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funkystar · 24-12-2011, 19:59

Hi everybody
This is my first post
A friend recommended me.
My dad died suddenly March 12. I was at the airport and I switch on my mobile to find several missed calls. My dad had died an hour and half before I landed back in England. I cried all the way home. This was the longest journey I ever took.

My parents divorced and in spite of this they still shared love for each other. My mum lived in a nursing home. The following day my sister and I went to see my mum to tell her the sad news. At the nursing home we were met by my mum's carer who informed me that my mum had just been given news that she had cancer.

A few days later we found out that my mum had terminal cancer and only a few months to live. My mum has since died July 14th. I had to put my grief for my dad on hold while I helped my mum deal with her pain.

Since then I am trying to deal with my pain of losing both parents. I miss them so much. I am going through so many waves of emotion. I feel like an orphan and its so a painful and sad feeling.

Can anyone relate?

Thanks for reading.

Deki · 26-12-2011, 06:40

My Father died too young . He had a brain stem stroke. Was in a coma. When he died my mother just decided to quit living. I t was very painful for me, their only daughter. I had to try to make my Mother want to live, but I couldn't and in the end she died.
I felt as if I should have been able to do something. Surely there was something I could have done that would have changed things. It has taken quite a while to come to the conclusion that there really wasn't anything I could have done. Everyone dies. I do feel like an orphan. I just roll with it. Some days are worse than others. I try to be thankful that I had them for as long as I did, but truly, some days I feel cheated that they are gone now. It does get easier to cope and time erases the sharpness of the pain, but it can still creep up on you and it still hurts. You get better but loss is still felt.
Hugs to you funkystar.

**Taltos** · 26-12-2011, 08:40

Deki - I know you are trying to help but please do not ask others to PM or contact you in this forum.

If you are unsure of our guidelines please refer to our Charter.

Thanks for your understanding,
Taltos

Deki · 26-12-2011, 08:57

I am very sorry, just wasn't thinking.

Joe10000 · 26-12-2011, 09:03

I have no experience of this but my heart goes out to you both, if you have extended family do try to stay in touch, i think that's very important.

Cork Lass · 26-12-2011, 19:05

Hi Funkystar. I lost my father this week. He died suddenly but had been in full time care for the last 2 years as he had very severe Alzheimer's and was also wheelchair bound. The loss is heart wrenching even though we are grateful that he is finally at rest. I have been here before as my mother died when she was only 47. I know how you must be feeling but also know that things will get easier with time. You will always have your memories but the pain will lessen. Knowing this is what is keeping me going at the moment. I hope this is of some help to you.

funkystar · 28-12-2011, 19:42

Thank you all for sharing
Still feeling like a stratched record. Not sure if there is a good way to die. Did not get to see my dad as he died suddenly and I feel he was ready.

For the last few months afer my dad died I had to watch my mum go through so much pain. She did not complain and I was so proud of her. I went to see her every day so that she new that she wasn't alone. I have so much wonderful memories, but who else will go you such unconditional love. You will always be their baby, little girle, little boy no matter how old you are. Once they have gone the loss can never compare. Love you mum and dad and as the song goes see you at the crossroad..,.

backgarden · 15-01-2012, 00:35

i lost my mum 7 weeks after a long illness i spent every day with her lookin after her with my sister she was my best friend my whole life i miss her so much i dont know what to do with myself i feel like im going mad she all i think about every day gets harder without her does it get easier or will i always feel this way i really need someone to talk to i cant talk to my husband family or friends i dont know why but i cant please can someone help me

Lorna123 · 23-02-2012, 18:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by backgarden

i lost my mum 7 weeks after a long illness i spent every day with her lookin after her with my sister she was my best friend my whole life i miss her so much i dont know what to do with myself i feel like im going mad she all i think about every day gets harder without her does it get easier or will i always feel this way i really need someone to talk to i cant talk to my husband family or friends i dont know why but i cant please can someone help me

