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Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
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LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!
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You are welcome, Ive said it before, I feel good sometimes, if anything I write is any help to anybody (although I feel bad because I always write long winded posts and prob bore many!Roger Sterling;79534507]Thanks for the long and detailed reply. I suppose the getting married one is less an issue than the children thing. In a way I had grouped them all together into this huge "task" that I was happy to postpone mentally until a point further down the line. I do that a lot even with the simplest of tasks a lot, I build them up in my head into something awful and then do all in my poer to avoid them and put them off. Part of me is scared I suppose, part of me also finds trusting others very hard after the way I was brought up. But ultimately when faceed with the direct question of why I would be opposed to marriage - I can't really give a good answer. maybe that in itself is a good sign, maybe I needed this row to happen to finally realise what I do really want.....
).I think the bolded part is good advice too. I often try to talk about things when we row and I feel like in my head I know what I want to say but when I try to say it I either get upset by a response or get side tracked into some other argument that detracts from my overall point.
Thanks a million again for taking the time to post. I'm sorry you don't feel great today - you should know that I am very touched that you'd take the time to share your experience. You have definitely helped me out and given me some food for thought - you're a good man and you should feel some pride and satisfaction in doing a fellow human being some good today. Its nice to talk to someone who gets it. I wish you and your familyevery luck and happiness that you deserve.
I will be honest with you and say that I was in my office (behind my house) and ready to burst into tears as I wrote to you. Not because I was upset writing it, but I was at that stage I get where I just feel like I cant go on like this (not in a suicidal way, just a "im so tired feelin like this" way). .
Myself and my wife had been sort of co-existing for the last few days (I know she is worn out knackered at the moment) and we had been just passing one another (not fighting, but not engaging much) by in the house. I had been feeling worse and worse the last few days until today it just was consuming me. As such, I felt I didnt have the energy to deal with "are we fighting?" and "I feel down", so I just said nothing.
She came into the office (cause she knew I was really down) and I just started to read a bit of your post (cause I can relate to alot of it) and I just started to cry. She came over and gave me a hug and we talked a little about how I might help pick myself up (she knows there are no golden bullets). I went into the kitchen, made myself a sambo, gave both my children a huge hug (they are none the wiser), spent a bit of time talking to my wife (I have a tendancy to rush back to work - go go go, but have been trying to take "stops").
Now I feel refreshed, cup of coffee helped boost me aswell (although sometimes a cup of coffee can make me feel worse when Im already anxious). Im really trying to learn to say what I think, because I find it eats me up inside, trying to work out everything and everybody. I honestly believe that having the cry and even just saying to my wife that I feel really down, was nearly enough. . Just knowing that she knows Im not feeling great is enough for now (I can never seem to put everything into words, but this will do!).
Hope that means something to you . .PS I wonder where I could get a rabbit from?:)
I remember having a similar discussion with my sister (who also suffers from depression) and she said "I dont want a rabbit". . I just said to her, "You dont have a to have a rabbit, try to find your Jinxie" (rabbits name) . . I dont think theres any harm is trying to find something that is innocent, that makes you feel better about yourself, that helps build up your self confidence/worth, that doesnt make you feel guilty once its not putting anybody out.0 -
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You are welcome, Ive said it before, I feel good sometimes, if anything I write is any help to anybody (although I feel bad because I always write long winded posts and prob bore many!).
I will be honest with you and say that I was in my office (behind my house) and ready to burst into tears as I wrote to you. Not because I was upset writing it, but I was at that stage I get where I just feel like I cant go on like this (not in a suicidal way, just a "im so tired feelin like this" way). .
Myself and my wife had been sort of co-existing for the last few days (I know she is worn out knackered at the moment) and we had been just passing one another (not fighting, but not engaging much) by in the house. I had been feeling worse and worse the last few days until today it just was consuming me. As such, I felt I didnt have the energy to deal with "are we fighting?" and "I feel down", so I just said nothing.
She came into the office (cause she knew I was really down) and I just started to read a bit of your post (cause I can relate to alot of it) and I just started to cry. She came over and gave me a hug and we talked a little about how I might help pick myself up (she knows there are no golden bullets). I went into the kitchen, made myself a sambo, gave both my children a huge hug (they are none the wiser), spent a bit of time talking to my wife (I have a tendancy to rush back to work - go go go, but have been trying to take "stops").
