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What should i do?

  • 20-01-2008 12:14am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am really upset the story is this bloke I fancy and I know he fancies me too; the thing is he has lied twice about not having a girlfriend. First time we hung out he said he did but I didn’t really pay attention, a week after that we are having drinks and during the conversation I say “I thought you had a gf” and he replied “no am single”. During the week we were hanging out again and he starts to kiss me then I say “don’t you have a gf” he goes no I am single so we make out (no sex).
    And today I find out that he really has a gf, I am so PISSED off. Like WTF? I thought the world of him, like not just because I fancied him but he’s a sound bloke. We have a lot in common, and I would have been fine with being friends even though I fancied him but with this I wonder what other lies he’s told me as well.
    My friend thinks I should confront him and cut off all contact with him but I think that’s OTT because it’s not like we went on dates or anything. We were just hanging out, like when you make new friends and are getting to know each other. So now the question is do I confront him or do I just pretend like nothing ever happened?


Comments

  • #2
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,071 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Down to brass tacks. Forget yourself and your relationship with this guy for the moment. At first you were ignorant of his situation. Now you're not. He has a girlfriend. He has betrayed her trust. Knowing what you know of his relationship, to continue to see this guy with any physical stuff going on and you will betray her trust too. Trust one thing, on the basis of what has happened, he will betray your trust too. This is simple stuff. What you do next is up to you.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #3
    MIN2511
    Registered Users Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Down to brass tacks. Forget yourself and your relationship with this guy for the moment. At first you were ignorant of his situation. Now you're not. He has a girlfriend. He has betrayed her trust. Knowing what you know of his relationship, to continue to see this guy with any physical stuff going on and you will betray her trust too. Trust one thing, on the basis of what has happened, he will betray your trust too. This is simple stuff. What you do next is up to you.
    Totally agree, human beings are weird like that. You can be friends but make sure he knows how you feel about the situation. It's hard!


  • #4
    takola
    Registered Users Posts: 4,138 ✭✭✭takola


    qwerty12345678 wrote: »
    I am really upset the story is this bloke I fancy and I know he fancies me too; the thing is he has lied twice about not having a girlfriend. First time we hung out he said he did but I didn’t really pay attention, a week after that we are having drinks and during the conversation I say “I thought you had a gf” and he replied “no am single”. During the week we were hanging out again and he starts to kiss me then I say “don’t you have a gf” he goes no I am single so we make out (no sex).
    And today I find out that he really has a gf, I am so PISSED off. Like WTF? I thought the world of him, like not just because I fancied him but he’s a sound bloke. We have a lot in common, and I would have been fine with being friends even though I fancied him but with this I wonder what other lies he’s told me as well.
    My friend thinks I should confront him and cut off all contact with him but I think that’s OTT because it’s not like we went on dates or anything. We were just hanging out, like when you make new friends and are getting to know each other. So now the question is do I confront him or do I just pretend like nothing ever happened?

    Fair enough your never went out or anything. But the fact is you asked him on 3 seperate occasions if he had a girlfriend and all of those three times he's lied straight to your face without batting an eyelid. I'd be pretty pissed myself. I wouldn't bother looking for him or texting or anything. But if he came over to me when I was out again I would tell him exactly where he can go.

    Starting anything would be straight off the cards for me anyway, He has a girlfriend. He's lied straight to your face early on so you know he's more than capable of it. Just leave well enough alone or you'll end up having your head wrecked OP.


  • #5
    St Bill
    Registered Users Posts: 515 ✭✭✭St Bill


    qwerty12345678 wrote: »
    I thought the world of him, like not just because I fancied him but he’s a sound bloke.


    He's not a sound bloke, he's lying to you and he's treating his girlfriend like dirt. Get away from him fast.


  • #6
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,071 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    MIN2511 wrote: »
    Totally agree, human beings are weird like that. You can be friends but make sure he knows how you feel about the situation. It's hard!
    I dunno, it is and it isn't. Mostly people make things hard for themselves and then end up blaming fate, or others. Rarely themselves.

    This is a classic one. The OP if she continued to "see" him would likely be back here whining 6 months or a year later after the guy cheated on her, blaming him of course. The simple solution is to nip this in the bud before it starts.

    Do not be friends with him. You can't be friends when there is an ulterior motive unless the definition of friendship has changed when I wasn't looking. He has an ulterior motive, he wants to get into your knickers. You also are tempted to let him, girlfriend notwithstanding. If you weren't tempted this would not be a personal issue to you. He would have been told to go away. End of.

    Do not use the excuse of being friends with him, to keep him in your life. He's a disloyal muppet and if you jump his bones, you will be too and indeed worse as you watched it happen to you. Indeed if you do you'll confirm that line from "As good as it gets",
    Secretary: How do you write women so well?
    Jack Nicholson: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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  • #7
    pookie82
    Registered Users Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    The guy is clearly a sh*t. I don't see why you would want anything more to do with him. He's not exactly a valuable friend to you if he's telling porkies to get a bit of action, and he obviously treats his girlfriend like crap. You're probably one of a long list of girls he's lied to to have a bit of fun. If you want to remain his bit on the side then nothing we say will persuade you otherwise I'm sure, but you can't say you're not going into it eyes wide open.

    Also, you fear making a big issue out of it cos you guys didn't go on a "date or anything". So casual scoring is just another way of getting to know one another now, is it?? Come on, you know to stay away from this. Ignore him from now on if you want to do the most sensible thing in the circumstances.


  • #8
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    I need some context. How old are ye?


  • #9
    Balmed Out
    Registered Users Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭Balmed Out


    Ignore him. If hes the type to do that then all paying him any attention will do is massage his ego.


  • #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks guys for all your responses

    I am 24 and he is 28, we talked about it today (I confronted hum) and we decided to go our separate ways. Too attracted to each other to stay friends, and there is the trust thing too. I found out she's the ex/current (they were trying to work things out). Unfortunately things are not going well, so they would remain exes. Even with that I am still going to walk out, not sure of what I want tbh.


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