[tbh]

Mods - hope this is ok, feel free to delete/edit if not.

One of the things that bereaved people say a lot is that they feel bad about "boring" their friends with stories about the loved one that they've lost.

So, I propose that we have a thread where you can say as much or as little as you like about that person, and not feel embarrassed about blathering on

I'll thank every post that I can to let you know that someone is listening

[The Recliner]

Stickied as I think this is a good idea and might help a lot of people

[Contessa Raven]

This is a great idea! I was actually responding to another thread in here on Monday and I wrote an essay about my gran. I didn't post it though as I figured no-one would care enough to read it all.

My gran was like a mother to me. When my parents went back to work after I was born, she raised me pretty much! She lived on the same street as us so I saw her everyday. It got to the stage where I lived/stayed with her 5 nights out of 7. I adored her. She was my best friend. I haven't got the best relationship with my mother and so all those mother-daughter bonding things I did with my gran.

When I was 14 she passed away. It was so sudden. She wasn't ill. I stayed with her one Sunday night and left early in the morning without a chance to speak to her. That evening, we got a knock on the door to say she had collapsed at the top of the street. She had suffered a brain haemorrhage.

She was declared brain dead and died on the Thursday. It was so hard. It was like I lost a mother. Even now, 7 years later, I still get a longing ache when I think about her. She was amazing.

I just wanted to write out how I felt about her because I never really told her I loved her. We didn't have that type of relationship. She wasn't a soppy woman. But I know she knew I idolised her and I know she loved me like a daughter.

I love you gran. I miss you so much. Watch over me. X

[jellybear]

My Granny died in 2009 and I still find it impossible to talk about it all. She basically became ill very quckly and had to go into hospital, she had an operation and spent a week in ICU and three months in a ward 'recovering'. The whole three months she was in there all she talked about was going home, she loved her home so much. I visited her as much as possible and whenever I would go in the nurses would sy 'Oh your the teacher, she never stops talking about you!'. My granny was so proud of me because I was in my final year of college, about to become a teacher. During her stay in hospital my parents went abroad (it was already planned and she stubbornly told them to go, that she would be fine!). I went in and spent 2hours visiting her one of the nights and it was so lovely, we talked about old times, my plans for the summer, literally everything. Granny loved to know all the news and I was going to a friends party and had gotten a new dress so she made me tell her all about it, like always- she did this if you went out for a meal or went shopping, she wanted to know what you ate,what you bought etc. Granny was doing really well and they kept telling her she was getting stronger and would be going home soon. I saw her on Thursday evening, my dad and I went in for the usual visit. During the usual chat she said she needed to talk to me, she wanted me to be her carer when she went home because she wouldnt be able to look after herself. Me and Dad would look after her and all she kept saying was 'and dont worry Ill pay you and everything!' Of course I would have been her carer, sure we were planning to build a granny flat for her at our house so she could live with the family. We finished our chat and it was time to go, I gave her the usual hug and kiss and told her I would be in to see her as soon as I could but my college finals were starting the week after next so it might be a few days, of course she said not to be worrying and her usual 'please God' when I said I would see her soon. She took a turn for the worst on Friday and I got the most upsetting phonecall I will ever get on the Saturday afternoon, she had died. I will never forget where I was and what I was doing, sitting in the local waiting for a football match to start. Of course I rushed into the hospital to be with my family but mostly my dad. He was Grannys (and grandad who died in 2006) carer for years. He spent at least two hours everyday with her. I was heartbroken, she had been talking to my uncle, asking him what they had for dinner that afternoon and all of a sudden she grabbed her chest and cried out in pain, she had a sudden and completely unexpected heart attack. Later that afternoon the woman in the bed opposite her showed me a picture on her mobile of my granny using the walker to come back into the room that morning after her physio.

The removal and funeral where the next week, Wednesday and Thursday, the week I struggled to study for my college finals. After the removal Daddy gave me a present, Granny's wedding ring, he said 'She loved you and trusted you more than anyone, she would want you to have it.'

I wore it around my neck on a chain for my college finals and got the best results of my time in college. She was definitely looking down on me.

