I lost my father in law almost a year ago. I was really close to him as I don't have a relationship with my own father.
I did everything for him, all his appointments, care, I was the first to know all his results and pass them on to my husband and his mother.
I held his hand as he died while his wife waited downstairs.
I organised the funeral and supported my husband and his mother.
When I get upset and that's been once since the funeral my husband just said, don't be upsetting yourself, I'm fully aware that this is because he has his own grief.
People just see me as the daughter in law so don't think I'm hurting but I have a pain in my chest since he died and it's getting worse.
It just seems like I can't let go because it'll upset others, I don't think they know what I went through with his appointments etc, as it was he wasn't getting the treatment he needed and I got him what he needed in the end.
It kills me that we knew he was dying and he was taken very quick in the end, I was the last to see him as I dropped him to a routine procedure and waved him down the corridor, but it went wrong and that night when we should have been at home I was rallying the family as he was dying.
I has called into work on the Friday to take a few weeks off to care for him and he died on the followinf Wednesday, I never got to give him his last few weeks of pottering around. He had decided not to have treatment as his condition was too far gone. He was told he could have a few months pottering around or a little longer but it would be full of treatment and hospitals.
I don't know how I feel, only to say it's not good. No one seems to understand.