The Wonders & woes Of Champix
There is a lot of absolute nonsense floating around about CHAMPIX and its so called negative effects on users. Firstly, let me tell you that I have been smoking 20+ cigarettes per day non-stop for over thirty-five years and have, from time to time, tried to give up but always to no avail. Cold Turkey, chewing gum, patches, alternative methods, you name it and I have tried it. A friend of mine mentioned CHAMPIX to me and I did a bit of internet digging about it and came up with the most frightening prospects if I were to take the course. Stories of folks in the USA going berserk and shooting people, women wielding axes at their husbands in the dead of night and one report that a gentleman from Oregon was visited by Aliens who force fed him nicotine suppositories. My conclusion is that these people were around long before CHAMPIX came on the scene and will continue to be around for many more years to come. I wonder if the guy in Austria who locked up his family for twenty year!
s was on CHAMPIX? Or how about the German guy who ate his best friend for dinner? Did he have a CHAMPIX fix before the main course?
A little further digging comes up with stories of Nausea, Vomiting, Sleepless Nights, Constipation and....wait for it....Suicidal Ideation. Oh my God, I thought, I will be off the fags but I will be found sleepwalking with a rope dangling in my hand looking for a toilet with a trail of vomit behind me in the dead of night. I have to tell you that such an image does very little for my ego and even less for my love life.
Now. I have to conclude from my desire to proceed anyway that there must be a bit of a 'divil' in all of us and that includes me because I still wanted to have a go. So with all this information stored on my harddrive and uploaded onto my Ipod and downloaded into my mind and backed up on my USB I head for my GP to discuss the possibility of taking this serious 'head trip'.
To cut a long story short, I started the course the next day. Followed the instructions, picked DAY 14 to quit and listened very carefully to my mind, body and spirit for the slightest signal of chaos which would be the justifiable catalyst to me binning the box of wicked tablets and returning full time to the good old fags.
One month later, no bad dreams, no sleepless nights, no nausea, no overeating, no nightmares, no murders, no dangling ropes, no constipation, no hallucinations, no suicidal ideations, in fact, if I were a junkie looking for a serious head trip from these things I would be one very very dissapointed sould indeed.
On day 15 I got out of bed and had no cigarettes because I made sure I had the last two before I went to bed the night before. I anticipated cravings that never came, I anticipated bad mood swings that never came, I anticipated intolerance and impatience with others that never came, I anticipated a desire to kill anybody who said 'Boo! to me that never came (even though many a good Boo! did come), nothing of what I expected would happen actually happened.
Here is what happened to me as a result of taking the CHAMPIX course. I am off the cigarettes. I am a non smoker who sits indoors for his lunch, I have more money in my pocket (I am saving a tenner a day in a large glass bottle and figure there is maybe four hundred bucks so far and rising......Carribean Islands look out, here I come!), no taste of dead rats in my throat when I wake up in the morning, no late night trawling the streets looking for open shops to make sure I wont wake up tomorrow 'fagless', no cravings, no longings and the icing on the cake, no smell off me or my clothes and my partner tells me when they kiss me they dont feel like they are kissing an ashtray. I used to snore and thats gone. I feel great and I am sleeping like a log. Everyone is asking me these days how come I look so well, cheerful and happy and.......Oh delight.....How come I look younger?
Bottom line, forget the bull you are reading and get out there to your GP, bring him/her a print of this posting and get on this course immediately. Don't delay, there is a very painless and happy smoke free world out there and you are invited.
Thats my story. Sorry if I bored you.
Gerry Hannan (Limerick)