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Due July 2012 Thread

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,531 ✭✭✭kildareash


    silly wrote: »
    re: the Maternity benefit form, i'm due on July 18th - thinking of taking 2.5 weeks before hand, which will see me finish up at the last week of june (around the same time my daughter gets her school holidays) I am saving up holidays and there will be a few bank holidays to add onto the end also, and as i will not be due back until january, that is a new working year so if i really need to i might take some of my 2013 hols as well, or maybe 1-2 weeks (of the 16 allowed) unpaid...depending on my finances. (which i dont think will be great after christmas...it will be very small presents this year - almost hoping that my 11 year old finds out santa isnt real before this christmas, so she might understand why santa cant bring a big expensive present - is that AWFUL of me???)

    No it doesn't make you awful, I'd say there are a lot of parents hoping the same thing, over the last few years.

    The only bad thing about finishing up the end of June is being back so early in January. I was freaking out about coming back the first week of the new year because I hate working it usually, let alone when I've been off for the last six months and leaving the baby. Hadn't factored in the few bank holidays!

    I managed to carry over a few days from last year and I worked up a few days toil so I've only taken one days annual leave so far. I might take a week off in mid-May, and I'm hoping the company won't make me take all my annual leave before my maternity leave starts. Think it would be better for them to allow me to take it at the end, well in my head it is anyway! I'm kinda not saying too much to my boss about it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,260 ✭✭✭Mink


    Oh jesus maternity benefit forms, it's getting more real again!

    Congrats on your girl Cyning, I can't get over the amount of girls for this month! Tink hope you get an evening to the two of you!

    Well I'm at home again today with my back :( Just couldn't hack it yesterday, kept nearly crying in work. I meant to get out early but too much to do. Spoke to my boss and he brought up the whole maternity leave thing. We've agreed that I'll get back to him latest Oct/Nov re my exact plans, ie; am I definitely coming back, part time/full time etc. That's fair so he can plan. I think this whole back thing is bringing the fact that I'm buggering off for 6 months to the forefront, they may be worried that I'll have to finish up early.

    Anyway, my dote of a husband gave up his lunch break to go get me that maternity support belt (mmm chicken was talking re it earlier) from Mothercare. It's the Nexcare 3m Support Belt. It was 50 euros :eek: but I was desperate. I couldn't even wait to try get one 2nd hand. I put it on last night and have it on now (in my pj's) and I really felt a difference with it. It really does support everything. I hadn't realised how much strain the bump was putting on everything.

    Now I'm not out of the woods yet, going to chiro this morning and will see if she's got more strengthening excersises for me to do. I think I said it earlier but midwife said heatpacks were fine to use.

    I'll report back in a few days re if belt is still working out but for anyone else suffering it may be the way to go. You may as well see if you can get it 2nd hand too. I'm kicking myself because if I'd known about it at the baby fair I could have gotten one for cheaper and not be missing work today!

    Anyone watch those baby shows on Home & Health channel. I may have gotten addicted!! They're so funny as they all seem to have been filmed in the early to mid 90's so the fashion is terrible and everyone's using normal phones, no mobiles haha


  • Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭Saurelin


    I need to use all my annual days prior to maternity leave as my company does not allow to carry them to next year.
    i used few so far but if my boss will finally get someone to cover my leave I will be able to plan how to use them.

    he wants new person to spend at least 4 weeks on training(so someone will have to start no later then mid may) but he actually don't have a candidate yet! and he is looking since mid January !


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Saurelin wrote: »
    I need to use all my annual days prior to maternity leave as my company does not allow to carry them to next year.
    i used few so far but if my boss will finally get someone to cover my leave I will be able to plan how to use them.

    he wants new person to spend at least 4 weeks on training(so someone will have to start no later then mid may) but he actually don't have a candidate yet! and he is looking since mid January !

    Saurelin make sure your bosses like of movement on a replacement doesn't make you miss using your annual leave up! I would be telling him the date you are leaving whether the replacement has 4 weeks training or not :) if he was really looking since mid Jan in this climate there would be no reason not to have a replacement lined up by now...assuming anyone else is willing to work for him...he doesn't sound like the best boss in the world :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,065 ✭✭✭Kash


    Glad your back is feeling better with the belt Mink! It must be such a relief :)

    Saurelin, your boss would want to get a move on in hiring someone! My boss has my maternity cover lined up, but we only need to go through a week of training together.

