Boards.ie

Chuchoter · 22-06-2010, 20:24

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking !

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?
'I feel abominable.'

Pj! · 22-06-2010, 20:27

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
God Bless You!!!

**Miguel_Sanchez** · 22-06-2010, 20:28

This one used to crack me up as a kid.

Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?
Customer: No.
Barber: Oh dear, I must have cut your throat.

RedXIV · 22-06-2010, 20:40

What's white and wears sunglasses?

Spoiler: An egg in disguise

What do you call two apples?

Spoiler: A Pear!

Why did the jelly baby go to school?

Spoiler: He wanted to be a smartie!

Whats black and white and black and white and black and white....?

Spoiler: A penguin rolling down a hill

Whats black and white and laughing?

Spoiler: The nun that pushed it!

Bonkers_xOx · 22-06-2010, 20:47

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

aisling.laura · 22-06-2010, 20:49

A young boy puts up his hand in class one day and says,
"Sir, I has no pencil."

The teacher replies,
"No no no:
'I have no pencil,
You have no pencil,
He has no pencil,
She has no pencil,
You all have no pencils,
We have no pencils,
They have no pencils."

The little boy thinks for a moment and then raises his hand again,
"But Sir, then who has all the pencils??"

oldwan · 22-06-2010, 20:55

-who are the nicest people working in a hospital?

-the ultra-sound people!!

jimi_t2 · 22-06-2010, 21:02

Whats green, shiny and dangerous?
An apple with a gun!

oldwan · 22-06-2010, 21:08

- who are the coolest people in the hospital when the ultra-sound guys are off??

- the hip-replacement people

Scoobydooo · 22-06-2010, 21:19

How did the farmer fix his jeans?

With a cabbage patch!

Onecoolcookie · 22-06-2010, 22:20

What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus ?

A porky-pine !

stripysocks85 · 22-06-2010, 22:32

This isn't exactly a joke, but moreso an actual incident that happened last week with Junior Infants when we were learning about electricity:

Me [trying to elicit prior information]: Where do we get electricity from?
Kid [very seriously & innocently shouted]: JESUS!

Other than that, I've been told many jokes. One which I can remember..............
Teacher, what kind of hair does the sea have? WAVY!!!!!

stripysocks85 · 22-06-2010, 22:35

Oh oh oh, I can't believe I almost forgot my ULTIMATE FAVOURITE JOKE!! [If anyone I know reads this, they will know who I am!!!]

Q: What did 1 snowman say to the other?
A: Do you smell carrots?

I LOVE THIS JOKE!!!!

XpenguinX · 22-06-2010, 22:41

I was on the T.V once, my mam told me to get off!

Dutchy · 22-06-2010, 22:53

Who made up fractions?

Henry the 1/8th!

22-06-2010, 22:53	#60
Dutchy Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 169 Adverts \| Friends	Who made up fractions? Henry the 1/8th! Last edited by Darragh; 23-06-2010 at 10:39. Reason: spacing etc

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search

22-06-2010, 20:24	#46
Chuchoter Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 4,343 Adverts \| Friends	Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this ? Pupil: This is my father speaking ! What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? 'I feel abominable.'

22-06-2010, 20:27	#47
Pj! Registered User Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Stuck in a book Posts: 2,947 Adverts \| Friends	Knock-knock. Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? God Bless You!!!

22-06-2010, 20:28	#48
Miguel_Sanchez Moderator Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Dublin Posts: 6,308 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Music Reviews	This one used to crack me up as a kid. Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in? Customer: No. Barber: Oh dear, I must have cut your throat.

22-06-2010, 20:40	#49
RedXIV Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Dublin Posts: 5,440 Adverts \| Friends	What's white and wears sunglasses? Spoiler: An egg in disguise What do you call two apples? Spoiler: A Pear! Why did the jelly baby go to school? Spoiler: He wanted to be a smartie! Whats black and white and black and white and black and white....? Spoiler: A penguin rolling down a hill Whats black and white and laughing? Spoiler: The nun that pushed it!

22-06-2010, 20:47	#50
Bonkers_xOx Registered User Join Date: May 2009 Location: Under your bed Posts: 613 Adverts \| Friends	Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

22-06-2010, 20:49	#51
aisling.laura Registered User Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 178 Adverts \| Friends	A young boy puts up his hand in class one day and says, "Sir, I has no pencil." The teacher replies, "No no no: 'I have no pencil, You have no pencil, He has no pencil, She has no pencil, You all have no pencils, We have no pencils, They have no pencils." The little boy thinks for a moment and then raises his hand again, "But Sir, then who has all the pencils??"

22-06-2010, 20:55	#52
oldwan Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 32 Adverts \| Friends	-who are the nicest people working in a hospital? -the ultra-sound people!!

22-06-2010, 21:02	#53
jimi_t2 Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 1,018 Adverts \| Friends	Whats green, shiny and dangerous? An apple with a gun!

22-06-2010, 21:08	#54
oldwan Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 32 Adverts \| Friends	- who are the coolest people in the hospital when the ultra-sound guys are off?? - the hip-replacement people

22-06-2010, 21:19	#55
Scoobydooo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Ashbourne Posts: 238 Adverts \| Friends	How did the farmer fix his jeans? With a cabbage patch!

22-06-2010, 22:20	#56
Onecoolcookie Registered User Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 514 Adverts \| Friends	What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus ? A porky-pine !

22-06-2010, 22:32	#57
stripysocks85 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: North East Posts: 1,852 Adverts \| Friends	This isn't exactly a joke, but moreso an actual incident that happened last week with Junior Infants when we were learning about electricity: Me [trying to elicit prior information]: Where do we get electricity from? Kid [very seriously & innocently shouted]: JESUS! Other than that, I've been told many jokes. One which I can remember.............. Teacher, what kind of hair does the sea have? WAVY!!!!!

22-06-2010, 22:35	#58
stripysocks85 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: North East Posts: 1,852 Adverts \| Friends	Oh oh oh, I can't believe I almost forgot my ULTIMATE FAVOURITE JOKE!! [If anyone I know reads this, they will know who I am!!!] Q: What did 1 snowman say to the other? A: Do you smell carrots? I LOVE THIS JOKE!!!!

22-06-2010, 22:41	#59
XpenguinX Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 8 Adverts \| Friends	I was on the T.V once, my mam told me to get off!