Hi al, I know it's late, (or early!?) But I have been thinking about this for a long time. I was adopted at the age of 6 weeks. I am now 41 and used to live in the UK. I had an extemely loving family and was always given the best they could manage. The prime reason for this was that when my adoptive mother went to pick me up from the adoption agency, my bith mother said 'you will look after him and love him wont you?' My mother made a promise to her and kept it.
Now I am going to waffle a bit but just feel I need to discuss this. I know a lot about my natural mother, she was 19, a trainee nurse at Colchester hospital in Essex, she was engaged to a guy who was a operator on the switchboard. When she told him they were expecting a child he left her. She came from a very posh family and her mother was in the bridge club, WI, ladies circle etc, but she was an embarresment. She told her to get out until 'she got rid of it'
I know what I would have been called if she had kept me and it was kept by my adoptive parents as my middle name. I also know what my surname would have been. Thornton, now here's something that has always got my thinking. I LOVE chocolate, I can't get enough of it! Maybe if I hadn't been adopted, when I was 21 my mother would have said, 'You are now the Chairman of Thornton's chocolates' I would have replied 'OK, just going to do some quality control!' Ah well I can dream eh?
I believe that as she was a nurse and taught to save life not take it she couldn't 'get rid' of me. It must have been hell not having any support from her family and going through pregnancy on her own. Then to go through labour and have her child taken away must have been gut wrenching.
Her father tried to stand by her but got earache from her mother. He was a public relations officer and had his own company. I think that's why I like showing off! A few years ago think I managed to trace my birth mother on friends reunited but as I wasn't a member I couldn't contact her.
Just before I left the UK I was living in a homeless hostel, (please don't judge me) One criteria for staying there was that you had to avail of councelling as most people were there who were alcoholics, drug users, petty criminals etc. Now I have NONE of those and am pretty respectable. (I know self praise is no praise!) But I discussed it with my keyworker and she said visit the local social services. I did this and poured my heart out to a social worker. And yes I even shed a few tears. (funny how I feel comfortable telling absolute strangers this!?)
When I came to live here, I contacted the social services back in the UK and told them what had happened. They gave me details of Banardos who would give me councelling before I was allowed to trace my birthmother. I have had enough bloody councelling to last me a lifetime, maybe because I am still a UK citizen I am covered by UK laws, but I wish I didn't have to go and tell someone everything that I have told numerous councellors already.
So after all this what i would like to say is this, is there any way i can bypass the drackonion laws of the UK, (which I believed had been changed to make it easier for people to contact adoptive relatives?) and just find any records of my adoption?
I know that my birthmother went into a home for unmarried mothers in Essex, and when I first started using the web I managed to contact them and although it's a private house now, they still have all the records and allow people to visit. But I lost all the details.
I would like to visit it sometime, but my new partner, (who supports me with all her heart and understands - god I love her!) is not keen on flying! But maybe we should save up and do it so I can 'lay some ghosts' as they say. So even if I never find my birthmother I can at least get some closure.
I sometimes get thinking maybe it's better I don't find her, she has probably remarried, got a family and I hope is happy. Also when I was a bit of a rebel and got in with the wrong crowd, I was on probabtion. I discussed this with my probation officer and she said something that has always stalled me in finding her. 'If you met her, what 3 questions would you ask?' She said. Well I wouldn't ask anything, i would just say 'thankyou' That's all that needs to be said. Oh and can I have my backdated allowence? LOL Sorry fighting tears her don't want my partner asking me why!
Thankyou for reading my longwinded post and I wish all of you the best in finding what you are looking for.