    Crikey, this maternity benfit thing is doing my head in! (can you tell i'm practicing my my kiddy safe swear words? :p)

    I'm due on the 13th of July - which is a Friday. Assuming that the 2nd of July fits in with the 2 week minimum, thats when i plan to start leave. Adding my 26 weeks, I get to the 31st of December. All good so far. Then adding on the 4 bank holidays, which coincidentaally crosses a 5th bank holiday, so in fact adding another week. Then it starts getting tricky, because my company closes for 2 weeks over the holiday period. I have no idea if I can simply add those on to the end, or not.

    What's worse, is that I am the first person in the Irish office to require maternity leave, so no one has a clue - driving me mad!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭Saurelin



    Saurelin make sure your bosses like of movement on a replacement doesn't mak[e you miss using your annual leave up! I would be telling him the date you are leaving whether the replacement has 4 weeks training or not :) if he was really looking since mid Jan in this climate there would be no reason not to have a replacement lined up by now...assuming anyone else is willing to work for him...he doesn't sound like the best boss in the world :)

    the issue is I have a clause in my contract that I need special permision od board of directors to get more then 5 working days of holiday. and I need my boss signature to pass is to the owner of the company so he can approve.
    and my boss don't want to sign.
    i gived him time till end of next week to decide if he is not happy then I will change the date of my maternity leave and go for holidays after my maternity.

    i notice that recentlly there were only men coming at interviews and Pa is more women job


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Lash my partner keeps going flip everytime I use the alternative :) I do have to get a handle on it but I've told her flip just won't work for me :)

    Re your maternity leave - if the office shuts as in it's not forced annual leave then yes you add it on the end as its not a working time. Technically you would have say 24 weeks of your leave up until the office shuts & then the rest after if that makes sense.
    The last place I worked closed over Xmas & that's what happened for those on maternity. Also like others have mentioned check whether you need to use your annual leave before you leave on maternity.


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Saurelin it's no real surprise that he hasn't got a replacement for you as that's just ridiculous :D you have to get board permission to go on a two week holiday!

    If your boss is refusing to sign the form then he is messing with your ability to take your leave before you have to leave on maternity - I would be getting some advice from citizens information :)

    Any gender can be a PA but it is a more traditional female role!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,531 ✭✭✭kildareash


    Kash wrote: »
    Crikey, this maternity benfit thing is doing my head in! (can you tell i'm practicing my my kiddy safe swear words? :p)

    I'm due on the 13th of July - which is a Friday. Assuming that the 2nd of July fits in with the 2 week minimum, thats when i plan to start leave. Adding my 26 weeks, I get to the 31st of December. All good so far. Then adding on the 4 bank holidays, which coincidentaally crosses a 5th bank holiday, so in fact adding another week. Then it starts getting tricky, because my company closes for 2 weeks over the holiday period. I have no idea if I can simply add those on to the end, or not.

    What's worse, is that I am the first person in the Irish office to require maternity leave, so no one has a clue - driving me mad!

    It is really confusing. And then you have the different requirements of each individual company to deal with also. Our HQ is in England, and I'm trying to look through the two maternity handbooks to make sure they don't get anything extra that we don't!

    If you're unsure of anything maybe try calling your local citizens information office or the SW office.
    Saurelin wrote: »
    the issue is I have a clause in my contract that I need special permision od board of directors to get more then 5 working days of holiday. and I need my boss signature to pass is to the owner of the company so he can approve.
    and my boss don't want to sign.
    i gived him time till end of next week to decide if he is not happy then I will change the date of my maternity leave and go for holidays after my maternity.

    i notice that recentlly there were only men coming at interviews and Pa is more women job

    Don't let him screw you out of your holiday entitlements. Is there anyway that you can send it on to the board without his signature and explain that he wouldn't sign it?
    To be honest, he sounds like a bit of a liability for the company.


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Kildareash you might come across some differences re maternity but they will more than likely be based on differences between UK & Irish entitlements rather than company policy. If your HQ was in the USA they would be getting something like two weeks paid maternity leave which astounds me!