Granny was so proud of me and my one regret is not being able to drive to her house (like I did when I passed my driving test or anything big happened) to tell her I had gotten my first teaching job in a lovely school. She would have loved it and Im so sad I never got to tell her.

I love you Granny, sleep tight.xxx

[banie01]

Tell us about them…..hmmmm
I spent 12 fantastic years with a fantastically beautiful woman. She made me reassess everything I was as a person and made me a better man every second she was with me.
I measured my happiness and my success by the breadth of her smile  When people say ‘Your better half’ I know exactly what they mean…Kate was my conscience, my deep breath before I reacted, my centre and her smile still is my happy place on those dark days.
Its 3yrs since she died and I still wake up and roll over in the morning expecting to see her next to me…..And then I remember what happened that she’s gone and its like being back to the 16th April 2007 all over again!

I’ll give the whole story from start, waaaaaay back in ’96, when she was 15 and was 16!
I asked her out without ever even seeing her!
Me and a group of mates were hanging around outside one of our houses.....and I heard the most beautiful laugh in the world coming from behind a van.
So I sent my friends GF over to find out who laughed...And to ask her to 'go away' with me The innocence of youth! haha!!!
That night after our 1st kiss and cuddle I went back to my bestfriend and told him...I just met the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with'!
2 weeks later I told her I loved her......and I never looked back!
We had our ups and downs thankfully more ups

We travelled a lot, Spent 4 years living in Lanzarote where I fell in love with the Independent, Strong and assertive woman she became all over again!
We moved home to Ireland in 2003 and our son was born in 2004…..The happiest moment of both our lives 
We both got down to working hard towards buying our home in 2006….We went to view a house that I wasn’t sure about…But Kate made me go back for a second viewing and it grew on me…..
Everything that needed doing was cosmetic so I shrugged my shoulders and got down to bidding, when we finally bought the house and contracts were exchanged Kate sat me down and thanked me! She told me that when she was a little girl she useta walk down the avenue on her way back from going to the shop and sit on the wall outside eating ice cream dreaming that one day she’d live there and now she did 
I asked her why didn’t she tell me that when we were bidding…….And she said because I knew you would have paid whatever they wanted to get it for me, and you know me Babe…..I love a bargain!LOL

We were only in our home 9mths when Kate had a massive heart attack while we were waiting for a taxi on a Saturday afternoon……
Truth be told she was gone before the ambulance came  But they fought soooo hard to give her a chance! We got to the hospital and I had to tell her folks what happened…and as a parent myself its news I never ever want to face 
They kept her on life support for 2 more days, which gave us a chance to get our family together and get her sister home to say goodbye.
Even in death Kate’s generosity shone through, we had often talked about organ donation and Kate was adamant that if ever she was in that position that her organs were to be used our she would haunt me!
It made it an easy decision for us as a Family to donate, in fact we approached the Doctors about it.

So I lost her after 12 years that I wouldn't swap for the universe. But I’m lucky our son is here and even though he was only 3 when she died, he still has so many memories that we talk about and keep fresh in his mind aswell as all the stories that family friends have about his mam….

When I told my friend 12 years earlier that I'd spend the rest of my life loving her I meant it....
I just always thought she'd be here with me Instead of being my guardian angel!

[moloko]

This is a great. I've never posted, but have read boards for years. My lil bro died suddenly over 4 years ago and i miss him always, he was the deadliest person i have ever met, handsome, funny, mad brainy and into dinosaurs. I didn't hang around with him, but when he came home at night we would sit in the garden and have the best talks, he brought the best out of me. I am so proud to be his sister, but mostly his friend and I miss him so much but I know we will always be connected and we will meet again.

[Bearpup]

My dad passed away 6 weeks ago after a bravely fought battle with cancer. My relationship with him had always been quite rocky but over the past 4 or 5 years we had been getting on well, like father and daughter should :-). Before he passed he was in a hospice for a short space of time, every evening I would go to visit him, He wasn't really an affectionate type of man.. I used to say oh dad your skin is very dry, Ill put moisturiser on them. It was only an excuse to hold his hand & be close to him. I wish I had of told him I love him.

[jellybear]

Originally Posted by Bearpup

I wish I had of told him I love him.

