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**AlmightyCushion** · 18-09-2007, 16:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by trout

#21 ... pa trout, on observing someone making a supreme effort "he's shakin' like a goat sh1te-ing coke cans"

Pissing myself after reading that. Please keep them coming Trout.

***trout*** · 18-09-2007, 23:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slow Motion

All right I have resisted this as long as I can........

Do you refer to YORE MA as an oul' Trout ?

On my wedding day, my mother gave a long, humorous and heart-rending speech, in which she forgave me publicly for once calling her a "fat bitter twisted old trout" in a moment of anger ... the nickname has stuck to me ever since

Still ... it could be worse ... a friend of mine is still known as "Gickpants", almost 20 years after one, just one, unfortunate sharting incident.

***trout*** · 26-09-2007, 17:17

I was reminded of this one today, during an hour long meeting with a sales "team" that really dragged on.

#22 ... pa trout, on observing a person talking horsesh1te "jayziz, that's some mouth on yer man, swinging between his two ears like a feckin' skippin' rope"

the raven · 26-09-2007, 17:40

this is legendary stuff.. sounds like my pa and yore pa were cut from the same cloth...

***trout*** · 26-10-2007, 09:38

a few more have occurred to me ... enjoy!

#23 ... pa trout, on a person uncomfortable in a social setting "poor fecker, he's like a hoor at a hockey match"

#23(a) ... pa trout, on ladies with 'cheap' perfume "the stench offa that, smells like a hoor at a hockey match"

#24 ... pa trout, when feeling hot and sweaty would declare "Jayziz, I'm as damp as the balls of John the Baptist ... and twice as wrinkled"

#25 ... pa trout, on someone with a high opinion of themselves "if he was made of chocolate, he'd eat himself"

#26 ... pa trout, on an unskilled snooker companion "couldn't track a bulls ar$e with a shovel"

#27 ... pa trout, on a devious person, or a bad brickie "fupper couldn't lay straight in bed"

#28 ... pa trout, on a really devious person "he's that crooked, they have to dismantle him to get him out the front door"

#29 ... pa trout, on observing a poorly plastered wall "jayziz, that's as crooked as a politician"

Pronunciation guide
Chocolate == choc-a-lit
Crooked == crook-it
hoor == hooo-urh

**Andy Carroll** · 26-10-2007, 11:55

He should've written a book.

smellslikeshoes · 26-10-2007, 12:22

Its a shame that with all the political correctness in this day and age that we are missing out on the wisdom people like Pa trout has to offer.
Some very legendary stuff here

***trout*** · 21-11-2007, 21:45

#30 ... pa trout, on the topic of young men and holiday encounters with ladies who may not actually have been ladies "I don't see the problem lads ... sure a pair of lips is a pair of lips"

someothername · 22-11-2007, 08:49

a 5 star thread....

Pa Trout , i will have a drink in your honour today.

**Andy Carroll** · 01-12-2007, 00:22

I was reminded of this sage advice recently.

In life, it is essential to find a woman who is great in the kitchen...

It's essential to find a woman who is fantastic in bed...

It's essential to find woman who will be a great mother to your children....

But most of all, It's essential that none of these women ever meet each other!

My dad used to have a sign up in his pub that read:

'My best friend ran away with my wife ...... and I really miss him'

old boy · 01-12-2007, 21:03

well done said old dunne when young dunne was born,
more power said old power when young power was born
the rest is forgotten in a nearly empty whiskey bottle

nice1franko · 04-12-2007, 16:26

doubler post

nice1franko · 04-12-2007, 16:27

This stuff is gold. Young trout, write it all down in your finest calligraphy, bound it in seasoned - but high quality - leather and write this on the front of it:

The Wit & Witicisms
- of -
Pa J. Trout

old boy · 05-12-2007, 22:25

godbe with the days when i was young and wimmin were proud of me

***trout*** · 22-12-2007, 15:10

#31 ... when asked if he was busy, pa trout would reply "Jayziz ... I'm working like a hoors mouth here, so I am".