    It can be a pain - for instance if our child was born in the UK my partner would be on the birth cert - here she can't go on birth cert & she has no legal rights to our child whatsoever! So frustrating :rolleyes:

    To me Saurelin your boss sounds like so many dodgy bosses in Ireland & they have only got worse since the recession!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭Saurelin


    Thanks ladies :-)
    i will talk to him again about it on Friday. he is always in better mood before weekend.

    i just had lunch and I'm so sleepy now

    tomorrow gtt test and dentist afterward (I lost filling ) :-/ But that's mean all day off :-) and hubby is going with me :-)


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,531 ✭✭✭kildareash


    TwoMums2Be wrote: »
    Kildareash you might come across some differences re maternity but they will more than likely be based on differences between UK & Irish entitlements rather than company policy. If your HQ was in the USA they would be getting something like two weeks paid maternity leave which astounds me!

    It can be a pain - for instance if our child was born in the UK my partner would be on the birth cert - here she can't go on birth cert & she has no legal rights to our child whatsoever! So frustrating :rolleyes:

    To me Saurelin your boss sounds like so many dodgy bosses in Ireland & they have only got worse since the recession!

    Stop, I was getting jealous reading the Uk handbook...free dental care, free prescriptions, lots more benefits than we get! It was the company policy I was looking for, as we seem to be the poor relation over here!

    Can you not even make her the legal guardian? That's a joke, The law needs to catch up with the 21st century, fast!


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭cyning


    The maternity leave form is an absolute balls to fill out: I rang them earlier because it was wrecking my head between my being sick etc: I have been out sick now since the 8th November :eek: So my employer ust has to stick a note on the side of the form and that will solve it all :)

    Also as an aside I'm due the 8th July but I can start my maternity from the 2nd July: if you ring them up they can tell you. It's something to do with the 8th July been in one week and then it only has to be the week before? So the 2nd July-31st December and then with holidays and bank holidays etc. According to the lovely lady in the maternity benefit section anyway!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    kildareash wrote: »
    Stop, I was getting jealous reading the Uk handbook...free dental care, free prescriptions, lots more benefits than we get! It was the company policy I was looking for, as we seem to be the poor relation over here!

    Can you not even make her the legal guardian? That's a joke, The law needs to catch up with the 21st century, fast!

    That's what we get for rebelling against being taken over all them years ago ;) yep the NHS is great - there is plenty to give out about but it's great to be able to go to the doc & not have to worry about the cost etc! You can also get tested for anything you need & not get the unless someone in your family has been diagnosed we won't test you that goes on here :rolleyes:

    I can make her the guardian in my will for if anything happens to me but I don't think (I must confirm that) I can make her a legal guardian without giving up my rights...a child can only have one mother legally!
    We are going to get a document drawn up that my parents will sign stating that they acknowledge my partner as our child's other parent - it has no legal standing but shows evidence of our family structure :) we are also double barrelling our surnames so that babs will have both our names. Again just to help with things like travel, doctors, school etc as my partner is not officially a parent :rolleyes: Another reason we are having our shotgun wedding as its another indicator that we are the family we are :)

    We are hoping that the children's referendum will look at the many children of same-gender couples that do not have rights to both their parents but it won't surprise me if they get conveniently left off the list! We also hope that full civil marriage will exist for all which would resolve some of the many issues!

    Hopefully we might be able to get our daughter a British passport (my partner is British) so at least she can travel on a passport that states both her parents as her parents :)

    It's a minefield but if we waited for Ireland to catch up with reality we would never had a family :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Just an update - that's a definite no on guardianship under current legislation.

    It's also looking less likely that we will be able to get British passport!

    Such a pain :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭cyning


    Twomumstobe that really sucks: it drives me absolutely mad how legislation takes so long to catch up with reality.

    At least your parents will sign that etc: its awful thinking about worst case scenarios but sometimes you have to.

    I'm waiting for chips to cook to have chips and gravy mmm


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,260 ✭✭✭Mink


    It's just disgusting that there is no legal way for your partner to be named guardian. We really are behind. I mean for god's sake we're in 2012 and same sex couples still can't have a weddings!

