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queenlex · 05-10-2007, 17:23

Does anyone else wonder about the point of marriage these days? With polls recently saying that in 80% of relatonships at least one person cheats/ has cheated is there any point as its less hassle to just break up with the boyfriend/girlfriend?

**biko** · 05-10-2007, 17:26

It's never pointless to declare your devotion and love for someone publicly.
However, people just don't live up to expectations any more.

EKRIUQ · 05-10-2007, 17:29

We'll that's what your Da said but YORE MA!!! wanted to be married before having you

Elessar · 05-10-2007, 17:33

Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide.

I cant help but snigger when I hear one of my co-workers calling his fiance every f*cking hour cos they're just so much in love. Wait until your 40 mate, you'll hardly have a conversation with your wife, if you're still married that is, which you wont be after one of you cheats or falls "out of love" with the other and everything becomes routine. The you loose the house, your car, your money and your life.

Oh the naive.

Orange69 · 05-10-2007, 17:35

Imo marriage is pretty much pointless*...

If people are happy together then it wont change anything and its not like someone who decides they want out will hang in there just because they are married.. I have seen the aftermath of a couple of divorces and its pretty scary how ****ed up people get in the cross fire (especially dudes)... Seems worse than a regular breakup...

Plus there is the cost of the whole thing!!

*nothing got to do with the fact that im single.. ahem..

bronte · 05-10-2007, 17:36

It's a tough one....and something I'll be going into very slowly...IF I do at all.

Maple · 05-10-2007, 17:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by biko

It's never pointless to declare your devotion and love for someone publicly.
However, people just don't live up to expectations any more.

Or do you think that people's expectations can be too high? In this society of instant gratification do you think that sometimes people quit because they're not prepared to put in the work? Its hardly the romantic ideal but sometimes relationships do take work.

**AlmightyCushion** · 05-10-2007, 17:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by bronte

IF I do at all.

I hope rig doesn't see this.

bronte · 05-10-2007, 17:43

Oh lord..Rig!!

Maple has a good point...maybe people do expect marriage to automatically be a safe haven, when the truth is you have to work hard at it.

doubtfir3 · 05-10-2007, 17:43

I'd be the same.. I don't know if I would ever get married.. or even seriously consider it.. I used to think of things in terms of marriage, kids, etc but have changed my thoughts on this over the past number of years.

I see people married, who are now in their 50s or 60s and no way are they suited.. they seem to stay together almost because there's a perception that there's nothing else to do..

I see people all around me, friends, family and colleagues who are married and are breaking up, in the process of it, thinking about it or cheating.

Still more who are getting into relationships with marriage as the ultimate goal - again in a situation where you can see so much heartache down the road and an inevitable breakup..

Maybe I'm just being cynical but I definately think that I'll have to consider it very carefully if I do decide to go down that route... I'm not saying that I don't want to be in a long-term and committed relationship full of love, lust and all that goes with it but I am of the opinion that marriage is a step I may never take.

My 2c..

**Black Swan** · 05-10-2007, 17:43

Methinks the 80% cheating poll cited is bull! I'll bet the sample they polled was biased in some ways. Probably from some magazine survey with a narrowly defined audience, or some special interest group? Plus, I would bet that their research methodology and analysis may be problematic, too.

In any case, marriage is not pointless for couples who truly love one another. Further, it is not pointless for their children in many ways. Sure, there may be close relationships that have dependent children that work, but I have always wondered why they don't tie the knot?

There are also other practical reasons that benefit couples and their dependent children from both legal, inheritance, and employment benefits standpoints.

Orange69 · 05-10-2007, 17:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elessar

Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide.

I wouldn't say its financial suicide in itself, but if it leads to a jumbo mortgage and kids then your ****ed... Especially in Irish society..

bullpost · 05-10-2007, 17:50

An interesting angle to the OP's question is that a section of society that has all the perceived advantages of relationships without the hassle of marriage i.e. gay couples, are pushing to be able to marry!

ejmaztec · 05-10-2007, 17:52

So, what do unmarried parents call their kids? (talking surnames here, not bast*rds)

connundrum · 05-10-2007, 18:03

If yore a lesbian, yes.

If marriage actually means something to you then it isn't pointless. In the same way that many people feel that religion in general is pointless... try telling that to my Gran who goes to mass 7 times a week.

People who try to force the opinion that marriage is pointless are at nothing. If marriage isn't for you then so be it. If people want to get married then leave them be, don't try to shove the 'its only a bit of paper' argument down their throat.

I agree that a lot of people don't get the point of marriage, and therefore get married for the wrong reasons, which in turn will usually lead to a marriage breakdown. I reckon that too much attention is being paid to the wedding day, rather than the marriage itself. Once this imbalance is addressed, things should start to get better for the idea of marriage.

