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16-12-2010, 21:10   #1
dunbar
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Why cant i get excited about anything?

Hi guys,

I seem to have exhausted all options here on this one. I'm in my late 20's and i'm in college and working. I 've been going out with my girlfriend for 2/3 years. And for as long as i can remember, not get excited about anything in life! If i do get the odd bit of excitement about something it is over shadowed by this sense of wanting to get it over with quickly, when it actually comes around. I sometimes have to pretend to be excited about things and then n i feel so fake, its that or be labeled a grumpy bastard.

I always worry about the next impending event and it seems to take over my life until it has passed, but is quickly followed by the next. I'm v.happy with my GF, but my unwillingness to commit to do things and overall indecisiveness about things is going to destroy us i feel. I build things up in my head, so much to the point of making myself physically sick, it's not good for me and i don't know what to do.

I'm in college, but i am desperately unhappy there and feel like just not going back. I feel that if i leave, people will think i'm a drop out/waster. I always feel that i'm just doing things in life to make other people happy, and never do what i want to do. Do other people ever experience things like this? How do i break the cycle? Any advice would be great.

thanks
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17-12-2010, 00:51   #2
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I will post anonymously for this one.

I feel your pain brother, and see a lot of what I have experienced/experience in your post. For years I have experienced exactly the same type of scenario - I always felt like I should be over the moon about certain things and yet I just didn't, rather just numbed to it. I have figured out that this is partly due to the stress I continuously put myself under through worrying about every single facet of my life - as you put it, when one "worry" is out of the way, the next one comes along instantly (though I am unsure are you taking about actual events and occasions here or just the worries that arise in life due to work, college etc.) My gut feeling would be that perhaps the stress you experience over certain parts of your life is a contributor to your inability to get excited about other aspects of it - that it is preventing you from relaxing and enjoying life.

Can I ask if you ever considered/felt like you were depressed, because I also see elements of this in your post too purely from my own experience (could be completely wrong).

As for what you should too - have you family you can lean on? Does your girlfriend know of your troubles? I can't offer a magic bullet I'm afraid but I would recommend you go see your GP and lay it all on the table - I did this and was put on an anti-depressant which has made things more manageable (though not perfect) - I was encouraged to go to counselling too which I am still trying to make myself go to I'll admit but its all a process.

If your worried about cost of GP/counsellor, if you are in college it should be free or cost next to nothing.

edit: in terms of you feeling like you do things to make others happy, this may well be the case and it might mean what you are doing in college is wrong for you BUT it could be that stress/depression or something along those lines is clouding your judgement. I was ready to drop out of my masters and seeing my GP was the first step back.
 
17-12-2010, 01:32   #3
Feeling the same at 24
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I also feel the same way. It is reassuring to know others are experiencing the same thing. I did go to one counselling session and for a few days afterwards you will feel great. I think just talking about these issues helps.

When I was 19 someone told me that most of life is mundane and boring and strangely I find that to be a reassuring thought.
 
17-12-2010, 11:45   #4
dunbar
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It's good to see that i'm not the only one who feels like this!! Not the only 'stone hearted person' (no offense).

I don't know if i'm depressed, maybe. I've always thought of depression as something other people suffer from. If i was to tell my GF how i was feeling about things she'll try to offer a solution and not listen if u get me? And will try to push me into her course of action, but, in a loving way.

I can't really talk to anyone in my family about it, they're very dismissive of people's feelings, i get the "you'll be fine", or "it's all in your head", or "stop being silly", then i actually think that its my fault for feeling how i feel, that i'm unreasonable. That, then undermines any feelings i have and i tend not to express them. Plus, things are quite tense in the house and i'd prefer not to pour any more problems into the 'tense bucket'.

I've been to a counselor in college, but she wasn't great,and a bit unprofessional. Do you's think the GP is the best option? Or should i go see a different counselor?
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17-12-2010, 11:54   #5
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Oh and i'm talking about actual social events and things. I worry about stupid mundane things like, I'd worry firstly about getting there, then when i'm there i'd worry about how i'll get home and then when home i'd worry about something coming up during the week.Then all the bits of college in between. Stress doesn't even begin to describe it!!! Its a constant battering on my nerves, a sense of total uncertainty and anxiety about things. I want to be care free like when i was younger. I've no mortgage, kids or commitments like that yet and i shudder to think how i'll be when i do.
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17-12-2010, 12:14   #6
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I feel the exact same. An ex and my best friend have called me a robot. I have been lucky enough to do a bit of travel this past year but just couldn't get excited by it. I would make an effort the first few days but then quickly I'd realize it just didn't interest me which would make me feel even more down than if I was at home.

I don't really want to go out for nights out. I don't keep many friends because I don't make much of an effort. I have had a few ideas for business oppurtunities but have not pursued them because when I get home from work, I just get drained of motivation.

I started going to counselling a few weeks ago. I feel a bit relieved right after it and it has actually resulted in me thinking about things less which helps but as of now I'm not really excited about stuff. Hopefully things improve.
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17-12-2010, 12:42   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wompa1 View Post
I have been lucky enough to do a bit of travel this past year but just couldn't get excited by it. I would make an effort the first few days but then quickly I'd realize it just didn't interest me which would make me feel even more down than if I was at home.

I don't really want to go out for nights out. I don't keep many friends because I don't make much of an effort. I have had a few ideas for business oppurtunities but have not pursued them because when I get home from work, I just get drained of motivation.
I actually thought of just packing everything up recently and fleeing for the hills. I thought getting away and travelling would be good for me too, but now i'm not so sure.

I'm very similar on the friends thing and business ideas, i don't really make much effort either, its kind of like a make a conscious effort to be isolated in case something happens. With regards to the business ideas, i've had a few gems but have never really had the drive to get them for the fear of ****ing up. Suppose i'll never reallt get anywhere in life if i don't stick my neck on the line sometimes.

I'm very much of the opinion that things like that don't happen to people like me. I'm really my own worst enemy, but even more scary, probably my own best friend.
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17-12-2010, 12:53   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dunbar View Post
I actually thought of just packing everything up recently and fleeing for the hills. I thought getting away and travelling would be good for me too, but now i'm not so sure.

I'm very similar on the friends thing and business ideas, i don't really make much effort either, its kind of like a make a conscious effort to be isolated in case something happens. With regards to the business ideas, i've had a few gems but have never really had the drive to get them for the fear of ****ing up. Suppose i'll never really get anywhere in life if i don't stick my neck on the line sometimes.

I'm very much of the opinion that things like that don't happen to people like me. I'm really my own worst enemy, but even more scary, probably my own best friend.
Ah ok, we differ there, I don't have the drive for reasons unknown to me...I think I'm just in a rut which apparently is a sign of depression. You should go to a spa or something, trying and relax. You shouldn't fear f**king up, just believe in yourself that 1.) you won't f**k up 2.) If you do you have the smarts to resolve it.

I am a huge pessimist and see things very black and white which hurts me a lot in areas but the one thing it helps with is decision making. I have actually said this to my counseller that I don't want to take away all of my pessimism because I think it makes me a good decision maker and that I just want a bit more optimism...if that makes sense
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17-12-2010, 16:10   #9
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its age related, u will improve this as u grow older. other peoples opinions of you become less and less important as u age. equally, situations become less important as other things in life become more important, like raising children paying morgage holding down a job.
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