I Dont really know if this is the right place to be posting, I havent been diagnosed with depression so to speak, but lately (The past 4 or 5 months) Ive been feeling really down and sad all the time, and i know what triggered it, (im 15 by the way)
I cheated on my boyfriend of 11 months (Thats a long and complicated story, but dont think of me as a lesser person because of it :/) and he broke up with me by text on valentines day, and after that it all kind of spiraled out of control, I cried almost every day, I blamed myself for what had happened completely even though other things did contribute to it, I had suicidal thoughts and I even self-Harmed for the guts of 2 or 3 months, Im starting to feel better about it now, but i still have all these thoughts in my head (Im over the whole breakup thing, I think it just triggered all of this) and I've talked to a friend about it, but they weren't much help to me, they ended up confiding in me that they selfharm, and that theyre parents are getting divorced and that her mam hits her alot, so that just made me worse, because im starting to loose faith in the 'goodness in the world'...
I dont really know if I'm depressed, but I'm guessing that I am, I never really want to do much with people, and some days I'll just sit at home and listen to the same song on repeat for hours, but other days I'll be in a really good mood and have a real 'get up and go' attitude, I always feel like I shouldnt think like this, I have a pretty good life and a large group of friends, but I just can't shake all these feelings of worthlessness and emptyness :/
And to add to it all, I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and severe anaemia, which isnt exactly making things better for me..
Sorry about the essay, but its nice to get all these things down in words..