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sparkles2009 · 01-06-2010, 01:27

Hi allMy daughter was given up for adoption 21 years ago, a decision that was taken out of my hands & I have never gotten over it. Now that she is 21 I was told by a friend that if I contact the agency they must tell her of my interest to meet & after that it is her decision. The agency are not getting back to let me know about this & I appreciate they are also considering the adoptive parents view so I would really appreciate any advice on this.Thank you

MaryMagdalene · 01-06-2010, 09:51

Hi Sparkles

What agency are you dealing with - someone may have dealings / knowledge of them as some seem to be more helpful than others.

What you could do is to send them a registered letter - at least that say someone has to be assigned the case and you would have a name and surely they would have to write back to you.

I spent years writing to them most years requesting information and believe me they did everything they could to deter me. I now know that they lied to all parties so don't trust them. My daughter told me she was glad I did not give up and she was glad that she knew I was out there for her when she felt ready - she contacted me when she was 23.

I would push but not hold my breathe - why don't you use the tracing guides on this site if you get nowhere with the Agency.

NGibbler · 01-06-2010, 10:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by sparkles2009

Hi allMy daughter was given up for adoption 21 years ago, a decision that was taken out of my hands & I have never gotten over it. Now that she is 21 I was told by a friend that if I contact the agency they must tell her of my interest to meet & after that it is her decision. The agency are not getting back to let me know about this & I appreciate they are also considering the adoptive parents view so I would really appreciate any advice on this.Thank you

Hi Sparkles.

I had a meeting with my agency the other day to find out how tracing happens, hope this helps.

For a child looking for the bm it is easier for the agency to locate the bm because they make the link up of the madien name with there PRSI number as that would be the newest address for them ,

As your daughter is only 21 she may not even have a prsi number, and she possibly could have moved home since she was adopted.

I hope this helps in some way, I wish you all the best in your search!

N x

sparkles2009 · 03-06-2010, 20:54

Thank you for your responses. Although married now I haven't changed my name so hopefully this will help her if she ever does decide to find me. My agency is in Cork & to be fair to them they have been very good to me over the years but suddenly it has stopped now that I have asked them for a meeting to discuss them letting her know that I am here if she would every like to meet. I am not forcing the issue with her or her adoptive parents in any way but just want her to know that the door is open if she every needs it and I would love the chance to tell her she has never left my mind since the day she was taken away. Is it true that she can be told directly by the agency that I am willing to meet if she chooses to do so? It's so hard to know because there is no one to advise me and I just don't know any other way to go about it if the agency won't help me.

Honestbutevil · 06-07-2010, 12:45

It's been so long since I've been on boards... Heatherward, that's great news!
So I've got my date and time for my first meeting with PACT. And now that I have that I'm even more nervous than before. But I think this is mainly because I haven't worked out what outcome I'd like. but I'll try to get on boards more and keep you guys posted.

Bella_purple · 07-07-2010, 17:15

Hello!

I've been with a guy who at the age of 7 was given by his birth mother at an orphanage. Life there was hard. He was never adopted, he just had to struggle in life by himself. Now he's doing fine, he works, is a good worker and has a great soul.

**The_Conductor** · 07-07-2010, 19:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bella_purple

Hello!

I've been with a guy who at the age of 7 was given by his birth mother at an orphanage. Life there was hard. He was never adopted, he just had to struggle in life by himself. Now he's doing fine, he works, is a good worker and has a great soul.

Hi Bella- that was tough on your ex. It was always a lot harder for older children to be adopted- most couples would only consider babies. It was quite common for the orphanages to hold regular open days for prospective adoptive parents- all the kids would be done up their best- and competing to appeal to possible parents. Some of the stories I've heard are totally soul destroying. Shane

Bella_purple · 07-07-2010, 20:22

Hi, Shane!

He told me that this practice for open days for prospective parents was held in the orphanage, he had been to some meetings but he didn't like the families. He didn't complain, though. More he was having the philosophy of wearing his cross and be it. Simple as that. I deeply admire him for that. He's 31 now so I guess he knows what he's talking about, not trying to be cocky or something.
Anyway, in an orphanage, you learn your lessons on the hard way. It's similar with emprisonment, where the law is done by the most powerful or the one that can make alliances. Life is like a battlefield somehow, sometimes.

Heatherward · 21-07-2010, 01:41

Hi hon omg cant believe its this long since i have been on this site just goes to show how much has happened letters, photos etc have been exchanged on a weekly basis the coincidenses in my life and my bm's life r scary we have so taken th same path had the same dog growing up, our marriages lasted 11 years for both of us and on and on she had a dogs life being pregnant with me and after having me with her "country" family to the point she had to run away anyway we had an organised meeting on 9th Aug which was eating away at me like a curse so at 1.00am this morning i said enough booked a flight to england ... woke up this am and thought holy **** nobody knows im coming ..on internet all morn looking up uk phone book cant find anybody .. rang pact my person is on hols spoke to somebody else told her what i had done and to call my bm and tell her im on my way .. woman very confused but did what i asked .. next thing phone rang my bm was on the other end .. aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh fantastic going on friday guys follow your instincts and go with your heart and i hope with all my heart you get the same result xxx let me know how you get on i defo will log on lots more ...... good luck all xx

s.somm · 29-07-2010, 22:36

Hi this is the first time ive posted and have read everything in the threads
I'm a 39yr old adoptee and in the middle of my trace through the HSE.
3 letters have been sent to my BM's address but to no avail. No response.
I'm feeling a bit disappointed now as i didnt expect it to take so long, it's been 3 years since I first started my search. I'm thinking of going to the mormons records in glasnevin to search for my birth cert as ive heard their records are good, has anyone used this route?

