The parent of a good friend of mine died very suddenly. We live on opposite sides of the country, and aren't in regular contact. A mutual friend of our's texted me to let me know what had happened. This mutual friend is an extremely organised person, is always on top of things, plans most things that we ever do - down to a tee - and basically just tends to take control of everything. I asked her to let me know when the funeral plans had been arranged, and she replied straight away and said she would, leaving me feel safe in the feeling that I would be informed in good time.
Four days later, I still hadn't heard from the mutual friend. And so I was just assuming that, because of the sudden nature of the death (the person was relatively young), that this is what was causing the delay in funeral arrangements - postmortem, etc. To me, it was simply unthinkable that this mutual friend of ours would not be completely and totally organised - it just has never been in her nature to not be - and therefore it never dawned on me that she - shock horror - may have forgotten to contact me.
Well, it turned out that she had in fact forgotten. The funeral took place four days after the death (yesterday.) I found out after checking death notices online last night.
I fully take the blame for this - I should have been checking the death notices every day to check for the funeral arrangements. I made a stupid error. The reason why I explained about our mutual friend and how organised she is was to show that my absence from the funeral was a genuine and honest mistake, and not out of a lack of caring for our bereaved friend.
I wanted so badly for her to have me (a friend) there at the funeral, so that she could see she was cared for. And yet I made such a silly mistake in the process, meaning I wasn't there.
I don't want my bereaved friend to feel uncared for. But I don't want to bother her when she's trying to deal with this loss - so I'm reluctant to send an explanatory text - I don't want her to have the extra burden of trying to reassure me that she's not upset with me.
Therefore, I don't know which is the appropriate thing to do now. Should I text her and tell her that I wanted to be there so badly but due to an error on my part I unfortunately missed it? Or should I just leave her to get on with grieving for the moment?
I'm not sure what I'd personally want in that situation, so if any of you have been bereaved by a parent, I'd really appreciate your opinion. I want to know what's best for my bereaved friend - I'm not asking what's the best way to "get myself out of" the situation.