Now I feel refreshed, cup of coffee helped boost me aswell (although sometimes a cup of coffee can make me feel worse when Im already anxious). Im really trying to learn to say what I think, because I find it eats me up inside, trying to work out everything and everybody. I honestly believe that having the cry and even just saying to my wife that I feel really down, was nearly enough. . Just knowing that she knows Im not feeling great is enough for now (I can never seem to put everything into words, but this will do!).
Hope that means something to you . .
I remember having a similar discussion with my sister (who also suffers from depression) and she said "I dont want a rabbit". . I just said to her, "You dont have a to have a rabbit, try to find your Jinxie" (rabbits name) . . I dont think theres any harm is trying to find something that is innocent, that makes you feel better about yourself, that helps build up your self confidence/worth, that doesnt make you feel guilty once its not putting anybody out.
It is actually amazing how little things can make a difference. When I woke up this morning the way my mind works I was already worrying about what would happen if me and my girlfriend broke up - who would take the car, etc etc. All the worst case scenario stuff that flies through my mind in harder times.
Then I text her at lunchtime about something and she rang me and we had a conversation for even five minutes. We didn't really discuss the row or anything, but I did tell her that I love her so much and that we will try to talk later and see where we are at. Just hearing her voice and just from putting my thoughts down on the screen here and chatting to her makes me more optimistic. I can't be a victim of my past to such an extent that it prevents me moving on. Maybe there's room for both my counselling and a life with my partner in my immediate future? I have to stop telling myself I can't do things all the time or that they'll be too hard and bing afraid all the time. This wonderful woman is offering me love and a life with her - whats there to be afraid of?
I'm glad to hear you feel a little better anyway Drumpot, you really have given me some sound advice and food for thought, so if your mood dips later just remember that you helped somone out today.:)
I think you are dead right as well about saying what you think. A big problem I have is believing that what I say isn't important and doesn't deserve to be heard ( a legacy of being badly treated in the past agaqin I think). I'm often afraid to say whats on my mind or confide it in others. I think teh key is working on realising you are an important person and that there are people who love you and really want and indeed ned to hear what you have to say.0 -
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grindelwald wrote: »Bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, had day had day bad day bad day bad day...
Nit good not good not good.
Hope you're okay....did anything particular go wrong? 0 -
grindelwald wrote: »Bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, had day had day bad day bad day bad day...
Nit good not good not good. Hope you're okay....did anything particular go wrong?
One of life's many hurdles. 0 -
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Does anyone listen to weird songs when they get depressed?
I'm getting a bit better now, but throughout my darkest days, of virtually being suicidal and attempting suicide (which I did once) I listened to this old song from the 80s that my Dad liked. I don't know much about the 80s as it was before my time but I kept listening to this song, and all I honesty I think it made more SURE of suicide when listening last week. But I can't help it, I love listening to it. :P
Do you think this song is good for when you are ultra depressed or I am crazy for listening to it? It appears I am. What songs do you all listen to when you are at your darkest moments (even if the song helps you or makes it worse).
Maybe that song wasn't a good idea?0 -
ThomasFlynn wrote: »Does anyone listen to weird songs when they get depressed?
I'm getting a bit better now, but throughout my darkest days, of virtually being suicidal and attempting suicide (which I did once) I listened to this old song from the 80s that my Dad liked. I don't know much about the 80s as it was before my time but I kept listening to this song, and all I honesty I think it made more SURE of suicide when listening last week. But I can't help it, I love listening to it. :P
When I'm ultra-depressed, I listen to The Smiths, and then I realise that there are other in the same position as me. A lot of 80s music was particularly depressing (The Smiths, The Cure) but it was uplifting in another way because it spoke the truth. The lyrics for "How Soon Is Now" are particularly relevant:...
I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
There's a club if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home and you cry
And you want to die
...
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I read a bit of that digitalspy thread, and it seems that that's not the first time you've talked about your virginity/anxiety on that site, you've also created a thread here on boards.ie and talked about it in numerous other threads including this one. To be frank, Thomas, I think you're obsessing too much over the issue. It seems as though loosing your virginity is becoming one of your core concerns. That, from the outset, is far from healthy mindset. Have you how you feel on this issue (your virginity) with your counsellor?
