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28-02-2012, 01:48   #3631
jammstarr
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For me, it can all be boiled down to one simple sentence: "I'm not good enough".

I'm not good-looking and feel ugly most of the time.

I'm overweight and have never bothered trying to do anything about it, no matter how many times I tell myself I'm gonna exercise and start eating better.

I have no talent whatsoever; can't sing, dance, act, paint, play any sport. I was told I had a good way with words but any time I try creative writing I give up after a few minutes 'cause I tell myself that what I wrote was rubbish.

I'm not smart enough, at least not anymore; I flew through primary and secondary school but fúcked up college a bit.

I'm obsessive to a degree where things I did when I was about 6 years old come back to haunt me. I can never let go of the past and keep getting depressed over things that happened ages age, even though I know I can't go back and change them. I'm like a broken record, complaining all the time. I have bucketloads of regret about even the silliest, most trivial things.

I'm really open and honest with strangers but when I get to know someone I close up and can't be honest with them. I act like a different person around my family than I do when I'm with my friends. So I'm not even good enough at being me!
That sounds exactly how I am too.
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28-02-2012, 01:53   #3632
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I'm a veggie too! Yeah I think that's the way to go - cook a massive portion and freeze, to save me cooking. Really going to try to be healthier.
I just do stuff like cook up a big batch of bean chilli, lentil/bean soup or whatever and freeze/store in the fridge for my off days. It's fine. Issue is days like today where beyond a bowl of lentil and vegetable soup just there I haven't eaten much. I'm just not hungry at the moment, even eating the bowl of soup was a challenge. It doesn't help that everything tastes meh when my wife is swooning over the flavour.
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28-02-2012, 01:57   #3633
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Have been feeling very,very low over the past few weeks,have been unable to crawl out of bed til mid afternoon on most days,have no appetite,no energy,and have been crying for no reason.I have been having more and more detailed thoughts of suicide too.I also self harmed for the first time since November last night,just to try and feel some relief which I now feel terrible about.Just feel lost,lonely and hopeless and I can't see things getting any better.
Do you have a psychiatrist? If so, it might be a good time to request an earlier appointment. If not, then go to your GP for a chat about what's been happening.
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28-02-2012, 02:09   #3634
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Does anyone notice their face shape changes on antidepressants? I noticed my forehead looking different, and my eyes, and my jaw is permanently in a bit of a grimace, like a clenched state , there's two other people I know on antidepressants and they have the same facial expression as me, it's scary.

So I looked it up, and apparantley anti-depressants do have a striking effect on your face, they relax the facial muscles. This should surely be discussed more. It's worrying, I feel I don't look like I used to at all
Weight gained as a side effect would affect the shape, as well as the rest of the body of course. Bit about me, decided to come off medication unadvised a week and a bit ago, feel well enough still, maybe not as stabilized in a higher position as when they were in my system, have made plans to go to the gym in college but I don't care much for the academic side at the moment or ever since I started back really.

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28-02-2012, 02:24   #3635
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Bit about me, decided to come off medication unadvised a week and a bit ago
That's a really bad idea. Better to change to a different one to try and find a low side effect one than to give them up unadvised.
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28-02-2012, 02:26   #3636
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Weight gained as a side effect would affect the shape, as well as the rest of the body of course. Bit about me, decided to come off medication unadvised a week and a bit ago, feel well enough still, maybe not as stabilized in a higher position as when they were in my system, have made plans to go to the gym in college but I don't care much for the academic side at the moment or ever since I started back really.
No it's more that my pupils look weird, my skin looks really waxy,tight and shiny, and I'm clenching my jaw alot. And I've noticed this in other girls who I know are taking antidepressants. My eyes actually look bizarre, I had a chat about it with the optician when I was getting a routine eyetest, and he said most drugs have an affect on the size of the pupils. My pupils are either pinpricks or extremely dilated I hate it but I can't do without antidepressants at the moment.
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28-02-2012, 02:26   #3637
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I just do stuff like cook up a big batch of bean chilli, lentil/bean soup or whatever and freeze/store in the fridge for my off days. It's fine. Issue is days like today where beyond a bowl of lentil and vegetable soup just there I haven't eaten much. I'm just not hungry at the moment, even eating the bowl of soup was a challenge. It doesn't help that everything tastes meh when my wife is swooning over the flavour.
What beans do you use? Cause I often find that Im not getting enough protein.
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28-02-2012, 02:30   #3638
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Personally, I'd be against any sort of food log here as it'd be incredibly triggering. Spent the past seven hours binging and purging. Chest hurts, stomach hurts and my throats in bits. I hate this.
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28-02-2012, 02:36   #3639
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Bit about me, decided to come off medication unadvised a week and a bit ago
That's a really bad idea. Better to change to a different one to try and find a low side effect one than to give them up unadvised.
Oh, I don't have any qualms with any of Celexas side effects really, didn't experience anything really bar some tiredness perhaps.
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28-02-2012, 03:02   #3640
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Personally, I'd be against any sort of food log here as it'd be incredibly triggering. Spent the past seven hours binging and purging. Chest hurts, stomach hurts and my throats in bits. I hate this.
True. A nasty combination of some of us needing encouragement to eat more and some of us needing the exact opposite. I'll refrain from mentioning food again.
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28-02-2012, 03:03   #3641
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Oh, I don't have any qualms with any of Celexas side effects really, didn't experience anything really bar some tiredness perhaps.
Why did you come off of it then?
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28-02-2012, 03:10   #3642
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That sounds exactly how I am too.
Sucks, doesn't it? I though I'd made progress with these issues through counselling but being over here has made me think more about the self-loathing side of me.

Woke up this morning feeling kinda meh but I'm feeling a little better now. We'll see if it lasts for the rest of the day or not.
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28-02-2012, 03:10   #3643
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Do you have a psychiatrist? If so, it might be a good time to request an earlier appointment. If not, then go to your GP for a chat about what's been happening.
Not really,I go to the community clinic every 3 months to get my prescription renewed,and everytime I go down there it's a different psychiatrist.They ask me questions and scribble notes in my file for 2 mins and then give me another script with either increased/decreased dosage.

GP told me last time that he didnt know what to do with me so he just referred me to the clinic.I don't think any more pills are going to help with how bad I'm feeling anyways.
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28-02-2012, 03:14   #3644
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Not really,I go to the community clinic every 3 months to get my prescription renewed,and everytime I go down there it's a different psychiatrist.They ask me questions and scribble notes in my file for 2 mins and then give me another script with either increased/decreased dosage.

GP told me last time that he didnt know what to do with me so he just referred me to the clinic.I don't think any more pills are going to help with how bad I'm feeling anyways.
I wasn't thinking pills as much as you probably want to be talking to someone medical at the moment if your suicidal thoughts are getting detailed and you've started self-harming again.
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28-02-2012, 03:22   #3645
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Starting with a new psychologist in the morning, and then doing group counselling on Wednesday. They are both focused on eating disorders and body dismorphia. Kinda nervous! I've been to counseling before but I never really mentioned it much cause it wasn't something I wanted to change before.

I guess mostly now it's something I do want to change but I'm not too confident about. And I know I can't carry on anymore without my health suffering loads. So hopefully I can speak truthfully and work hard at the recommendations.

Never done group sessions before so don't know how I'll fare at that.

Uck bad sleeping habits and high stress levels have made me so up and down lately
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