[in the episode where Bart and Lisa join the ice hockey teams]
Bart: OK, but on my way, I'm going to be doing this. (twirls arms) If you get hit, it's your own fault.
Lisa: OK, then I'm going to start kicking air like this. (kicks) And if any part of you should fill that air, (kicks) it's your own fault.
(They walk towards each other, then start fighting)
Marge: Oh, I better go check that out. Now Homer, don't you eat this pie!
Homer: OK... All right, pie, I'm just going to do this. (chomps air) And if you get eaten, it's your own fault! (walks towards pie, chomping air, and hits head on range head) Ow! Oh, my-- aw, to hell with this. (grabs pie and eats it)
The very much quoted Ralph line in full:
Skinner: All right, first academic alert: Wiggum, Ralph.
Ralph: I won, I won! (walks on stage)
Skinner: No no, Ralph, this means you're failing English.
Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!
Homer: Its your child versus mine, the winner will be showered with praise, the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore
From the movie:
"Spider pig, spider pig, does what ever a spider pig does"
"He's not spider pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper"
Originally Posted by Caesar_Bojangle
Let the bears pay the bear tax, I pay the Homer tax.
Thats the homeOWNER tax
From when Lisa becomes a vegetarian:
Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good it's still good!!
It's just a little wet! It's still good it's still good!!!!!!
It's just a little airborne! It's still good it's stil-
[when told by marge that mass is only a hour long]
"Then God should have made a week an hour longer"
[when Homer gets sick from that sandwich so he can't go to Duff Gardens]
"What are the odds of getting sick on a Saturday? One in a thousand!"
My favourite grandpa one:
Grandpa: "We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere. Like that time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville; I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have any white onions, because of the war; the only thing you can get was those big yellow ones.”
Homer: You mean you're never going to eat meat again?
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Oh sure Lisa, a special, magical animal.
Homer: Good things don't end with -ium, they end with -mania and -teria
Homer: Crying won't get your dog back! Now you could stay here and keep eating dog food until your tears taste enough like dog food so that your dog comes home, or you could go and find your dog!
Bart: You're right! I'm going to go find my dog! (Leaves.)
Homer: Drats. Almost had him eating dog food.
Lisa: Dad whats a muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a man, and its not quite a puppet but (laughs)... so to answer your question I don't know
Homer: How can I get bart to do things with me.
Homer's brain: Why not try reverse psychology.
Homer: That won't ever work.
Homer's brain: O.K., don't try reverse psychology.
Homer: Alright, I WILL try reverse psychology.