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The Beer Baron · 23-08-2003, 17:20

Hands up who got these jokes from the Zig&Zag joke books. C'mon...admit it.

(Why did the lobster blush- because the sea weed- deary me)

Raz · 26-08-2003, 17:28

Zig & Zag books rule!!

Why does Zuppy have a flat nose?? From chasing parked cars!!!

Len · 31-08-2003, 00:54

whats red and invisible?

no tomatoes.

Vader · 31-08-2003, 17:15

what do you call a man with no hair?

Bald!

1philip · 02-09-2003, 22:10

Why do they call them Wonderbras? Because when you take it off you wonder where your tits went.

Jabbathegut · 03-09-2003, 17:24

Three baby seals walked into a club....

TeenStar · 08-09-2003, 17:17

hmmm can't think of any good one-liners.....but here's a few anyway

I used to be conceited but now i'm just perfect!

bad spellers of the world unitgt!

autopsy is a dying trend

**Capt'n Midnight** · 08-09-2003, 17:43

she can look through a keyhole with both eyes..

Pretensious ! Moi ?

What is the differance betwee mash potatoes and peanuts ?
You can mash potatoes

Heresy · 08-09-2003, 18:01

"Jesus lads, I'm so hungry I could eat the balls off of a low flying seagull".

Had a few chuckles when I heard my mammy saying that...

**Capt'n Midnight** · 08-09-2003, 18:13

- have you ever seen the size of moth balls ?

dod · 08-09-2003, 18:22

Whats the difference between a basin and a bison?
You can wash your hands in one and the other is a south american buffalo.

(ah, the only joke I remember from the Fozzie Bear page of the 1978 Muppet Show Annual, oh how I rue the day that I returned home to find that my mother had thrown that book out....)

Space Coyote · 09-09-2003, 13:37

From the king of the one-liner, Tommy Cooper ...

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?".
I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

Do you know I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school
bags, he's bisatchel.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said
"Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said
"You're closest".

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her
up, I said "Do you get my drift?".

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a
complaint,this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a
catholic converter.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a
barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

sod · 09-09-2003, 14:01

whats the difference between eggs and a blowjob?

you can beat eggs...

AL][EN · 10-09-2003, 17:47

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn. anyone?"

I made a killing in the stock market. I shot my broker

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

joseph brand · 16-09-2003, 05:36

Two gays walkin down the road,
One turns to other and says, "it's lovely out isn't it?"
The other replies, "yes, but you can put it back now"

hee hee hee

08-09-2003, 17:43	#68
Capt'n Midnight 00:00 Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 40,714 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Biology, Lifehacking, Popular Science, Windows	Narrow minded ? she can look through a keyhole with both eyes.. Pretensious ! Moi ? What is the differance betwee mash potatoes and peanuts ? You can mash potatoes

08-09-2003, 18:13	#70
Capt'n Midnight 00:00 Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 40,714 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Biology, Lifehacking, Popular Science, Windows	why do moths fly with thier legs apart - have you ever seen the size of moth balls ?

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23-08-2003, 17:20	#61
The Beer Baron Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 673 Adverts \| Friends	Hands up who got these jokes from the Zig&Zag joke books. C'mon...admit it. (Why did the lobster blush- because the sea weed- deary me)

26-08-2003, 17:28	#62
Raz Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Look behind you! Posts: 993 Adverts \| Friends	Zig & Zag books rule!! Why does Zuppy have a flat nose?? From chasing parked cars!!!

31-08-2003, 00:54	#63
Len Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dublin Posts: 11 Adverts \| Friends	whats red and invisible? no tomatoes.

31-08-2003, 17:15	#64
Vader Banned Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Laois Posts: 1,322 Adverts \| Friends	what do you call a man with no hair? Bald!

02-09-2003, 22:10	#65
1philip Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Dublin Posts: 1 Adverts \| Friends	Why do they call them Wonderbras? Because when you take it off you wonder where your tits went.

03-09-2003, 17:24	#66
Jabbathegut Registered User Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Lucan Posts: 197 Adverts \| Friends	Three baby seals walked into a club....

08-09-2003, 17:17	#67
TeenStar Registered User Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Dublin Posts: 88 Adverts \| Friends	hmmm can't think of any good one-liners.....but here's a few anyway I used to be conceited but now i'm just perfect! bad spellers of the world unitgt! autopsy is a dying trend

08-09-2003, 18:01	#69
Heresy Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Dublin Posts: 98 Adverts \| Friends	"Jesus lads, I'm so hungry I could eat the balls off of a low flying seagull". Had a few chuckles when I heard my mammy saying that...

08-09-2003, 18:22	#71
dod Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 781 Adverts \| Friends	Whats the difference between a basin and a bison? You can wash your hands in one and the other is a south american buffalo. (ah, the only joke I remember from the Fozzie Bear page of the 1978 Muppet Show Annual, oh how I rue the day that I returned home to find that my mother had thrown that book out....)

09-09-2003, 13:37	#72
Space Coyote Registered User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: In that space between insane and insecure Posts: 2,136 Adverts \| Friends	From the king of the one-liner, Tommy Cooper ... I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one". So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays". So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. Do you know I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel. So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest". The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Do you get my drift?". So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint,this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions". So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck". You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter. So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

09-09-2003, 14:01	#73
sod Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 55 Adverts \| Friends	whats the difference between eggs and a blowjob? you can beat eggs...

10-09-2003, 17:47	#74
AL][EN Registered User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: There's no place like 127.0.0.1 Posts: 2,229 Adverts \| Friends	I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn. anyone?" I made a killing in the stock market. I shot my broker I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

16-09-2003, 05:36	#75
joseph brand Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Highcation Posts: 3,744 Adverts \| Friends	Two gays walkin down the road, One turns to other and says, "it's lovely out isn't it?" The other replies, "yes, but you can put it back now" hee hee hee