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20-04-2012, 18:38   #4486
Captain Graphite
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I'm crawling bit by bit out of my depression. Please hang in there guys/gals!
That's great to hear. I hope you continue this crawl, and eventually turn it into a sprint and escape for good.

It's dawned on me recently that I'm actually in a fairly good position to "crawl out" myself. It's not the future that scares me (mostly) but the past. If I could just make peace with stuff that has happened, and is over and done with, I'd be ok. Problem is, I don't know how to do that. I've done the anti-depressants thing (and I must say Efexor is still working well for me) and the therapy thing....but there are certain demons that refuse to die. One person, in particular, continually haunts me; even though I haven't seen nor heard of him for ages, the very thought of him reduces me to an obsessive, moany, self-pitying wreck. At this stage, I obviously only have myself to blame, and it's actually a little creepy how much I dwell on the past even though I know I can't change it now.

If I can finally kill the demons of the past and learn to focus only on the future, I actually think I might be ok. It's so much easier said than done though....
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20-04-2012, 21:18   #4487
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Am trying to move things along in my life, have to say that so far the hospital's mental health services have been appalling. Now i'll also say that i have friends who have had positive experiences so i'm not trying to write it off, although i must say a hospital without a psychologist is an amazing state of affairs.
Anyway, having a weird time of late, won't complain much because It's not constant despair, but the mood swings are nuts. Elation, rage and blackness with patches of exhaustion, it's certainly keeping me on my toes. Help is proving a problem too. As i said the hospital is not going well, been calling them everyday this week to try get any word out of them, nothing doing. So back to my doc so he was on to the hospital too. Head off brick wall. I'll persist though, even standing still is a negative move in current mindset. Will tangle with officialdom again monday. Hope the rest of ye are keeping fairly ok..
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20-04-2012, 23:28   #4488
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That's great to hear. I hope you continue this crawl, and eventually turn it into a sprint and escape for good.

It's dawned on me recently that I'm actually in a fairly good position to "crawl out" myself. It's not the future that scares me (mostly) but the past. If I could just make peace with stuff that has happened, and is over and done with, I'd be ok. Problem is, I don't know how to do that. I've done the anti-depressants thing (and I must say Efexor is still working well for me) and the therapy thing....but there are certain demons that refuse to die. One person, in particular, continually haunts me; even though I haven't seen nor heard of him for ages, the very thought of him reduces me to an obsessive, moany, self-pitying wreck. At this stage, I obviously only have myself to blame, and it's actually a little creepy how much I dwell on the past even though I know I can't change it now.

If I can finally kill the demons of the past and learn to focus only on the future, I actually think I might be ok. It's so much easier said than done though....
Just keep talking it out, that's what I found helps. One thing that we have to accept about the past is that it's over and done with and can't be changed, no matter how many times we think about what could have been done differently. And don't blame yourself, none of us can change what we think about overnight sadly. Don't think there'd be such a thing as depression if we could!

One of my friends is moving over to China to teach English in August actually How are you finding it over there?

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Originally Posted by Gremlinertia View Post
Am trying to move things along in my life, have to say that so far the hospital's mental health services have been appalling. Now i'll also say that i have friends who have had positive experiences so i'm not trying to write it off, although i must say a hospital without a psychologist is an amazing state of affairs.
Anyway, having a weird time of late, won't complain much because It's not constant despair, but the mood swings are nuts. Elation, rage and blackness with patches of exhaustion, it's certainly keeping me on my toes. Help is proving a problem too. As i said the hospital is not going well, been calling them everyday this week to try get any word out of them, nothing doing. So back to my doc so he was on to the hospital too. Head off brick wall. I'll persist though, even standing still is a negative move in current mindset. Will tangle with officialdom again monday. Hope the rest of ye are keeping fairly ok..
That's awful, there's nothing worse than waiting around to get appointments sorted out >.< Just keep the pressure on, and especially get your doctor to do it too. Personally I found the hospital mental services good and quick to respond, but I was referred to them after ending up in casualty which kind of hurried it up a bit. Don't recommend that though obviously! Make sure to keep a note of the mood swings; always important to keep track of them.
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20-04-2012, 23:44   #4489
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Actually, ended up in casualty myself after a fit of blackness. That sped up initial appointment but the appointment itself did not go well, and i've been waiting for a letter back, nothing coming so far. Didn't feel i was listened to. I'm gone too stubborn to quit trying for help though it's just hard to keep calling and calling.
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21-04-2012, 00:34   #4490
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A month since i last hurt myself over I think even.
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21-04-2012, 07:43   #4491
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No sleep for Rob tonight.

Lots of work done though!
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21-04-2012, 12:15   #4492
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@banquo I'm actually looking at going to maynooth, seeing your sig reminded me
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21-04-2012, 12:48   #4493
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Good stuff cloud, long may it continue.
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21-04-2012, 16:09   #4494
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@banquo I'm actually looking at going to maynooth, seeing your sig reminded me
Aw no way, that's where I go It's a great college. What do you want to study?
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21-04-2012, 19:47   #4495
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A BA in english and history, otherwise just english I think
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21-04-2012, 20:48   #4496
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Another Saturday evening with nothing to do and no company. Good times
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21-04-2012, 22:28   #4497
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Not been on here in quite a while, felt like hiding away from everything was my only option.....it didnt help. Still hate life, don't see the point in it at all, i mean humans are such s**t creatures. I'm trapped here and i'm fed up.

Got another appointment in a little over a week, so have to remember to write down what i want to talk about. Thare's something about stepping into that room that blanks the mind. She'll probably increase my dose yet again for all the good that'll do. Well i guess on the plus side ive not SH in a good while, well technically, not that it matters. I dont think i've ever known what its like not to have this blackness constantly lurking..it's just always there.
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22-04-2012, 04:36   #4498
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Been drinkin ****loads,fast approaching the end of the line i reckon.
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22-04-2012, 14:33   #4499
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Can't sleep. Yet was drifting off at work last night. Argh. Now i'm vexed with myself, think i'll have to take a few deep breaths before calling hospital in morning.
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22-04-2012, 15:32   #4500
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I have nothing but admiration for those of you who go to work while suffering with depression, really think you guys are amazing ye deserve a pat on the back
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