Very sorry to hear how unhappy you are Backgarden. Nothing ever replaces your mother. Nothing ever leaves a hole so big in your life when she goes. I felt a lot of pain when my mother died and some days I felt I couldn't go on. I have to say that it does get easier to cope with. My mother is dead 4 years now but it is really only in the last year that I can think about her without crying. My mother was 92 when she died so she had a good life. I often think about her and wish that I had devoted more time to her, wish that I had been more understanding when she complained etc. The only thing I can think of that may give you some comfort is that your mother would not like you to feel sad about her leaving. She would like you to remember her with happpiness in your heart and above all she would like you to be happy for the rest of your life even if she is not here. She would hate to think that you are unhappy because of her. We all have to die at some stage and it was your mother's time to die when she did. We have no control over when we die or when others die and we have to try and accept it as all part of the great plan for us humans. You have the comforting thoughts of remembering your mother and the little things she used to do and say and these will never leave you. It takes a while to get over a mother's death so don't beat yourself up and think that you will never get over it, you will, in time.

Friends · 27-02-2012, 19:39

OP my father died recently after a battle with cancer, actually it will be 4 weeks this week. It's strange as while it seems like a while ago it happened, it's not really. I can tell I'm still grieving over it and I don't feel like moving on. In a way I can still hear him and expect to speak to him anytime I call home. I'm having a super stressful start to my week at work and just thinking about that and the month's mind this week sent me over the edge and into tears there now.

I'm not sure what to say to you, except feel free to grieve and don't bottle it up. I don't know how long it takes to get over the loss of a parent. I think other people except you to move on quickly unless it's happened to them as in a way, they kind of forget about it very quickly. But for the family, they don't.

Just take your time and don't rush it.

All the best.

cynder · 28-02-2012, 11:04

My dad died nearly 3 years ago, it gets better with time.

There are days where i put on his music and listen to it just as i did when i was a kid. Its a nice reminder. My husband never talked about my dad dieing int he early days because as soon as he mentioned his name i would tear up and sometimes cry. Im good at dealing with things on my own. Sometimes you do need to cry even now when i listen to his music i tear up... and writing this now im tearing up....

Time is a great healer. After my fathers death my husband got pictures made up of our wedding the year before and framed them, my dad was in the pictures, his not full of words, but his actions are full of love.... A hug is sometimes all i need.

24-12-2011, 19:59	#1
funkystar Registered User Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 2 Adverts \| Friends	Couping with the lost of mum & dad Hi everybody This is my first post A friend recommended me. My dad died suddenly March 12. I was at the airport and I switch on my mobile to find several missed calls. My dad had died an hour and half before I landed back in England. I cried all the way home. This was the longest journey I ever took. My parents divorced and in spite of this they still shared love for each other. My mum lived in a nursing home. The following day my sister and I went to see my mum to tell her the sad news. At the nursing home we were met by my mum's carer who informed me that my mum had just been given news that she had cancer. A few days later we found out that my mum had terminal cancer and only a few months to live. My mum has since died July 14th. I had to put my grief for my dad on hold while I helped my mum deal with her pain. Since then I am trying to deal with my pain of losing both parents. I miss them so much. I am going through so many waves of emotion. I feel like an orphan and its so a painful and sad feeling. Can anyone relate? Thanks for reading.

26-12-2011, 06:40	#2
Deki Closed Account Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 21,134 Adverts \| Friends	My Father died too young . He had a brain stem stroke. Was in a coma. When he died my mother just decided to quit living. I t was very painful for me, their only daughter. I had to try to make my Mother want to live, but I couldn't and in the end she died. I felt as if I should have been able to do something. Surely there was something I could have done that would have changed things. It has taken quite a while to come to the conclusion that there really wasn't anything I could have done. Everyone dies. I do feel like an orphan. I just roll with it. Some days are worse than others. I try to be thankful that I had them for as long as I did, but truly, some days I feel cheated that they are gone now. It does get easier to cope and time erases the sharpness of the pain, but it can still creep up on you and it still hurts. You get better but loss is still felt. Hugs to you funkystar. Last edited by Deki; 26-12-2011 at 08:57.

