Still affected by break-up

Apologies for how long this is, the first half is kind of 'background' to the mess!

I'm mid/late twenties and last year fell head over heels for a guy who on paper seemed 'perfect'. We had great fun together and I really admired certain things about him (he works with special needs children and spends loads of his free time volunteering with different charities). He spoke really early about our future together, moving in together, getting married and having children etc. and although part of me felt wary of it being too intense too soon, I at times felt completely happy and excited about the future. In ways we were perfectly matched.

I did feel like I got mixed messages though, on one hand he'd say he'd do anything for me but then actually let me down in lots of very small ways. After a couple of hard months I felt he actually wasn't bothered after all and I said we should go our separate ways. I expected him to agree but instead he was devastated and kept trying to convince me if I gave him another chance he'd show me how much I meant to him. Part of me was thrilled to 'give it a go', thinking we could take things more slowly and try to communicate better to avoid miscommunication etc. but even though I tried, we never spoke properly about what had bothered me so much, I tried to explain but he'd get annoyed and just say I needed to 'let things go', that all relationships need work and effort & how childish it was of me to dump him when he'd "done nothing" to deserve it. I just didn't feel he listened to/understood me and became more and more tense and unhappy. I also felt he put me down in subtle ways and was even a small bit controlling.

Eventually, a few weeks before Christmas (which he had half mocked me for liking because it's "just for kids" and he kept saying he doesn't like it) I decided to end things properly. To him it was completely out of the blue and I did feel terrible about that. Initially though, I was mostly so relieved which I think says a lot but after a week or so I did start feeling really sad that it didn't work and I missed him terribly (for all the 'bad' times there had been lots of good ones). I said we shouldn't keep in contact as it'd make it easier for both but he really wanted to (and part of me did too) so we texted quite a bit. I liked that we seemed to be able to be friends after all, it was less intense than before and nice. He started texting a lot when a bit drunk though saying how much I'd broken his heart and was devastated etc.
One evening he got very annoying when drunk and did a few silly/annoying things, turned up at my house, begging me to get back together etc. I had been getting to a stage where I thought possibly we would, but this carry on really annoyed me. I told him to go home to bed as it was a sunday evening and we had work the next day. I didn't hear from him then for a full week (which was a little unusual) so figured that was it, our efforts to be friends must have fizzled.
He then texted after a week asking me to call over so he could explain himself. I eventually agreed and he told me that the previous week, when I thought he'd gone home to bed, he hadn't. He said the next day he woke up in a garda cell and had been taken into custody for his own safety as he was beside a river, saying he was going to kill himself On one hand he kept saying he didn't remember anything, was too drunk, but on the other kept saying after how badly I'd treated him by dumping him out of the blue 3 weeks before Christmas, I'd put him in that place where he wanted to end his life. I was in total shock when he told me, felt terrible for him and so guilty. He was still insisting he wanted us to be friends and because he's quite isolated and doesn’t have many close friends (he’s quite popular but seems to keep people at a distance.) I agreed to staying in touch. I felt so shocked, sorry for him and guilty but after a few days it dawned on me how manipulative it was of him to call me over to tell me that (as well as get lots of subtle digs in about how I’d never find anyone who had loved me as much as him but I wasn’t the great person he had thought).

Eventually after a few sleepless nights feeling very stressed I sent a long text wishing him the best but saying I didn’t want to be friends after all. He didn’t reply which is fair enough but it feels strange to have ended like that. I was still so worried about him even though he’d insisted he was fine now. I contacted his sister and explained as best I could, hoping his family could support him. She was very receptive and said she’d get him to come visit soon (none of his family live here, a few hours away & lives in a house share) and talk to him then and I asked would she let me know how it went. I’m not sure why I wanted her to or what I thought she could say.
Two weeks later she said she hadn’t seen him yet but would the following week & would let me know. I never heard from her and I wish I didn’t but I think about him a lot and wonder how he is. It makes me sad that his family didn’t seem to see any great urgency to this. I don’t know has she still not seen him or just forgot/didn’t want to contact me after. I know really it’s none of my business and out of my hands. I wish I felt more ‘over it’ though. Sometimes I wonder should I write to him explaining properly why I finally ended our friendship & that I still care about him/want the best for him. He can be dishonest at times so I don’t know did he make something up to his sister to make me look bad & now she doesn’t want to be in contact. I swing between being really annoyed at him and worried about him. We live quite close to each-other and work in similar fields so I'll probably see him around sooner or later but don't know what that will be like.