Bearpup, I know and understand that feeling but honestly he knew you loved him, and that you always will. Sure you said you visited him every night in the hospice, that shows how much you love him. Like they say actions speak louder than words

[Bolag_the_2nd]

My dad passed away after a very long illness, he arranged his own funeral and gave us all very exact instructions, he was a mad hatter and even at the end was joking, He left us all letters telling us what we ment to him as daughters, I will treasure mine as my most worthy possession, we had a 3 day wake where we all shared stories about the great JB. I miss my dad but Im glad he isint suffering anymore.

[whitelightrider]

My dad passed away on the 15th March this year. Dad was always healthy, never sick a day in the 32 years Id known him. Only time he was ever in hospital was to visit other people. My sis asked him to go to the doctor in January as he had lost some weight and she was worried. He went, and was sent for an x-ray. Results came back and there was a shadow there and the doc wanted him to get it checked. Nothing to worry about. I took the time off work and went with Dad to get the tests. I went with him to get the results. I sat at the side of the desk as the doctor told him that there was an abnormality in his lung and it was too large to operate. He was going to arrange for the chemo and radio in the same session. Dad didnt flinch. Barely blinked. I took it all in and crumbled on the inside. We walked out together and sat in the car. I didnt even know what to say to him. And all he wanted to do on the way home was to get dinner for Mam. We walked in the door at home and he broke the news to my mother and my sister and for the first time he broke down. Ill never forget it.
Dad was ready to fight. He was a grandad to his little angel and he wanted to be around for her growing up. I took him to the other tests and it tore me up inside leaving him each time. But I was there again to pick him up. Only time I ever saw him upset was when he realised he couldnt go near his little grand daughter after the CT scan.
Anyway long story short we went for dinner for Mothers Day on the 14th March. It was an amazing day. We had such a laugh. I dropped Mam and Dad home and continued home myself. At 6.50am on Monday morning my mother called and asked me to call in on the way to work. I thought the TV was broke or NTL was down. The usual. When I got there she asked me to check on Dad. I walked into the bedroom and found my father had died in his sleep. I still dont know what I said when I called my brother in law to let my sister know. I dont know how I reacted when I found Dad. But he went on his own terms, asleep beside his wife. I just wanted him to wake up.

Its hard. Dad was my best friend. He spent every evening with me while we built my house. He painted it with me, inside and out. And we shared some amazing times doing it. Walking around the house I can still feel him. I miss him terribly.

Apologies for the long post. Just wanted to get it out there. I love you Dad. You will be forever missed.

[alwaysadub]

My dad died fourteen years ago, when i was 16. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. He'd gone back to work for the 1st time on a Saturday since i was born, cos i was starting to do my own thing by that stage. Me and my mam had gone out to get him a birthday card,cos it was his birthday a few days later, it ended up also being the day he was cremated. He'd had a massive heart attack while out on a delivery in work, died instantly.
I always miss him, but i know he's looking down on us all, and keeping us safe.

I'm really really dreading his anniversary in 2 years-cos then he will be out of my life for as long as he was in it.

[Handsome Bob]

My Godmother died a couple of years ago from cancer. I absolutely loved her to bits and can still vividly remember the moment she pulled back her coat to reveal her baby bump to me, and I'll never forget the day I held her daughter in my arms for the first time.

Before she died I had been lucky (or unlucky, depending on which way you look at it), I never really experienced bereavement from a loved one before she died. However I suppose this made me complacent, I didn't really take in that she was actually dying you know? On the day she died I could have gone up to her house but didn't, I don't know what I was thinking at the time to be honest. As I said, I was complacent, and thought "this isn't the end." Well I was wrong, and spent a good few years destroying myself over that decision I made. I've bounced back now, not completely but I'm forever progressing.

I just had a lot of anger in me, at myself and at the manner in which she died. I don't want to get into specific details but all I can say is that her death could have been avoided but was failed by those who didn't do their job. I had to learn to let go of all that anger though in order to get myself together. There's not a day where I don't think about her, I miss her and will never forget her.

[Canard]

My mam died in November, when I was still 14. My twin sister and I were staying in our aunt's house the way we always did on a Saturday night, so her and my dad could go out with their friends, and so our auntie could see us of course.