Annal07 · 16-09-2010, 19:01

hi my names Anna Im not adopted but my younger brother was adopted 18yrs ago as my mother was too young and could not cope, I think his 18th birthday was July!! i just pray he comes looking as I cant wait to meet him!!!

dramaqueen00 · 29-09-2010, 00:32

This is my first time to post. I am a birth mom who gave my son for adoption in 1979. Last year he contacted the agency and they contacted me immediately. I was lucky they had my home phone number from the time I gave up my son and my mother was still living there and was able to pass on my mobile number. I got a phone call from the social worker, a nun, while I was in work to tell me that my son was sitting downstairs in her office! It was a roller coaster of emotions that went through me when she told me I had two grandchildren!

Thankfully ours has been a good reunion. We corresponded by letter through the agency for a while but quickly moved on to email. The agency also fascilitated out face to face reunion.
There have been times when my emotions were all over the place. But we have taken it slowly and given each other space and time to get to know each other. I am not saying it is all rosy. There are issues and emotions and memories that well up from time to time and I know there are some things that we have not talked about yet but I know there is nothing we cannot deal with.

I just wanted to share this as I have found the threads on posts on this website to be of great help to me over the years, eventhough I never had the courage to post until now

annieo · 08-10-2010, 20:32

Just to introduce myself, im searching for my brother born 29th october 1972 in holles st dublin, to my mother through cunamh agency, she stayed in meath before birth. Her maiden name was o meara and fathers name sullivan.

-Chris- · 08-10-2010, 21:48

I'm adopted and I'm thinking about thinking about starting the search for my birth mother. I think I'm confident enough to tackle it now.

I'm going to start lurking actively and thank you all in advance for your help.

angel01 · 30-10-2010, 17:52

Hi, I am adopted, I have met my birth mother, we met a few times but she suddenly cut contact and I have to accept that it wasn't meant to be and that I didn't mean as much to her as she did to me. She has another child and I presume focused on him. It wasn't easy being dumped by her twice but I now realise, she is my birth mother yes but never acted like a true mother in all senses of the word.

Never met my birth father, would like to one day but don't know much about him.. It is an emotional experience and one that can have positive or negative experiences.

If you do go down the tracing route, make sure you have lots of support

01-06-2010, 01:27	#151
sparkles2009 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 2 Adverts \| Friends	21 year ago Hi allMy daughter was given up for adoption 21 years ago, a decision that was taken out of my hands & I have never gotten over it. Now that she is 21 I was told by a friend that if I contact the agency they must tell her of my interest to meet & after that it is her decision. The agency are not getting back to let me know about this & I appreciate they are also considering the adoptive parents view so I would really appreciate any advice on this.Thank you

16-09-2010, 19:01	#161
Annal07 Registered User Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Ireland Posts: 12 Adverts \| Friends	adopted younger brother hi my names Anna Im not adopted but my younger brother was adopted 18yrs ago as my mother was too young and could not cope, I think his 18th birthday was July!! i just pray he comes looking as I cant wait to meet him!!!

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01-06-2010, 09:51	#152
MaryMagdalene Registered User Join Date: May 2007 Location: Dublin Posts: 119 Adverts \| Friends	Hi Sparkles What agency are you dealing with - someone may have dealings / knowledge of them as some seem to be more helpful than others. What you could do is to send them a registered letter - at least that say someone has to be assigned the case and you would have a name and surely they would have to write back to you. I spent years writing to them most years requesting information and believe me they did everything they could to deter me. I now know that they lied to all parties so don't trust them. My daughter told me she was glad I did not give up and she was glad that she knew I was out there for her when she felt ready - she contacted me when she was 23. I would push but not hold my breathe - why don't you use the tracing guides on this site if you get nowhere with the Agency.

03-06-2010, 20:54	#154
sparkles2009 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 2 Adverts \| Friends	Thank you for your responses. Although married now I haven't changed my name so hopefully this will help her if she ever does decide to find me. My agency is in Cork & to be fair to them they have been very good to me over the years but suddenly it has stopped now that I have asked them for a meeting to discuss them letting her know that I am here if she would every like to meet. I am not forcing the issue with her or her adoptive parents in any way but just want her to know that the door is open if she every needs it and I would love the chance to tell her she has never left my mind since the day she was taken away. Is it true that she can be told directly by the agency that I am willing to meet if she chooses to do so? It's so hard to know because there is no one to advise me and I just don't know any other way to go about it if the agency won't help me.

