It's been difficult for me the past few days. I think it's been adding up over the last 6 weeks or so as I've been working more than usual to cover for other work colleagues being off. The thing which has been keeping me going is that I was meant to be taking a train driving course next week but that has been cancelled due to engine trouble. I had also planned a trip to London but that's a no-go for obvious reasons.
Due to this I just feel empty and pointless. I'm supposed to be off work from Friday until September 5th but I'm almost considering cancelling my leave or at least reducing it as I'll have nothing to do with my time, short of going back to my parents' place in Kerry and having a lazy week or two. However I do need some time off as it feels like I've been doing nothing but working recently.
Today was the worst, I came home from work around 2:30 and slept for a few hours because I couldn't think of anything to do. I just feel so lonely and empty. It's times like this that I do stupid things, such as walking late at night with no regard to my personal safety. I already did it tonight around 11pm, the words going through my head at the time were "I don't care if anything happens to me, nobody would know anyway." I sometimes think that if something major were ever to happen to me, it would probably take days or even weeks before someone found out about it, I'm that withdrawn from the world.