At around 6:30am the next day my dad came into the room in a panic. I suppose, looking back on it, I knew something bad had happened to her since she wasnt there. Its hard to actually remember how I felt and acted and even what happened that morning, I didnt know what to do; he told us she and the four others had been hit by a car but that he had gotten out of the way, but she died later.

I miss her so much. Her mother had just died in July suddenly, and in a way I felt as if she had just sort of..run off or something.

I dont really know what to say about her. I used to get frustrated with her as people my age do, but now I really see she definitely had my best interests at heart and there were reasons why she was so strict. I dont see them as silly reasons either, I completely understand and I definitely wish she was still here, because my dad doesnt really do it the same way, although he's doing his best and I know that.

I just can't wait til the day I see her again.

...just want to say, strange and all as it sounds, it's somehow comforting to know that everyone goes through grief....lots of love and hugs to you all..XxX

My Gran died New Days day four years ago when I was 22. She had been ill the previous year, on and off, but had looked to be getting better. I was living away for about 4 years at that time, had been home for a wee while during the time she was sick, but when I left, she seemed to be on the mend, so I wasn't too worried. I last spoke to her Christmas day, and stupid as it sounds, it hurt me so much for a long time afterward that I couldn't remember whether I said I love you when we hung up. I'm sure I probably did, but it's funny the things we cling to after someone's gone.

I find it hard to explain to my friends that I still miss her so much, a lot of people expect me (and my family) to be "over it" by now. She wasn't just "Gran", she was like another mother, but without any of the arguing that I would've had with Mum when I was a teenager-Gran was the mediator, trying to get me to understand that Mum was just looking out for me, not doing things to annoy me. She someone who you could sit in silence with, or laugh with, or cry with when you needed. She was always there for us, even when she was feeling ill-she'd had a minor heart attack the previous Christmas, and didn't want to tell us, incase it ruined Christmas for us!

I miss the little things the most. I still go to ring her to see does she want the local paper each week, or when I see something she'd love from the bakery (she was a wonderful cook, but appreciated other peoples baking too!). But most of all, I miss knowing she's there, that her comforting voice isn't at the other end of the phone, that if I walk out to the house, I won't find her doing the gardening, or insisting that I sit down for a cup of tea and a scone or some toast. I just miss her.

I know she's looking out for me now (I've had several strange experiences since she left, all with major meaning, which has been lovely) but sometimes, I really wish I could just get a hug and a "ahh hello love" from her again, I'd give anything for that...

[princess-lala]

I have two in 3 years

Tony my gorgeous cousin died three years ago in September, his second day back at school. Tony was only 16 when he died in p.e. class.

He was so quiet but when he did speak he always had something funny and witty to say.

His death was massive news so we had TV cameras and newspapers everywhere and we couldn't grieve in peace. Tony died of SADS and ever since all the family and his friends have been raising money to buy defibrillators, it still doesn't bring him back but even if we save one life by raising all this money......


My second was the love of my life John, I met John in June of 07 and fell in love with his personality straight away.

He was my world, so funny, happy, smiley, gorgeous, friendly and he loved me We got on so well but from early on I noticed he loved a drink.

He gave up the drink alot when we got together and he would only have a drink when we went out. I was out sick after an accident when we met and he got me out walking to get my strength back.

In September Tony died and John was there for me the whole way through, keeping me going.

In October he made me go back to work even though I had been told I would never work again, helped me when I was in pain and made me smile when I said I couldnt go on.

In November he became withdrawn and unhappy but promised me everything would be ok.

In December we went mad shopping for each other for Christmas, he hit the bottle again but did it when I wasn't around.

In January as part of his Christmas present I brought him to see United playing, he was so happy that day to see them beat Newcastle 6-0

We broke up at the start of February because his drinking became too much, I told him he needed help and when he got it we could sort "us" out.

3 weeks later John took his own life. That week he text me so many times to tell me how much he loved me and how sorry he was, I have to live with that for the rest of my days that I wanted him to sort himself out before I would reply to him. He text me 20minutes before he died and I had the reply written for the Guards to find