    And never even mind all that, dad's rights in this country are awful too. They can really get left behind if the mother has so much as an inclination to cut him out. The system can be extremely unfair. Plus we are the only country in EU that don't give official paternity leave. Even the UK has something like 3 days. The rights given to parents, whether bio dad's or same sex partners is just shocking.

    Right I'm going to stop now as I can feel my blood pressure going up :D

    Went well at chiro today, feel more relief. She said use the support belt for now while recovering but that I need to wean myself off it and strengthen the muscles needed for good posture. Otherwise the little muscle I do have will be jelly and I'll have all sorts of problems after the birth.

    She had her baby at 31 weeks (5 weeks from now for me :eek:) and I asked her does she know what brought it on and she said stress. Her OH went on a week long trip and she ran their business on her own for that time. Now she wanted him to go on the trip as it was the last time he could do it before baby comes. But it really stressed her out and she went into labour a few days later. Baby's perfect now obviously. It's interesting because when I get a bit upset or stressed or in pain over my back, it definitely brings on more pain and slightly more braxton hicks stuff.

    But a guess it's a word to the wise, don't sweat the small stuff, let's make our lives as easy as possible, accept help offered, don't take on too much, rest and be happy and positive. Well I'm going to try think like this from now on and just be easy on myself and make myself happy.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,260 ✭✭✭Mink


    cyning wrote: »
    I'm waiting for chips to cook to have chips and gravy mmm

    This is making me hungry and I'm only after eating a massive BLT, bag of hunky dorys and a small bag of minstrels. Feel like a pig but it was so good!

    OH now keeps a constant supply of little cupcakes, fairy cakes in the house as I'm so addicted.

    Having said all that I am still being good in other ways and eating veg and fish!


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Thanks Cyning :)
    Yep it's an unfortunate side effect of being gay :p that you have to deal with backward legislation :) In saying that we have had pretty much nothing but positivity with regards to our impending arrival :D

    Hopefully, the legislation will catch up sooner rather than later but you are right we are lucky that we have parents who support us :)

    It's not great to have to think of worst case scenarios but sometimes you just have to & we have talked about all sorts of scenarios :D

    We will do everything we can & update as the law catches up. My partner signed a form at our fertility clinic stating she was the intended second parent to any successful pregnancy so we have documentary evidence from before our child was conceived :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,260 ✭✭✭Mink


    TwoMums2Be wrote: »
    It's not great to have to think of worst case scenarios but sometimes you just have to & we have talked about all sorts of scenarios :D

    I was thinking re this as well. Because we rent, we don't have automatic life insurance that you would with a house. So thinking about taking out a policy, also writing up a will.

    I know it all seems very morbid but my parents passed quite young and a) no one could find an original of the will - only copies, b) it was written before I was born so only my sisters names in it, c) they hadn't completed paperwork on my mum's divorce to her first husband which was gotten in UK so her first husband could have gotten everything (he's not like that). Anyway it was all an awful mess to sort out when you're grieving and resulted in a lot of our intended inheritance lining the pockets of revenue due to some of the above paperwork issues.

    So I've always said I'd get all that stuff done & out of the way so that we don't have to worry about it as a family (such as referring to future children in the will etc)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Oh Mink don't let it stress you :) I don't let it stress me & it's my life ;)

    What gets me most is a straight couple who need a sperm donor - the male goes on the birth certificate just because he is male. He has no more biological connection to his child than my partner but because she is female she isn't recognised :rolleyes:

    Not to worry - the legality won't change the fact that she is already & will be a wonderful mother to our little girl :)

    But you are right unmarried fathers have few automatic rights in this country although with a compliant mother at least they can apply for rights & go on birth certs, passports etc :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Mink wrote: »
    I was thinking re this as well. Because we rent, we don't have automatic life insurance that you would with a house. So thinking about taking out a policy, also writing up a will.

    So I've always said I'd get all that stuff done & out of the way so that we don't have to worry about it as a family (such as referring to future children in the will etc)

    Mink we are the same re renting so need to sort out life assurance/insurance asap especially as my partner is our only wage earner at the moment :)

    We have to have a will in place for the reasons mentioned before :) something that was mentioned to us is that it is good to have a couple of guardian options in case your preferred set are no longer around, together or able to be guardians if the need arises in the future.
    For those of you not married it's important to know that getting wed will invalidate your will unless your intention to marry is included in your unmarried will - same for civil partnerships :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,722 ✭✭✭silly


    My friend, who's a photgographer has been onto me about getting some before and after pics done!!
    Looking at doing something like this:
    What do ye think!?


