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19-08-2011, 01:38   #61
rainbowdrop
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I grew up in Yorkshire, UK and this has to be said in a Yorkshire accent:

Eeee by gum
Does your belly touch your bum?
Do your tits hang low?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do your balls hang flat?
Can you tie 'em in a plait?
Eeee by gum
Can you say that?

When we were playing a game and trying to decide who was 'out' we used to say:

Ip dip dog shit
Fuckin bastard
Dirty git
You are not IT

We were always careful not to use that kind of language in front of our Mum's though, we would have been battered for swearing like that
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19-08-2011, 01:39   #62
MungBean
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How many animals can ya fit in a condom?

A cock and a few hares.


Had no idea what a condom was at the time or why anyone would be putting chickens and rabbits in it.
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19-08-2011, 09:00   #63
Aglomerado
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Great thread. I was only talking about these jokes/ rhymes with an old school friend a couple of weeks ago. These were the ones we remembered:

Diarrhoea Custard, Diarrhoea pie,
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye
Snots on toast
Three feet thick
All mixed together with a cup of cold sick.

I was walking down the lane and I got a sudden pain,
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!
It may sound funny but it's really hot and runny
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!
It runs down your leg like a soft boiled egg,
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!
My mother wasn't in so I did it in the bin
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!

There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he'd never been born
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the tip of the rubber was torn

Good times!
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19-08-2011, 09:08   #64
foxyboxer
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It came from me hole like Maradona scorin' a goal
Diarrhea Paw Paw
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19-08-2011, 09:20   #65
tightropetom
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It shoots from your bum like a bullet from a gun
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
Me father wasn't in so I did it in the bin
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
Me mother wasn't there so I dumped it in the chair
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
When you think your friends are joking but your pants are brown and soaking:
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
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19-08-2011, 09:54   #66
zyxwvu
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[said quietly] "only queers say what!" [/said quietly]

what?

ahhh!!!!!
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19-08-2011, 10:07   #67
massdebater
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Used to sing to the younger kids who liked Barney:

I hate you
You hate me
Lets get a gun and shoot Barney
With a great big bang
And a bullet through the head
Sorry kids but Barney's dead!



When we got older it became:

I hate you
You hate me
Barney took an ectasy
Now he's lying dead on the floor
No more purple dinosaur

Even though we hadn't a clue what ectasy was! we still don't...
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19-08-2011, 10:21   #68
Run_to_da_hills
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Why dose Helen Keller play the piano with one hand?

Because she sings with the other one.
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19-08-2011, 10:33   #69
fryup
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what? no paddy irishman jokes?

Paddy Englishman Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman were in a desert and their car broke down. They decided to walk to the nearest town. It was really hot so Paddy Englishman said he would take the radiator water, Paddy Scotsman said that he would have the windscreen washer water and Paddy Irishman said he that he would take the door because if it got too hot he could roll down the window.
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19-08-2011, 10:33   #70
Sergeant
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What do you call a bra stretched across a road?

A boobie trap.
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19-08-2011, 12:24   #71
Borat_Sagdiyev
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aglomerado View Post
Great thread. I was only talking about these jokes/ rhymes with an old school friend a couple of weeks ago. These were the ones we remembered:

Diarrhoea Custard, Diarrhoea pie,
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye
Snots on toast
Three feet thick
All mixed together with a cup of cold sick.

I was walking down the lane and I got a sudden pain,
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!
It may sound funny but it's really hot and runny
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!
It runs down your leg like a soft boiled egg,
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!
My mother wasn't in so I did it in the bin
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!

There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he'd never been born
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the tip of the rubber was torn

Good times!
Quote:
Originally Posted by tightropetom View Post
It shoots from your bum like a bullet from a gun
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
Me father wasn't in so I did it in the bin
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
Me mother wasn't there so I dumped it in the chair
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
When you think your friends are joking but your pants are brown and soaking:
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea
Diarrhoea, Diarrhoea,
You do a little dance and you find it in your pants

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19-08-2011, 12:33   #72
c_man
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I was climbing up a tree,
something brown fell on my knee
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!

(not sure of the physics of that one)
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19-08-2011, 12:33   #73
Jimmy Two Times
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D'ya wipe your arse with your left hand or your right hand ?

My right hand, why ?

D'ya not use Jacks Paper like everyone else ?
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19-08-2011, 12:38   #74
MungBean
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Jonesey fancies Fr Murphy TID, TIND (true if destroyed, true if not destroyed)

Poor little Jonsey left in a horrified confused and angry state trying to figure a way of getting this off his pencil case before his ma sees it.
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19-08-2011, 13:25   #75
pdbhp
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From Barney!

I love you, you love me
Barney gave me HIV
now I'm very very sick
all because of Barneys dick.
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