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Best jokes from Primary school.

  • 18-08-2011 8:51pm
    #1
    VenomousFish
    Registered Users Posts: 135 ✭✭


    This is the thread for all those jokes you remember from Primary. Think back to those simpler days, when all a joke needed was a reference to male genitalia to make everyone that heard it erupt into giggles. The more immature the better. To start:
    My uncle Billy,
    Had a very big willy,
    So he showed it to the lady next door.
    She thought it was a snake,
    So she cut it with a rake,
    And now it's only three foot four.
    Tagged:


«134

Comments

  • #2
    merengueca
    Registered Users Posts: 465 ✭✭merengueca


    What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs!

    Grassy ar5e:D


  • #3
    Oh_Noes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,512 ✭✭✭Oh_Noes


    What's the difference between Ayrton Senna and Denis Irwin?

    Denis Irwin can take corners.


  • #4
    hatrickpatrick
    Registered Users Posts: 17,797 ✭✭✭✭hatrickpatrick


    Hey, would you like to join the Pen Fifteen club?
    It's the coolest club EVER, and all you have to do to become a member is let me write our logo, Pen Fifteen, on your hand in permanent marker.
    Sure!

    PEN15

    Ah. Bollocks.


  • #5
    EverEvolving
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭EverEvolving


    Your epidermis is showing.


  • #6
    hatrickpatrick
    Registered Users Posts: 17,797 ✭✭✭✭hatrickpatrick


    Actually speaking of Bollocks, does anyone remember the game, "Bollocks"?

    The object is to say the word bollocks, then your opponent has to say it louder than you did, then you say it louder, etc. Winner is whichever one doesn't get kicked out first.


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  • #7
    Cormac2791
    Registered Users Posts: 513 ✭✭✭Cormac2791


    merengueca wrote: »
    What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs!

    Grassy ar5e:D

    Our rendition was after been slide tackled to the ground as opposed to having no legs!


  • #8
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,376 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    merengueca wrote: »
    What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs!

    Grassy ar5e:D

    What would you call a Spanish footballer with no balls ?


    Senorita.


  • #9
    Samich
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,949 ✭✭✭Samich


    Guess what.

    What

    You're gay.


  • #10
    Guill
    Registered Users Posts: 3,331 ✭✭✭Guill


    Walking down the lane just swingin my chain,
    along comes a copper tries to take down my name,
    out with my pen knife flickity flick,
    Down with his trouser and off with his dick.


    (Hilarious at the time, extra because i got to say dick).


  • #11
    Shreddingblood
    Registered Users Posts: 791 ✭✭✭Shreddingblood


    What did St Patrick say to the snakes when he was driving them out of Ireland?

    "Are you alright in the back there lads?"


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  • #12
    The Big Red Button
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    What's brown and sticky?





    A stick!


  • #13
    eamor
    Registered Users Posts: 123 ✭✭eamor


    Two smarties are kicking the **** outta the jellybabies...hardman mr.vicks walks in....grabs the smarties and makes bits of them...barman fruit pastile cleans up d mess,pulls a few pints and thinks jeez that mr.vicks is f***in menthol....


  • #14
    Radharc na Sleibhte
    Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Radharc na Sleibhte


    What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    Fsh.

    (hehe, i remember thinking that was gas, told every aunt uncle and cousin)


  • #15
    mackg
    Registered Users Posts: 3,938 ✭✭✭mackg


    Are you a gay tied to a pole

    no

    Ahhhhh a gay on the loose



    what's the capital of thailand

    Bangkok, followed by a kick in the balls



    Do you cry when your dad rides you in the ass

    no

    ahahahahahahah


  • #16
    cocoshovel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭cocoshovel


    Are you gay!?
    no
    Does your mother know you're gay?
    no.
    I thought you said you weren't gay ohohohauehauheahuhe.
    ok.


    Hey dropped your gay card
    huh?(looks down)
    haahaiahhahaha



    Agaysayswhat!?
    what?
    hahahahaha!


  • #17
    suarez9
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37 ✭suarez9


    Whats the worst four years of an tinkers life? 6th class!


  • #18
    El Siglo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,803 ✭✭✭El Siglo


    What do you call a man with no left testicle?



    A right bollocks!


  • #19
    amacachi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,316 ✭✭✭✭amacachi


    What's green and sits in the corner?

    A bold frog.


  • #20
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Kid: Do you like reading?

    Red haired kid: Yeah.

    Kid: Have you read pubes?





    :(


  • #21
    joshrogan
    Registered Users Posts: 855 ✭✭✭joshrogan


    chatterpillar wrote: »
    What's brown and sticky?





    Anal
    FYP courtesy of Jimmy Carr.


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  • #22
    --Kaiser--
    Registered Users Posts: 6,461 ✭✭✭--Kaiser--


    What's the capital of Thailand?

    I dunno..

    Bangcock!
    (bash other boy in the genitals and run like fVck)


  • #23
    DonJose
    Registered Users Posts: 3,470 ✭✭✭DonJose


    Memory is gone to fcuk, I can't remember what I had for breakfast but I'll never forget this one, based on a fella who lived in the flats next door.

    Willie White did a sh!te,
    in the middle of the night,
    he saw a ghost eating toast,
    halfway up a lamp post.


  • #24
    The Gnome
    Registered Users Posts: 1,403 ✭✭✭The Gnome


    1: How do you spell hive without the e?

    2: Hiv.

    1: Are you positive?

    2: Yeah!

    1: Hweh hweh hweh


  • #25
    c_man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,436 ✭✭✭c_man


    Would you ever touch a BMW?

    Yeah...

    AHHHH GAY! Black man's willy!


  • #26
    Dionysus
    Registered Users Posts: 3,420 ✭✭✭Dionysus


    Two pages into a thread on primary school jokes and not one mention of



    YOR MA'




    :D


  • #27
    Corkfeen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,940 ✭✭✭Corkfeen


    What's long, hard and full of seamen?

    A Submarine. :D


  • #28
    Fremen
    Registered Users Posts: 2,481 ✭✭✭Fremen


    Not really a joke, but bumping your index fingers together was the hand gesture for being gay, as if gay men have sex by poking their knobs at one another.

    That's hilarious.


  • #29
    --Kaiser--
    Registered Users Posts: 6,461 ✭✭✭--Kaiser--


    c_man wrote: »
    Would you ever touch a BMW?

    Yeah...

    AHHHH GAY! Black man's willy!

    A related one:

    Would you do a black?
    - Yeah
    Really? I'd do his wife!


  • #30
    cocoshovel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭cocoshovel


    What does JCB stand for? Job Completely Bolloxed.


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  • #31
    du Maurier
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,198 ✭✭✭du Maurier


    mackg wrote: »
    Are you a gay tied to a pole

    no

    Ahhhhh a gay on the loose



    what's the capital of thailand

    Bangkok, followed by a kick in the balls



    Do you cry when your dad rides you in the ass

    no

    ahahahahahahah


    The first joke to me seems of a new-ish breed. I only heard that one a few years ago.


    One I recall went like this:

    Boy 1: If your hand is bigger [sic] than your face you've got cancer!

    Boy 2: Really?! [Cue Boy 2 testing out the claim by putting hand to face]

    Boy 1: [Shoves the measuring hand of Boy 2 into his face]...and probably roars "Ehhh, you don't have cancer.."


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