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Separation - but in the same house?

  • 15-04-2015 1:47pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I was wondering if anyone had any experience with separation but living under the same roof.

    I'm thinking of going down the separation route, however I am currently a full time student and as such have no income of my own. I believe that my marriage is all but over, and I need to start thinking about the legal routes myself.

    However, it is obvious that there is not enough money coming in to support the family house and separate accommodation. I have no family in the country and we have a young son so I would prefer to stay in the house. I'm not sure that my OH would have anywhere to move to that wouldn't be costly.

    Has anyone any experience of this. I'm not aiming to make anything difficult and want things to remain as amicable as possible.


Comments

  • #2
    fussyonion
    Registered Users Posts: 7,818 ✭✭✭fussyonion


    I know a woman who separated from her husband but remained living in the same house.
    They didn't speak and led separate lives.
    But she used to tell me how awkward it was and how she wished things had been different.

    I can't see how living under the same roof can work long-term, OP, even if things are amicable.
    You are probably going to have a new relationship, as will he...how will that work out with your living situation?

    At the moment, you're lucky things are amicable and that's great.
    But as soon as you or he have enough money, someone has to leave.


  • #3
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    Hi OP,
    Firstly sorry to hear you are in this situation.Well done for trying to think ahead and not being in denial or playing a blame game.

    Have you and your husband definitely decided your marraige is over? From your post I'm not sure. If you have then a visit to a solicitor is no harm so you get the likely legal situation.

    In Ireland there is a four year separation necessary before divorce so exactly when you separate becomes really important later on. Remaining living together can make this date unclear and lead to problems later. There needs to be changes other than just not sharing a bedroom. You must be leading separate lives within the house apart from raising your child. A solicitor can advise you.

    As the previous poster has said living together during a separation is very challenging. You and your husband will need to work out rules and stick to them. Personally I think it should be avoided and I couldn't bear the thought of it when I separated a few years back.

    Finally pay a visit to citizens information to find out what you would be entitled to with social welfare if you were living separately.


  • #4
    DivingDuck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,396 ✭✭✭DivingDuck


    I know of two couples who did this. One set is still living (relatively) happily together, the other had to go their separate ways sharpish after things became acrimonious in the extreme.

    I think the important factor is whether or not both partners are on the same page. If you have both agreed to the dissolution of the relationship, and you are both level-headed and reasonable people, there is every chance you can make this work, at least in the short-term. (The issue of new partners tends to rock even the most stable boat.)

    If, however, one of you wants to end things and the other doesn't, it could get very ugly, very fast. If one or both of you are emotional, passionate people, it will definitely be difficult.

    It's definitely not impossible, OP, and it does work for some people, but give careful consideration to whether or not you think you and your husband would be successful in this. Trying to do it and failing will be hard on both of you, and most especially on your son. Good luck.


  • #5
    aujopimur
    Registered Users Posts: 3,953 ✭✭✭aujopimur


    Living together has no bearing on separation/divorce, it's from when you decide the marriage ended.


  • #6
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    aujopimur wrote: »
    Living together has no bearing on separation/divorce, it's from when you decide the marriage ended.

    If there is a dispute over when the separation occured living together can muddy the waters. Also simply stopping sleeping together alone does not equal marital separation legally. A court can seek other evidence such as financial changes ( eg closing of joint accounts ) and evidence that you both lived separate lives socially.


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  • #7
    salmocab
    Registered Users Posts: 11,282 ✭✭✭✭salmocab


    My brother tried this when he split with his partner of 16 odd years, they had a son of about 13 and it was a disaster ended really badly and 4 years later hasn't improved at all. Luckily they weren't married.


  • #8
    lollie3
    Registered Users Posts: 17 ✭lollie3


    i am living in this situation at the moment - with two young children - its an nightmare -


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