26-12-2011, 08:40	#3
Taltos Moderator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: In my head Posts: 5,847 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Personal Issues, PI Mods, Separation and Divorce	Deki - I know you are trying to help but please do not ask others to PM or contact you in this forum. If you are unsure of our guidelines please refer to our Charter. Thanks for your understanding, Taltos

26-12-2011, 08:57	#4
Deki Closed Account Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 21,134 Adverts \| Friends	I am very sorry, just wasn't thinking.

26-12-2011, 09:03	#5
Joe10000 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Dublin, Ireland Posts: 1,059 Adverts \| Friends	I have no experience of this but my heart goes out to you both, if you have extended family do try to stay in touch, i think that's very important.

26-12-2011, 19:05	#6
Cork Lass Registered User Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Far away from you Posts: 3,761 Adverts \| Friends	Hi Funkystar. I lost my father this week. He died suddenly but had been in full time care for the last 2 years as he had very severe Alzheimer's and was also wheelchair bound. The loss is heart wrenching even though we are grateful that he is finally at rest. I have been here before as my mother died when she was only 47. I know how you must be feeling but also know that things will get easier with time. You will always have your memories but the pain will lessen. Knowing this is what is keeping me going at the moment. I hope this is of some help to you.

28-12-2011, 19:42	#7
funkystar Registered User Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 2 Adverts \| Friends	Thank you all for sharing Still feeling like a stratched record. Not sure if there is a good way to die. Did not get to see my dad as he died suddenly and I feel he was ready. For the last few months afer my dad died I had to watch my mum go through so much pain. She did not complain and I was so proud of her. I went to see her every day so that she new that she wasn't alone. I have so much wonderful memories, but who else will go you such unconditional love. You will always be their baby, little girle, little boy no matter how old you are. Once they have gone the loss can never compare. Love you mum and dad and as the song goes see you at the crossroad..,.

15-01-2012, 00:35	#8
backgarden Registered User Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 4 Adverts \| Friends	i lost my mum 7 weeks after a long illness i spent every day with her lookin after her with my sister she was my best friend my whole life i miss her so much i dont know what to do with myself i feel like im going mad she all i think about every day gets harder without her does it get easier or will i always feel this way i really need someone to talk to i cant talk to my husband family or friends i dont know why but i cant please can someone help me

27-02-2012, 19:39	#10
grievingtoo Guest Posts: n/a Adverts \| Friends	OP my father died recently after a battle with cancer, actually it will be 4 weeks this week. It's strange as while it seems like a while ago it happened, it's not really. I can tell I'm still grieving over it and I don't feel like moving on. In a way I can still hear him and expect to speak to him anytime I call home. I'm having a super stressful start to my week at work and just thinking about that and the month's mind this week sent me over the edge and into tears there now. I'm not sure what to say to you, except feel free to grieve and don't bottle it up. I don't know how long it takes to get over the loss of a parent. I think other people except you to move on quickly unless it's happened to them as in a way, they kind of forget about it very quickly. But for the family, they don't. Just take your time and don't rush it. All the best.

28-02-2012, 11:04	#11
cynder Registered User Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Home Sweet Home Posts: 4,131 Adverts \| Friends	My dad died nearly 3 years ago, it gets better with time. There are days where i put on his music and listen to it just as i did when i was a kid. Its a nice reminder. My husband never talked about my dad dieing int he early days because as soon as he mentioned his name i would tear up and sometimes cry. Im good at dealing with things on my own. Sometimes you do need to cry even now when i listen to his music i tear up... and writing this now im tearing up.... Time is a great healer. After my fathers death my husband got pictures made up of our wedding the year before and framed them, my dad was in the pictures, his not full of words, but his actions are full of love.... A hug is sometimes all i need.