Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Grindr Guy causing me grief

  • 05-08-2014 11:26pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Right well, I'm 18, gay, from kerry not out.
    I started up on grindr back a few weeks back and got immersed in it, as you do.
    The day I started on it I got chatting to a supposed 18 year old so all good I thought :)
    Except he was a catfish (had I been on a bit longer I would have copped on right away) I sent the facepic and low-and-behold he knew who I was.
    We were chatting for a while (I had no desire to meet up after I wised up and realised he was a catfish with false pics and the whole shebang) I called him out on his deceitfulness and he was actually strangely proud of it and bragged about how successful he was at it.
    I liked the chats with him cuz he as a funny ****er and the mystery of trying to learn who he was kept me interested anyway so I was happy talking to the random stranger the odd time until out of the blue he blocked me.
    * Now there's a local guy who knows my name an that I'm gay and that's worrying enough but then I heard he was on about me to other guys on the app. (I've since deleted it)
    So now i'm kinda worried about it all and that'll he'll drop my name to lads I know who are out and who I definitely do not want to know about me because if that happens I am well and truly fúcked.
    What should I do? Please help....


Comments

  • #2
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,736 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    What on earth is a catfish?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    What on earth is a catfish?

    Someone who puts fake profiles on social media with the intent of luring someone in


  • #4
    Aint Eazy Being Cheezy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,629 ✭✭✭Aint Eazy Being Cheezy


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    What on earth is a catfish?

    Catfish definition.


  • #5
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,736 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    How do you know he contacted other people?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    How do you know he contacted other people?

    Because I kept up contact with a couple of lads post grindr- the both of 'em informed


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    playedalive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭playedalive


    Unfortunately, the worst thing about Grindr is that it's location based, which is great if you're looking to meet locals but terrible for avoiding locals. I say that as somebody who sees people from grindr in Tesco and wonder where I know you from. And then it clicks.

    Part of me would hope that if this guy had any understanding about other people's privacy (particularly about surrounding being gay) that he'd shut up and keep his tongue to himself. But wishful thinking is not helpful here. I would remind this guy to butt out of your business and find something else to talk about.

    If it does get out you're on grindr, you don't have to be forced to come out or say anything. You do come to a point eventually when you don't care what people care. (I say this as a 23 year old looking back at my nervous 18 year old self).


  • #8
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    You have to be careful with managing your online presence - if you are not out and do not plan to come out, especially in a less 'gay mainstream' area like Kerry, you have to be picky with how you appear to people. I know what the feeling is like - I once got a message on one of the apps with something along the lines of 'I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GAY OMG', to this day still don't know who it is locally. (I'm out, but still). Doubt it's going to surface beyond a rumour from that incident but if the worst happens, just be straight up, it is a lot easier in the long run than denying it and everyone knowing behind your back. Don't worry about it too much for now - just be a little more careful with handing your pic out straight away.
    I heard he was on about me to other guys on the app.

    Not sure how you know this if you're not out.


  • #9
    CdeC
    Registered Users Posts: 510 ✭✭✭CdeC


    Hey,

    There's nothing you can do. Grindr can get you into trouble alright. That was really **** what your man did. Particularly that you are from Kerry and it is a great way to chat to other gay lads in that area as there's not much else.

    I'd say he will probably not start blathing on about you as he is probably not out himself and will not want to attract attention. But as he's told people on the app you may want to start thinking about how you want your friends and family to know. Would it be better it came from you and not some eejit down the local.

    I know it is not ideal but it may fast track you coming out and I hope that it was something you were going to do eventually anyway. There are some great threads on here with experiences. But for now do nothing and hopefully nothing more will come of it until you are ready.


  • #10
    Ash885
    Registered Users Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Ash885


    If something bad happens just quick solution is to say someone's been using your pics. However it's not a true solution because you have nothing to really be ashamed of. Karma is a b*tch and that guy's got a wave of pain coming.


  • #11
    hotmail.com
    Registered Users Posts: 12,965 ✭✭✭✭hotmail.com


    You could use this as an excuse to come out? It's going to come out eventually.

    Most gays that haven't come out yet have similar stories by the way! It may seem now like a big thing, but trust me, it isn't!


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    Locker10a
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 4,137 Mod ✭✭✭✭Locker10a


    I think we have all had horror stories of dealing with pests online! I certainly have! I had one guy who I actually met up with only to discover he was fat, ugly and old and not at all who he said he was! he also had multiple accounts online under various names and was actually quite the psycho!! He also spoke about me to other people on dating apps and stuff he actually put in a full time effort to being a crazy obsessed catfish who just tried to catch you out online! Sometimes he messages me on facebook but i blocked him!
    Let it be a lesson, some people out there really are crazy!!


Advertisement