05-10-2007, 17:23	#1
queenlex Registered User Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 25 Adverts \| Friends	is marriage pointless these days? Does anyone else wonder about the point of marriage these days? With polls recently saying that in 80% of relatonships at least one person cheats/ has cheated is there any point as its less hassle to just break up with the boyfriend/girlfriend?

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05-10-2007, 17:26	#2
biko Percolator Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Galway City Posts: 36,747 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Blogs / Wikis / Social Networks, Galway City, Nordic, West, Motoring	It's never pointless to declare your devotion and love for someone publicly. However, people just don't live up to expectations any more.

05-10-2007, 17:29	#3
EKRIUQ Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Amphitheatre Parkway Posts: 3,984 Adverts \| Friends	We'll that's what your Da said but YORE MA!!! wanted to be married before having you

05-10-2007, 17:33	#4
Elessar Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Eire Posts: 3,910 Adverts \| Friends	Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide. I cant help but snigger when I hear one of my co-workers calling his fiance every f*cking hour cos they're just so much in love. Wait until your 40 mate, you'll hardly have a conversation with your wife, if you're still married that is, which you wont be after one of you cheats or falls "out of love" with the other and everything becomes routine. The you loose the house, your car, your money and your life. Oh the naive.

05-10-2007, 17:35	#5
Orange69 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Mogodan cluster Occupation: Pan-dimensional liquid beast Posts: 1,098 Adverts \| Friends	Imo marriage is pretty much pointless... If people are happy together then it wont change anything and its not like someone who decides they want out will hang in there just because they are married.. I have seen the aftermath of a couple of divorces and its pretty scary how **ed up people get in the cross fire (especially dudes)... Seems worse than a regular breakup... Plus there is the cost of the whole thing!! nothing got to do with the fact that im single.. ahem..

05-10-2007, 17:36	#6
bronte Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bed Posts: 7,480 Adverts \| Friends	It's a tough one....and something I'll be going into very slowly...IF I do at all.

05-10-2007, 17:43	#9
bronte Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bed Posts: 7,480 Adverts \| Friends	Oh lord..Rig!! Maple has a good point...maybe people do expect marriage to automatically be a safe haven, when the truth is you have to work hard at it.

05-10-2007, 17:43	#10
doubtfir3 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: location.href Posts: 287 Adverts \| Friends	I'd be the same.. I don't know if I would ever get married.. or even seriously consider it.. I used to think of things in terms of marriage, kids, etc but have changed my thoughts on this over the past number of years. I see people married, who are now in their 50s or 60s and no way are they suited.. they seem to stay together almost because there's a perception that there's nothing else to do.. I see people all around me, friends, family and colleagues who are married and are breaking up, in the process of it, thinking about it or cheating. Still more who are getting into relationships with marriage as the ultimate goal - again in a situation where you can see so much heartache down the road and an inevitable breakup.. Maybe I'm just being cynical but I definately think that I'll have to consider it very carefully if I do decide to go down that route... I'm not saying that I don't want to be in a long-term and committed relationship full of love, lust and all that goes with it but I am of the opinion that marriage is a step I may never take. My 2c..

05-10-2007, 17:43	#11
Black Swan Category Moderator Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Cluiche r�omhaire Posts: 19,680 Adverts \| Friends CMod: Philosophy, Politics, Researcher, Science, Science Mods	Methinks the 80% cheating poll cited is bull! I'll bet the sample they polled was biased in some ways. Probably from some magazine survey with a narrowly defined audience, or some special interest group? Plus, I would bet that their research methodology and analysis may be problematic, too. In any case, marriage is not pointless for couples who truly love one another. Further, it is not pointless for their children in many ways. Sure, there may be close relationships that have dependent children that work, but I have always wondered why they don't tie the knot? There are also other practical reasons that benefit couples and their dependent children from both legal, inheritance, and employment benefits standpoints.

05-10-2007, 17:50	#13
bullpost Registered User Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 2,133 Adverts \| Friends	An interesting angle to the OP's question is that a section of society that has all the perceived advantages of relationships without the hassle of marriage i.e. gay couples, are pushing to be able to marry!

05-10-2007, 17:52	#14
ejmaztec Registered User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Fecktov Posts: 22,565 Adverts \| Friends	So, what do unmarried parents call their kids? (talking surnames here, not bast*rds)

05-10-2007, 18:03	#15
connundrum Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: www.myob.com/feckoff Posts: 5,045 Adverts \| Friends	If yore a lesbian, yes. If marriage actually means something to you then it isn't pointless. In the same way that many people feel that religion in general is pointless... try telling that to my Gran who goes to mass 7 times a week. People who try to force the opinion that marriage is pointless are at nothing. If marriage isn't for you then so be it. If people want to get married then leave them be, don't try to shove the 'its only a bit of paper' argument down their throat. I agree that a lot of people don't get the point of marriage, and therefore get married for the wrong reasons, which in turn will usually lead to a marriage breakdown. I reckon that too much attention is being paid to the wedding day, rather than the marriage itself. Once this imbalance is addressed, things should start to get better for the idea of marriage.