[Stu]

Your husband doesn't need to have an extra marital affair. Buy him a Fleshlight, i'm being serious here. If its just sex thats the problem and not just that he needs the intimacy aspect of sex then a fleshlight will do the trick.

[IpreDictDeatH]

First of all, the idea of allowing your husband screw another woman, for whatever reason, is absurd. So forget about that. If the sex thing becomes too much of an issue, then break up and find a man who is willing to not screw other women because your sex drive aint that high. Yes monogomany isnt the only way to have a relationship, but it is the only way to have a committed one. Society decided this a long time ago.

So forget the idealistic idea that being in an open relationship is somehow new age and cool. It isnt, its odd. And if you are in an open relationship you aint in a commited one, if you're ok with that then fire away.

I'd like the OP to tell us exactly what the difference is between the two's sex drives. How many times do you have sex and how many times does he want it?

Also, has he said he would be ok with sleeping with another woman?

I have gone a long time without sex with my partner, for various reasons,but not once would i consider sleeping with another person. Lots of masterbation,sure....but to physicaly be with someone other than the woman i love? Absurd!

[Motley Crue]

I think you could end up loosing your entire relationship over this

I would honestly try and work on why you don't want to have sex with your husband

I'd agree that ideally you want to investigate your own lack of sex drive first.

If that doesn't work out, and if you go forward with this arrangement, I'd actually think a regular escort would be the best solution (rather than trying to have affairs with random women - which could turn into emotional entanglement).

[Maga]

Hi OP,

it's a very interesting issue and you are going to have replies coming from both extremes - probably quite a heated argument too!

From my point of view, your issue is actually divided in 2 issues:

1) What to do about your relationship:
Situation: you don't feel like having sex with your husband, but you both have a solid and trusting relationship (or at least that is how it came across in your post).

Contrary to believes, and as some people already mentioned here, there are literally thousands of ways of defining and living and establishing a relationship. A relationship is not only sex. It's not only wedding. It can definitely be way more than (as very cleverly discussed by another poster) the Christin Anglo-saxonic ideal of a "wedlock".

There are millions of variations of polyamorous people, open relationships, etc, etc, and at the end of the day, you have to go for what works out for you. I know it might sound wild for some people, even bizarre, but most of these relationships are actually based on sincere love.

Some couples have an open relationship where sex is only allowed without strings. Others might include a thrid person in the relationship without (much) conflict. There is a multitude of info, blogs and unbiased and candid info in the net, take a look, talk to your husband and see how you guys feel about it. But it requires a HUGE amount of TRUST and communication, in the widest sense of the word.

Maybe if you guys open the relationship, you might even have an affair that might bring you back those butterfly-in-the-stomach romantic teen ideals and that could actually help with the sex drive - and in the long run, help your wedding.

2) The other issue is your sex drive - independently of your husband.
Sex is nice, and you could be missing out something really good in life. It's not everything, and some people indeed won't miss it much, as others will miss it lots.

I would suggest you explore this side of yours more, but unconnected with your husband. When I say that, I mean, try to figure out yourself why you feel like this about sex in general, without focusing on the specific situation of your marriage/your husband, and above all, without bringing feelings of guilty or inadequacy into the equation.

You might learn a lot about yourself as a woman if you can see it - as much as possible - as an issue of personal growth and self-knowledge, and not as an obligation to your husband or to Society.

Best of luck, you might be actually starting a wonderful journey. It might be a journey by yourself, or even together with your husband. But be brave and take the first steps.

And read a lot of opinions before, trying to keep your mind as open as possible. There is a world of diversity out there regarding how to relate to a human being, and only you can decide what will make you happy.

[kjl]

Hi OP,

Well first of all I think you are wise to consider different points of views on this before jumping in and getting hurt.

My advice is that if you let him go up to Dublin for a couple of nights out he is not necessarily going to get lucky, and hence you will still be in the same situation. Also there is a possibility that he might meet someone who he develops feeling for, and where would that leave you.

I think if you are going to go about with this plan, you need to do it though escorts. You can tell him something like maybe once every two months he can have a 30 min visit with an escort to relive his tension. This way he will not be on the pull, there will be no chance of a relationship and most of all he will be safe from STI's as escorts tend to be very conscience of using protection.

[Emme]

Originally Posted by kjl

Hi OP,

Well first of all I think you are wise to consider different points of views on this before jumping in and getting hurt.

My advice is that if you let him go up to Dublin for a couple of nights out he is not necessarily going to get lucky, and hence you will still be in the same situation. Also there is a possibility that he might meet someone who he develops feeling for, and where would that leave you.

I think if you are going to go about with this plan, you need to do it though escorts. You can tell him something like maybe once every two months he can have a 30 min visit with an escort to relive his tension. This way he will not be on the pull, there will be no chance of a relationship and most of all he will be safe from STI's as escorts tend to be very conscience of using protection.

If he isn't repulsive and he's reasonably wealthy he will more than likely score in Dublin . That's the sad truth from my observations. Especially if he doesn't say straight out that he's married. Some women don't look for a wedding ring, others are too drunk to look and others are too callous to care. That's not a good reflection on certain women but that's the way it goes and I wouldn't judge them too harshly or call them names. Life is not perfect.

It would be better for the OP's husband to go down the escort route - as kjl said they are very conscious of protection and STIs and it's the closest he can get to a simple transaction with no emotional involvement.

But OP please exhaust all other possibilities first - another poster suggested that you explore your own sensuality and you might seek your husband out more often.

If you are both definite about an open marriage then that's your business but be sure that you both agree on the rules of the arrangement and have regular discussions about it.

[Stu]

Buy him a Fleshlight then he has no excuses for playing offside. Seriously, if everything else in the relationship is ok bar sex then there are other means of getting what he needs without meeting other women.

What happens if you allow him to meet other women for sex and then he meets someone who wants sex just as much as he does and who knows, he might even fall for her. It's a bad idea to allow a man that kind of freedom and think that this will solve the problem, it will in the short term but you are opening up a can of worms that may end up with the marriage slowly dying.

You need to seriously weigh things up and be sure that letting him meet other women won't adversely affect your marriage but its a dangerous game and you don't really have a lot to gain from it but potentially a lot to lose in terms of your self respect and dignity.

[Reesy]

Originally Posted by Emme

I don't. However, I have been propositioned by several married men, some on business trips staying overnight and I'm not the only woman who has either. I never assented to their requests so I don't know if they would actually go through with it but they did ask...

Sory, Emme, but just because you've been propositioned by several married men it does not follow that:

Originally Posted by Emme

If he travels for work and stays away overnight it is likely that he has cheated already and hasn't told you.

I travel away a lot, with various men (and women) and none of us cheats. Please don't tar the majority of men with that brush. It's a horrid assumption to make.