06-07-2010, 12:45	#155
Honestbutevil Registered User Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Donegal Posts: 6 Adverts \| Friends	It's been so long since I've been on boards... Heatherward, that's great news! So I've got my date and time for my first meeting with PACT. And now that I have that I'm even more nervous than before. But I think this is mainly because I haven't worked out what outcome I'd like. but I'll try to get on boards more and keep you guys posted.

07-07-2010, 17:15	#156
Bella_purple Registered User Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 64 Adverts \| Friends	Hello! I've been with a guy who at the age of 7 was given by his birth mother at an orphanage. Life there was hard. He was never adopted, he just had to struggle in life by himself. Now he's doing fine, he works, is a good worker and has a great soul.

07-07-2010, 20:22	#158
Bella_purple Registered User Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 64 Adverts \| Friends	Hi, Shane! He told me that this practice for open days for prospective parents was held in the orphanage, he had been to some meetings but he didn't like the families. He didn't complain, though. More he was having the philosophy of wearing his cross and be it. Simple as that. I deeply admire him for that. He's 31 now so I guess he knows what he's talking about, not trying to be cocky or something. Anyway, in an orphanage, you learn your lessons on the hard way. It's similar with emprisonment, where the law is done by the most powerful or the one that can make alliances. Life is like a battlefield somehow, sometimes.

21-07-2010, 01:41	#159
Heatherward Registered User Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 13 Adverts \| Friends	Hi hon omg cant believe its this long since i have been on this site just goes to show how much has happened letters, photos etc have been exchanged on a weekly basis the coincidenses in my life and my bm's life r scary we have so taken th same path had the same dog growing up, our marriages lasted 11 years for both of us and on and on she had a dogs life being pregnant with me and after having me with her "country" family to the point she had to run away anyway we had an organised meeting on 9th Aug which was eating away at me like a curse so at 1.00am this morning i said enough booked a flight to england ... woke up this am and thought holy **** nobody knows im coming ..on internet all morn looking up uk phone book cant find anybody .. rang pact my person is on hols spoke to somebody else told her what i had done and to call my bm and tell her im on my way .. woman very confused but did what i asked .. next thing phone rang my bm was on the other end .. aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh fantastic going on friday guys follow your instincts and go with your heart and i hope with all my heart you get the same result xxx let me know how you get on i defo will log on lots more ...... good luck all xx

29-07-2010, 22:36	#160
s.somm Registered User Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 5 Adverts \| Friends	Hi this is the first time ive posted and have read everything in the threads I'm a 39yr old adoptee and in the middle of my trace through the HSE. 3 letters have been sent to my BM's address but to no avail. No response. I'm feeling a bit disappointed now as i didnt expect it to take so long, it's been 3 years since I first started my search. I'm thinking of going to the mormons records in glasnevin to search for my birth cert as ive heard their records are good, has anyone used this route?

29-09-2010, 00:32	#162
dramaqueen00 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 4 Adverts \| Friends	This is my first time to post. I am a birth mom who gave my son for adoption in 1979. Last year he contacted the agency and they contacted me immediately. I was lucky they had my home phone number from the time I gave up my son and my mother was still living there and was able to pass on my mobile number. I got a phone call from the social worker, a nun, while I was in work to tell me that my son was sitting downstairs in her office! It was a roller coaster of emotions that went through me when she told me I had two grandchildren! Thankfully ours has been a good reunion. We corresponded by letter through the agency for a while but quickly moved on to email. The agency also fascilitated out face to face reunion. There have been times when my emotions were all over the place. But we have taken it slowly and given each other space and time to get to know each other. I am not saying it is all rosy. There are issues and emotions and memories that well up from time to time and I know there are some things that we have not talked about yet but I know there is nothing we cannot deal with. I just wanted to share this as I have found the threads on posts on this website to be of great help to me over the years, eventhough I never had the courage to post until now

08-10-2010, 20:32	#163
annieo Registered User Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 11 Adverts \| Friends	Just to introduce myself, im searching for my brother born 29th october 1972 in holles st dublin, to my mother through cunamh agency, she stayed in meath before birth. Her maiden name was o meara and fathers name sullivan.

08-10-2010, 21:48	#164
-Chris- Closed Account Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 9,788 Adverts \| Friends	I'm adopted and I'm thinking about thinking about starting the search for my birth mother. I think I'm confident enough to tackle it now. I'm going to start lurking actively and thank you all in advance for your help.

30-10-2010, 17:52	#165
angel01 Closed Account Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 6,827 Adverts \| Friends	Hi, I am adopted, I have met my birth mother, we met a few times but she suddenly cut contact and I have to accept that it wasn't meant to be and that I didn't mean as much to her as she did to me. She has another child and I presume focused on him. It wasn't easy being dumped by her twice but I now realise, she is my birth mother yes but never acted like a true mother in all senses of the word. Never met my birth father, would like to one day but don't know much about him.. It is an emotional experience and one that can have positive or negative experiences. If you do go down the tracing route, make sure you have lots of support