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    silly wrote: »
    My friend, who's a photgographer has been onto me about getting some before and after pics done!!
    Looking at doing something like this:
    What do ye think!?

    We are thinking of doing something - photo or belly cast :)
    I prefer the side on shot in some ways but love the babies face on the front on shot :D personally I like the naked belly shots if they are done well...I studied photography so I might try setting up something myself or rope in a friend - not sure I want to expose myself to just anyone :) & I can airbrush myself ;)
    I ain't no gok wan prodigy :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 79 ✭✭trions


    Cyning: congratulations - you must be so excited!!

    Kildareash: was just in Dunnes they have the long sleeved vests u were looking for, there just plain white in packs of three - i just bought short sleeved ones, do u think we will need long sleeved ones too?

    two mums- it must be so frustrating that our laws are so backward - hopefully our legislation will catch up soon: main thing is you're little girl will be born into a family with two loving parents...

    tinkerbell: hope you're feeling better, I can barely look after myself at the moment so can only imagine what it's like with 4 smallies already... the girls are right, pull in child minding favours form any one you can and try to take some time for yourself.

    Saurlin - your boss sounds like a pain. hope you have better luck with him on friday, but at the end of the day you are legally entitled to you annual leave and your maternity leave and he is responsible for for getting your job covered, if he doesn't have cover by the time u leave it' his problem not yours - so don't let him stress u out...

    Off today so spent the afternoon shopping for hospital bag, have you all bought newborn or 0-3 mths in vests/ babygrows? Both hubby and I (and both families) are quite tall so I figure our baby will be long like my nephews, so just got 0-3 mths- should I get a few newborn things just incase????
    Baby brain struck again: just got back to the car with bags of shopping as traffic warden was putting a ticket on it - completely forgot to pay for parking :confused: (eventhough I was parked right beside pay & display machine) Stuck the bump out as far as I could and apologised profusely so he let me away with it!


  • Registered Users Posts: 79 ✭✭trions


    silly wrote: »
    My friend, who's a photgographer has been onto me about getting some before and after pics done!!
    Looking at doing something like this:
    What do ye think!?

    Silly - you should do - they're fab, it's a really lovely idea (which I might have to steal!);)


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 13,425 ✭✭✭✭Ginny


    Oh Silly I love those pics, have to find someone whos good to do them for me though!! :D
    Twomums that's ridiculous,the law is an ass, did hear right that there is not going to be a childrens rights referendum now? Also the government aren't budging on the poor women who are told their babies are incompatible to life. They will still have to carry to full term here or pay themselves to go to England...:( so sad.

    I've been quite ill this week, thought it as a stomach bug, but now I'm worried it's just all day morning sickness? I ate 2 slices of toast on Monday and threw up, didn't keep anything else down. Yesterday I managed to keep down some toast and a handful of chips. Today I thought I was better until I ate, had some toast, and then for lunch I had 1/4 of a roll with some chicken and I'm dying again. I've no appetite at all either :(
    I'm trying to keep myself hydrated too but I just seem to be so dehydrated!


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Thanks Trions :) the supportive attitude from others including people on here does help :) There is no doubt on this planet that our little girl is very much wanted :D

    Well done getting away with your baby brain malfunction & not getting a ticket :)

    We haven't bought a single newborn item yet - I would wait until nearer the arrival as they should be able to give you an idea on size so you can judge then if you need any newborn :) tesco newborn is bigger than most if my memory is right so you could look at those if you want to get some early!


  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Thanks Ginny :)

    It is pretty crappy in so many areas :rolleyes:
    I don't know if the children's rights referendum has been cancelled - will have to look into that but it would be typical of this country & it's attitude to children's rights in general!

    I have no appetite at all these days - I'm having sausages & rashers for dinner as its the only thing that's appealing to me right now!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 776 ✭✭✭TwoMums2Be


    Oh & Cyning a huge congrats on your little girl :) you must have been delighted to finally find out! I have been meaning to say since you posted but it's a case of trying to remember if I've fed the dog or not these days :D


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