Originally Posted by PurpleBee
I agree the intertwinned thing got a little specific but having said that its a small step towards improvement.
"Big stuff" is a little too general to be helpful in any way as is encouraging the writer to "grab" you...
Sorry purplebee - you're right - I wasn't being very helpful - I think you might be a nicer person than me!
I s'pose all I'm saying is that I'm the type of reader who needs to be forced to 'turn the page'. I give up easily. So I need someone's writing to grip me. To 'grab' me. Now, how the writer does that is entirely up to them. Whether they want to do it through plot, through character development, through language use, through subject matter, through whatever....that's fine. But (for me) they NEED to do it, they NEED to keep my attention. And this piece didn't.
So...and I'm not being negative or vague or unhelpful here (I hope)....small steps towards improvement (as you put it above) are not going to change the overall efficacy of this piece. The writer needs to look at the bigger issues. The whats and whys behind the story. He or she (and for some reason I think the writer is a she) needs to start again and focus in on what she is trying to achieve, what she is trying to make the reader think and feel. That's what I meant by the 'big stuff' - as Tolstoy would probably have put it, the emotive reaction of the audience to a piece of art...and the thing is, my reaction was minimal in that regard...I just thought 'yup, he died...so what!'.
I (as a reader) need to think more, much more, than that. If the piece is to succeed, I need to question something, to re-evaluate something, to doubt something, to at the very least consider something....then, and only then, will the writing have succeeded.
Do you see where I'm coming from?
I hope you do, coz I value your opinion.