Pagan in the class and miss out on the pretty dress stuff, at communion time, which is all a 7 year old girl will understand no doubt.
I love where we live but now we are thinking of moving into ballincollig where there are bigger schools where there will much more likely be a bigger mix of children of different cultures and religions.
I am not sure what to do for the best all i want is to be happy and for my daughter to be too. I worry about this everyday.
Did i do the right thing? I would really like to hear from parents who didnt christen thier children, what is school like for them and how do you explain why there is no communion party and no church stuff? To mention i am from england and had no idea nearly all the schools here were Catholic until i had my daughter!
Cheers in advance.

[muppeteer]

You absolutely done the right thing.
Every year more and more parents are choosing to break the status quo and showing everyone that Ireland is not a homogeneous pasty Catholic little island anymore. The more people who refuse to bow to the social pressure of faux baptisms and communions just to get along the easier it becomes.
You will also have four years for further changes to take place in the education system before your child starts. Hopefully some of the efforts to reduce the amount of denominational schools will have kicked in by then.
As for getting all dressed up in 7 years time I'm sure a subtable distraction can be found if it seems to be bothering her.
Plenty have done what you'll be doing and come out fine.

If you do happen to change your mind later on should you need a baptismal cert for a certain school or such I wouldn't blame you either. Your kid comes first.
And being selfish I hope you'll stick to your guns

Oh and your mother in law can go swivel for making a threat like that. Completely out of order.

[lazygal]

You absolutely did the right thing. Even though i haven't popped our sprog yet we've been getting comments on christening. Had a thread about it here actually. The more we thought about it the angrier we got. Neither of our families are even slightly religious-so any ceremonies they do decide on are purely on an a la carte basis. I seem to know more theology than my 'religious' sister in law and her husband. We have simply told everyone that the welcome ceremony will be held three months after baby arrives. Any comments on "ah would you not christen the child, what about school, what about communion' etc are not entertained.
I have pointed out that communion and confirmation are things not every single child in the class does any more and that even though they might feel left out, I didn't have everything every other child had in my class, but just because someone else has something or does something, doesn't mean we have to follow. The more people give into familial, societal or educational pressure to have a ceremony they don't believe in, the longer this nonsense will continue.

[Sean Bateman]

It's just my view, but I don't think that you've done the right thing.

I am not a practising Catholic but my daughter was still Christened.

I feel that it was right to give her the opportunity to be a Catholic and that it should then be up to her when she's older whether she wants to continue with it.

Making your child an outcast because of your own views is a little selfish in my view.

[dlofnep]

You did the right thing.

[Sarky]

Originally Posted by Sean Bateman

It's just my view, but I don't think that you've done the right thing.

I am not a practising Catholic but my daughter was still Christened.

I feel that it was right to give her the opportunity to be a Catholic and that it should then be up to her when she's older whether she wants to continue with it.

Making your child an outcast because of your own views is a little selfish in my view.

So when exactly at the christening was the child offered the opportunity to NOT be Christian? I mean, instead of someone making the choice for her?

[dlofnep]

Originally Posted by Sean Bateman

I feel that it was right to give her the opportunity to be a Catholic and that it should then be up to her when she's older whether she wants to continue with it.

She has that opportunity, when she is old enough and wise enough to make an educated decision. Labelling a child as a catholic child is not giving them an opportunity, it's indoctrination.

[lazygal]

Originally Posted by Sean Bateman

It's just my view, but I don't think that you've done the right thing.

I am not a practising Catholic but my daughter was still Christened.

I feel that it was right to give her the opportunity to be a Catholic and that it should then be up to her when she's older whether she wants to continue with it.

Making your child an outcast because of your own views is a little selfish in my view.

We are giving our child the opportunity to be any faith they want. Your child, on the other hand, can never opt out of the catholic faith. In my eyes the parents who insist on indoctrinating their infant children into a faith that they can never ever extricate themselves from are the selfish ones. Just because YOU feel its giving her a choice, which is patently is not, does not mean others are selfish for letting their children chose a faith or decide to have no religion.

[bluewolf]

why dont you "afford her the opportunity" to become a muslim or a hindu or any of the other religions since you're so open minded? take her along to their ceremonies as well

this attitude really kills me
she could get christened ANY time of her life if she wanted to make the choice for herself
it's not now or never
same goes for you OP

[MagicMarker]

OP, you did the right thing, don't mind the gobshítes who tell you otherwise.

[darjeeling]

Originally Posted by Sean Bateman

It's just my view, but I don't think that you've done the right thing.

I am not a practising Catholic but my daughter was still Christened.

I feel that it was right to give her the opportunity to be a Catholic and that it should then be up to her when she's older whether she wants to continue with it.

Making your child an outcast because of your own views is a little selfish in my view.

Outcast? For someone to be an outcast, there have to be casters-out. Who be they here, and should they not reflect more on what they are doing?

[Annmarie2]

You did the right thing. There is nothing to stop her getting christened in the future if that is what she decides.

[Sean Bateman]

Originally Posted by bexstar

I mean i did the right thing for me and was true to my beliefs but in doing that have i made my daughters life a very difficult one?. where we live right now if she goes to the local school in country side she is likely to be the only non catholic or Pagan in the class and miss out on the pretty dress stuff, at communion time, which is all a 7 year old girl will understand no doubt

Originally Posted by darjeeling

Outcast? For someone to be an outcast, there have to be casters-out. Who be they here, and should they not reflect more on what they are doing?

The OP seems to be fearful about her child feeling "different".

There's no right or wrong answer. I just happen to think that it's better for the child to "opt in" and then do what they want at a later date.

[dlofnep]

Originally Posted by Sean Bateman

There's no right or wrong answer.

Yes there is, and yours is the wrong answer.

[quietriot]

Originally Posted by Sean Bateman

It's just my view, but I don't think that you've done the right thing.

I am not a practising Catholic but my daughter was still Christened.

By this you mean that you're a Catholic but aren't arsed subscribing to the actual lifestyle dictated by the book governing the religion, yet you'll happily tick the box come census time or beat your chest in anger over the "oppression" of the Catholic church.

I feel that it was right to give her the opportunity to be a Catholic and that it should then be up to her when she's older whether she wants to continue with it.

The opportunity to be Catholic? Did you take her to the local mosque, to see if she wanted the opportunity to be muslim? How about to the local synagogue, to see if she wanted to become Jewish? What other opportunities was she afforded?

You gave her no such opportunity, I'm afraid. What you have done is indoctrinate your child into a religion which she does not understand and can no longer opt out from. You have put a label on your child which as it stands cannot be removed. There was no "opportunity" afforded, your child has no comprehension of what being a Catholic means. All it means to her is that she got the same as some of the other children in her class.

Making your child an outcast because of your own views is a little selfish in my view.

I'm sorry Sean but your insecurities are showing. You, on the other hand, have removed the right for your child to make her own mind up when she is at an age where she can understand the significance, by indoctrinating her into something she cannot now leave. You have afforded her no opportunities but instead actively removed them from her.

Why did you do this? The same reason you're a "non-practicing" Catholic, of course. So that you can feel a part of something, although you're not willing to put the work in obviously, and you feel that your child should feel a part of the same something.

Or you merely caved to the pressure of your Catholic wife, parents or inlaws. Either way the whole thing stinks of weakness or an inherent, and quite desperate, insecurity in yourself which you've projected onto your innocent child under the guise of giving her an "opportunity".