[Kojak]

When the Columbian drug-smugglers recieved their bourbon biscuits, they discovered to their horror that they were, in fact, Chocolate Goldgrain. The leader of the smugglers became enraged, and cut off one of Barney's fingers and posted it to Jack Bauer and the gang at CTU.

Jack, upon recieveing the package, shouts "Damn it" and Chloe puts a bold face on herself.

Barney recieves one more phone-call, and he rings buchanan at CTU.

Barney says....

[Chillwithcian]

...Jack...I challenge you to a Duel.....

[aidan_dunne]

Jack replied, "Fair enough then, ya big purple príck! How we gonna do this then? Tomorrow morning in the park?"

"Sure. How does the classic pistols at dawn sound?", asks Barney.

"Sounds fine to me", replies Jack. "Besides, I like to do my killing before breakfast anyway."

"Really?", replied Barney. "Because so do I, asshole! And you're the one who'll be going down tomorrow." With that, he hung up.

Dawn, the next morning, and Barney was standing in a local park waiting for Jack to show up. Jack nonchalauntly (sp?) comes walking out from behind some trees.

Barney shouts out, "So, you ready to do this then...... beatch?", laughing mockingly at Jack. He doesn't reply, he just keeps on walking towards Barney calmly, showing no emotion at all. Barney then suddenly notices that Jack appears to be unarmed and decides to take swift advantage of the situation. He pulls out his 18 century-style pistol and aims it at Jack ordering him to, "Stop right there. You didn't really think I was going to just let you try and shoot me in a fair duel, did you? It was always my intention to shoot you first before you even had a chance to blink. And seeing how it looks like you came unarmed, it seems I really do have the upper hand here now, doesn't it?" A sneery grin spreads across his face as he says to Jack, "Say hello to Terri for me!", and he pulls the trigger.

However, Jack ducks and Barney's shot misses wildly. "Ah shít!", exclaims Barney. "Never mind, I got plenty more lead shot and gunpowder where that came from, bitch!", and he starts to reload.

Just then, Jack reached behind his back and pulled out two Heckler & Koch USP Compact 9mm pistols....... his personal favourites! "Oh....... shít!", muttered Barney. "Hey, come on man, that's a bit unfair, isn't it?", Barney said pleadingly to Jack.

Jack replied, "Well, you did say "pistols at dawn", didn't you? You never said what kind of pistols, though, or how many, did you?"

"Ah, come on, man! You knew what I meant. I meant like this old piece of crap I've got here! Hey, what you say we just drop the guns and duke it out mano-e-mano, eh? Give a dinosaur a chance, whatdya say?", Barney pleaded to Jack.

"You weren't going to give me a chance to begin with so why should I?", Jack scowled back. "Oh, by the way, nobody calls me bitch!" And with that Jack came running toward Barney, duel-weilding his USP's and unloaded two whole clips into him. With Barney lying dead in a massive pool of his own blood, Jack stood over him and whispered, "I always preferred Sesame Street!"

Just then, his cellphone rang. Jack didn't recognise the number so he answered, "Hello, who's this?" The voice on the other end said, "It's.............

[Kojak]

Big Bird. I heard you always liked pir show, and I was wondering if you would be interested in doing a walk-on part on the show. You would have to dress up like a giant marshmallow."

Jack ponders the idea of him in a marshmallow suit for a minute.

*cue ticking clock* tick, tick, tick.

Meanwhile, chloe has heard of Jack's offer through an NSA satellite, and immeaditly tells Buchanan of her ground-breaking discovery.

She screams,....

[Sparky]

holy sh1t...

[Chillwithcian]

Jack...Its Alberta Green...you get your focking ass back to CTmoo this instant...tell that bird to stuff his feathers where the sun dont shine...cloies tracking you on brandwith so dont try anything stupid!

[Kojak]

On his way back to CTU, jack is stopped by a member of the Garda Síochana. The guard (out in LA as part of an international sting operation on people-trafficking) asks Jack "is that your car??"

Jack replies "no, it belongs to CTU" to which the guard says "Right, are you insured to drive this vehicle??" to which Jack replies "Ask CTU, I think I am"

The guard, feeling all powerful, aks Jack "why isn't there tax on the windscreen??"

Jack is understanbly getting p1ssed off at Sgt Mulrooney's actions and punches him in the face. But the Sergent has recieved plenty of ounches over the years, and laughs it off.

The guard says,.....

[Chillwithcian]

give us yer pe#is jacko boy, ill need to make some checks....where exactly is this CTmooo place you talk of?

[Andy Carroll]

Jack grabs the Garda in a headlock and does the sleeper hold on him till he places out.

BuMp

[Andy Carroll]

Jack and 24 die due to been sh1t.

[silvine]

only to come back from the dead because 24 being **** was a ploy to convince terrorist that all was safe before Day seven began.

[whosedaddy?]

Meanwhile Jack went to retrieve the Presidents time piece stolen by Albanien watch collectors... He calls in the B-3 bomber...

[Random]

Originally Posted by whosedaddy?

Meanwhile Jack went to retrieve the Presidents time piece stolen by Albanien watch collectors... He calls in the B-3 bomber...

Kim battles her body double ... both dressed in skin tight catsuits ...



(I'm sorry ... honest ... I am ... you will be too if this doesn't come about after the writers strike!)

[That_Guy]

Edgar Styles arrives watching the two Kim's go at it and doesn't know whether or not to watch or go back to his online chess game.

[whosedaddy?]

but instead he slides on one of the skin tight cat suits himself and