Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Alright folks, longtime boards user, going unreg for a few reasons (boring stuff - work etc.).

I know you've all heard this before, but you will recover (provided certain things are addressed). I've been a longtime sufferer (i hate saying it like that btw) of fairly severe depression (and by fairly severe, i mean that on the spectrum of depressive disorders there have been times when i was at the extreme end).

On paper, I've had the most successful and productive life I could have had, despite the crippling depression I have had to deal with (and still do deal with, every day). Severe clinical depression is something you wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy. It is simply the most devious, nasty, clever, and cruel foe anyone could ever have to face.

And whether you ended up with this illness (and it is an illness, go to any acute psychiatric ward for evidence) because of simple genetics, a stressful environment, childhood trauma, social isolation, alienation, or any of the other factors involved in causing this illness, it is very real.

And because it is very real, luckily, in this day and age of science and reason, it can be fixed to a measurable degree.

I battled for years with my depression (although i would never admit to being depressed oddly enough) through yoga, exercise, meditation, diet, tai chi, and general quackery. And one day, when I realised life was completely passing me by, I said 'fcuk it, let's give medical science a shot'.
And so I started on a course of SSRIs. Of course, I felt even worse (which i didn't think possible) for the first 3-4 weeks, and as soon as i felt better I'd have a few days where i'd feel right back in it, this time with horrible side effects.

But I persisted. And I slowly got my life back. And then life was flippin great, so I thought 'ah i don't need these silly happy pills anymore' and in fact denied that the pills had done any good in the first place, and off I went on my merry way.
Two years later, I hit my second depressive episode. And again I fought and fought to delude myself that there was nothing wrong with me that an apple and a workout wouldn't fix. Eventually, after being acutely suicidal for about 3 weeks, I reluctantly went back on to the SSRI I had been on before. And lo and behold a few months later, everything was right where i wanted and so I stopped taking the pills.

4 months after that, another episode, and the whole rigmarole again. After noticing the not-so-subtle pattern emerging, I resigned myself to going back on the medication for an indefinite length of time.

That was 5 years ago. I got better, much better, over the next 9 months or so, and pretty much did everything I ever wanted to do in the years after. I'd have the odd week or so where I would be so utterly depressed I couldn't get out of bed, but overall, these depressions were more managable and crucially, shorter than the episodes I had when I was younger.

Anywho I'm rambling here. I think my main point here is, that depression is very real, very common (talk to any GP or pharmacist about where most of their business comes from), and crucially, VERY treatable.

That last point there is the reason many people feel fobbed off by doctors when they are in the grips of despair and all the doctor wants to do is write you a prescription for some pills that seem at first to make everything worse. The unfortunate thing about the SSRIs as a drug class is the onset of action. Realistically you're talking AT LEAST 21 days before any noticeable effect comes about.
21 days when you are in the grip of severe depression seems like a lifetime. And even then, you don't get well overnight. Just when you get some glimmer of hope, the whole thing falls apart temporarily and it's more crushing than before, because now you think 'look i was fine yesterday and then this happened, i'm totally fcuked'.

And you're running to the doctors saying 'ffs i feel awful, i feel worse, wtf is wrong with me?', but they want to persist for another few weeks, and then re-assess. And you might end up having to change medication and do the whole thing again. It's exhausting even to think about.

But there are some things that make it slightly better.....exercise (and by exercise I mean really going hell for leather), attempting to keep some semblance of a normal sleeping pattern, a good diet (difficult when you have zero appetite i know), and some sort of therapy (CBT etc) just to give you that edge to hang on and pull through.

And there are things that make it worse.....isolation, drinking (can't emphasise that enough), drugs, and being reminded that the world is a fairly messed up place (so put your current affairs interest on hold - news of child massacres/lying politicians/national economic misery isn't going to help your condition one bit).

But hard as it is to believe it, people don't only recover from depression, they live fuller, better lives post-recovery than they ever would have had they not been struck with such an horrific illness. When you've been down in that hole of despair, you make promises to yourself that if you ever make it out of here, you're going to appreciate every day like it's a divine blessing.

Anywho, I've completely tangented here, but just want to say 'hang in there folks, get yourself a good doctor, and above all else, do not give up because it WILL get better with the right approach'.