#32 ... observing a work-shy colleague, pa trout declared "Hmmph, if work was in bed, he'd sleep on the floor" *

*pronounced floe-err

26-10-2007, 09:38	#35
*trout* Far from embrace, closing doors softly. Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Drizzly Cack Posts: 12,017 Adverts \| Friends Admin: Aardvark, Apple Devices, Beer Guts & Receding Hairlines, Cool Vids-Pics Mods, Lifehacking, Rec Mods	a few more have occurred to me ... enjoy! #23 ... pa trout, on a person uncomfortable in a social setting "poor fecker, he's like a hoor at a hockey match" #23(a) ... pa trout, on ladies with 'cheap' perfume "the stench offa that, smells like a hoor at a hockey match" #24 ... pa trout, when feeling hot and sweaty would declare "Jayziz, I'm as damp as the balls of John the Baptist ... and twice as wrinkled" #25 ... pa trout, on someone with a high opinion of themselves "if he was made of chocolate, he'd eat himself" #26 ... pa trout, on an unskilled snooker companion "couldn't track a bulls ar$e with a shovel" #27 ... pa trout, on a devious person, or a bad brickie "fupper couldn't lay straight in bed" #28 ... pa trout, on a really devious person "he's that crooked, they have to dismantle him to get him out the front door" #29 ... pa trout, on observing a poorly plastered wall "jayziz, that's as crooked as a politician" Pronunciation guide Chocolate == choc-a-lit Crooked == crook-it hoor == hooo-urh Last edited by trout; 26-10-2007 at 13:25.

04-12-2007, 16:26	#42
nice1franko Closed Account Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,262 Adverts \| Friends	doubler post Last edited by nice1franko; 04-12-2007 at 16:28. Reason: i did a doubler post

04-12-2007, 16:27	#43
nice1franko Closed Account Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,262 Adverts \| Friends	This stuff is gold. Young trout, write it all down in your finest calligraphy, bound it in seasoned - but high quality - leather and write this on the front of it: The Wit & Witicisms - of - Pa J. Trout Last edited by nice1franko; 04-12-2007 at 16:29. Reason: middle initial was a guess*

22-12-2007, 15:10	#45
*trout* Far from embrace, closing doors softly. Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Drizzly Cack Posts: 12,017 Adverts \| Friends Admin: Aardvark, Apple Devices, Beer Guts & Receding Hairlines, Cool Vids-Pics Mods, Lifehacking, Rec Mods	#31 ... when asked if he was busy, pa trout would reply "Jayziz ... I'm working like a hoors mouth here, so I am". #32 ... observing a work-shy colleague, pa trout declared "Hmmph, if work was in bed, he'd sleep on the floor" * pronounced floe-err Last edited by trout; 22-12-2007 at 15:26.*

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26-09-2007, 17:17	#33
*trout* Far from embrace, closing doors softly. Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Drizzly Cack Posts: 12,017 Adverts \| Friends Admin: Aardvark, Apple Devices, Beer Guts & Receding Hairlines, Cool Vids-Pics Mods, Lifehacking, Rec Mods	I was reminded of this one today, during an hour long meeting with a sales "team" that really dragged on. #22 ... pa trout, on observing a person talking horsesh1te "jayziz, that's some mouth on yer man, swinging between his two ears like a feckin' skippin' rope"

26-09-2007, 17:40	#34
the raven Registered User Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 335 Adverts \| Friends	this is legendary stuff.. sounds like my pa and yore pa were cut from the same cloth...

26-10-2007, 11:55	#36
Andy Carroll Unplayable Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Byker Grove Posts: 20,289 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows	He should've written a book.

26-10-2007, 12:22	#37
smellslikeshoes Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 2,738 Adverts \| Friends	Its a shame that with all the political correctness in this day and age that we are missing out on the wisdom people like Pa trout has to offer. Some very legendary stuff here

21-11-2007, 21:45	#38
*trout* Far from embrace, closing doors softly. Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Drizzly Cack Posts: 12,017 Adverts \| Friends Admin: Aardvark, Apple Devices, Beer Guts & Receding Hairlines, Cool Vids-Pics Mods, Lifehacking, Rec Mods	#30 ... pa trout, on the topic of young men and holiday encounters with ladies who may not actually have been ladies "I don't see the problem lads ... sure a pair of lips is a pair of lips"

22-11-2007, 08:49	#39
someothername Registered User Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 343 Adverts \| Friends	a 5 star thread.... Pa Trout , i will have a drink in your honour today.

01-12-2007, 00:22	#40
Andy Carroll Unplayable Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Byker Grove Posts: 20,289 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows	I was reminded of this sage advice recently. In life, it is essential to find a woman who is great in the kitchen... It's essential to find a woman who is fantastic in bed... It's essential to find woman who will be a great mother to your children.... But most of all, It's essential that none of these women ever meet each other! My dad used to have a sign up in his pub that read: 'My best friend ran away with my wife ...... and I really miss him'

01-12-2007, 21:03	#41
old boy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: in front of a lcd Posts: 2,678 Adverts \| Friends	well done said old dunne when young dunne was born, more power said old power when young power was born the rest is forgotten in a nearly empty whiskey bottle

05-12-2007, 22:25	#44
old boy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: in front of a lcd Posts: 2,678 Adverts \| Friends	godbe with the days when i was young and wimmin were proud of me