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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • #3032
    Kevin the Kid
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭Kevin the Kid


    Did you hear about the two gay ghosts ?
    They put the willys up each other : )


  • #3033
    Taajsgpm
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 65 ✭✭Taajsgpm


    JackKelly wrote: »
    Well, in my opinion, one line jokes are the funniest of most jokes,so i was thinking, maybe i should try make a list. As you can never really find funny jokes on webpages, i thought that there would be more sucess on boards.ie! So anyone got any? You know the type im talking about.From ridiculos ones, to the tommy cooper type ones. I suppose i can give a few:

    Stupid?
    "Why'd the boy fall off his bike?
    Cuz someone threw a fridge at him"
    "Why did the plane crash?
    Cuz the pilot was a loaf of bread"
    "Why did the girl fall off the swing?
    B'cuz she was dead"

    (yea, they are stupid but dont say you didn't laugh)

    TC
    "I rang up my local swimming pool the other day and asked, "Is this the local swimming pool?" "depends where you live", he said.

    Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

    A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

    "Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."

    Dunno if i should post the offensive ones

    LOLOLOL "the pilot was a loaf of bread " wow that hit me good thanks


  • #3034
    Taajsgpm
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 65 ✭✭Taajsgpm


    TUTS wrote: »
    What has two legs and bleeds ?

    Half a dog.

    :p


    Why do seagulls have wings ?

    To beat the Knackers to the dump.

    I like the half a dog LOL


  • #3035
    rustymetal
    Registered Users Posts: 29 ✭rustymetal


    Do you know what I can't get over
    A 20 foot wall


    Do you know what I don't understand
    Chinese writing


  • #3036
    dinneenp
    Registered Users Posts: 8,099 ✭✭✭dinneenp


    How do you get holy water?
    You boil the hell out of it.


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  • #3037
    DuMorph
    Closed Accounts Posts: 169 ✭✭DuMorph


    A horse walks into a bar.
    The barman says "Is this a f****** joke?"


  • #3038
    gozunda
    Registered Users Posts: 18,996 ✭✭✭✭gozunda


    A horse runs into a bar ...

    The rider says - ffs did I not teach you how to jump!


  • #3039
    donegal_man
    Registered Users Posts: 5,700 ✭✭✭donegal_man


    The Sun has reinstated the page 3 girls following complaints that readers were suffering from mammary loss


  • #3040
    Fresh Pots
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,234 ✭✭✭Fresh Pots


    Thinking of making a custom phone rom aimed at farmers. Going to call it Silagenmod!


  • #3041
    RichieO
    Registered Users Posts: 320 ✭✭RichieO


    When Mary realised she was in the club, al she could say was "OMG, OMG"..... Joseph said, "well I never, OMG OMG"


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  • #3042
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 32,983 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34. Ready or not, here I come!

    Fibonacci Hide and Sequence...

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • #3043
    Plazaman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,012 ✭✭✭Plazaman


    My ultra religious neighbour told me she always prays for starving children in Africa. I told her it must be working as there's fcukin millions of them.


  • #3044
    jester77
    Registered Users Posts: 11,262 ✭✭✭✭jester77


    What's 4 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives a woman crazy?

    Answer


  • #3045
    SuperGrover
    Registered Users Posts: 990 ✭✭✭SuperGrover


    My mate bought a dog off a blacksmith yesterday. Said when he took it home it made a bolt for the door.


  • #3046
    Ken Shamrock
    Registered Users Posts: 3,192 ✭✭✭Ken Shamrock


    Why was the washing machine laughing?

    It was taking the piss out of the knickers.


  • #3047
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 32,983 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    I child-proofed the house, but somehow they still keep getting in...

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • #3048
    fobster
    Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭fobster


    What do you call a group of bridges?
    Jeff!


  • #3049
    Jim Gazebo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,355 ✭✭✭Jim Gazebo


    What do you call a Spanish streaker?

    Senor Willy

    What do you call a Spanish man who lost his car?

    Carlos!

    What washes up on tiny beaches??

    Micro-waves!!!


  • #3050
    RichieO
    Registered Users Posts: 320 ✭✭RichieO


    What do you call a guy who don't give a feck? feckless...


  • #3051
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,234 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Two nails have been working 12-hour shifts on a building site, all week. Saturday night they go out and get hammered.


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  • #3052
    XplaygirlX
    Registered Users Posts: 350 ✭✭XplaygirlX


    JackKelly wrote:
    Dunno if i should post the offensive ones


    Gwon :)


  • #3053
    Dozen Wicked Words
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,325 ✭✭✭✭Dozen Wicked Words


    Two Nuns sitting in the bath, one says "wheres the soap", other says "yes it does doesn't it"


  • #3054
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,664 ✭✭✭Worztron


    What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

    Their balls are just for decoration.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • #3055
    mjavi
    Registered Users Posts: 106 ✭✭mjavi


    My wife hated me sing Wonderwall all the time and just told me to stop!

    So I said "Maybe.."


  • #3056
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,664 ✭✭✭Worztron


    One tectonic plated bumped into another..."Sorry my fault".

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • #3057
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,664 ✭✭✭Worztron


    Why did the scarecrow receive a prize?

    Because he was outstanding in his field.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • #3058
    Oblomov
    Registered Users Posts: 9,672 ✭✭✭Oblomov


    Why did the scarecrow receive a prize?

    Because he was outstanding in his field.


    'Kin Brilliant


  • #3059
    XplaygirlX
    Registered Users Posts: 350 ✭✭XplaygirlX


    Life is a lot like toilet paper. You're either on a roll.....or you're taking sh!t from some a**hole


  • #3060
    Fr_Dougal
    Registered Users Posts: 9,167 ✭✭✭Fr_Dougal


    Worztron wrote: »
    What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

    Their balls are just for decoration.

    :mad:


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  • #3061
    cadesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭cadesin


    Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day


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