Yeah I started it because I just wanted more opinions on the issue, I've never spoken about it ever before so chatting on the internet about it numerous times has made me feel open about it for the first time. I've had numerous conversations about it now on here and digitalspy and I found it suprising/reasurring to number of people who say not to worry, its fine, you will find a life parter, a lot of women don't care.
The more I read it the more confident I become and reassured so in that sense its nice.
My virginity is one of my issues, not my only issue, but one of them. You've known what I've thought about reading dating websites like plenty of fish and the polls that have shown 60% of women would refuse to date a male virgin over 30 etc.
But I'm not as obsessed with it as I was a few weeks ago, even since that thread started, its just my social life in general and thinking I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life.
But discussing online with decent helpful has got into my head a bit more that maybe I'm not that weird and I can solve these problems. So please don't get annoyed about me starting the thread over and over again, I was just doing it to get as many opinions as possible and become reassured about it, which I am beginning for the first time.
I've spoken to both my GP and Counsellor.
The GP said he's never heard anything as daft as "never had a girlfriend by 25, you'll never have one" he looked at me as if I had two heads when I said that. :eek:
Counsellor (female) not to worry about it, not all girls care, some girls might even find that an attraction she said. :eek: But that I don't have it stapled on my forehead and that I could read books for help and hints for sex etc.0 -
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I'm glad you're feeling better about it. But remember for the future to consider the demographic of a particular website/forum when using it. Websites with a younger demographic will see the world relative to their age. For example, I see answers on Yahoo! Answers all the time that are just mindbogglingly naive, mainly because it's full of teenagers. If you went to a more mature forum (hard to find, I know) you'll get more informed and reasonable answers. Boards.ie is good but the demographic is still quite young.ThomasFlynn wrote: »Yeah I started it because I just wanted more opinions on the issue, I've never spoken about it ever before so chatting on the internet about it numerous times has made me feel open about it for the first time. I've had numerous conversations about it now on here and digitalspy and I found it suprising/reasurring to number of people who say not to worry, its fine, you will find a life parter, a lot of women don't care.ThomasFlynn wrote: »My virginity is one of my issues, not my only issue, but one of them. You've known what I've thought about reading dating websites like plenty of fish and the polls that have shown 60% of women would refuse to date a male virgin over 30 etc.
As I said before, it depends on the demographic of the people who answered that poll. I think that poll was on AH, if I'm not mistaken, so the majority of the people who answered would have been between, say, 18 and 22. I think that most women with half a brain would go for someone who'd be able to satisfy their emotions and not just satisfy them bed. Also women are a lot more possessive (for use of a better word) of their virginity than men are. Men just want to get rid of it for fear of being judged but it's a stupid mindset really.ThomasFlynn wrote: »But I'm not as obsessed with it as I was a few weeks ago, even since that thread started, its just my social life in general and thinking I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life.
Well I think you know where the problem lies now. I think you're starting to realise that you have to build up the self-esteem and confidence before you go in the deep end, so to speak. Worrying about loosing your virginity is just putting the cart before the horse and it won't solve your overall problems.ThomasFlynn wrote: »But discussing online with decent helpful has got into my head a bit more that maybe I'm not that weird and I can solve these problems. So please don't get annoyed about me starting the thread over and over again, I was just doing it to get as many opinions as possible and become reassured about it, which I am beginning for the first time.
There are lots of people out there like you and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
From a very young age people are given a false view of how life works; you go to school, make friends, get a girlfriend/boyfriend, get a degree, get a job, start saving away your pension, buy a house in the suburbs with a dog and a cat, a nice patio and decking, get married, have kids, work for 40/50 years, then get your pension and wait in the nursing home to die.
The reality is that this is a manufacture view of society and, really, it belittles life; society belittles the value of life. If you diverge even slightly from this manufactured worldview, people somehow perceive you as weird and of less value. The fact is, a majority of people don't exactly fit this worldview. Many of society's problems don't stem from individuals who don't fit the plan but from society inability to recognise diversity. So the fact that you think you're weird isn't your flaw but society's flaw.
You're evidently a very smart guy with a degree in engineering behind you and now contemplating starting medicine or dentistry. Look at the people who've singled you out in the past, who bullied you and called you weird. What have they achieved in life? If all they can take pride in is the fact that they've played by society's rules and done what society expected of them, then I question if they've achieved much; it's easy to follow rules. You've probably accomplished a lot more than they have.
So what I'm trying to get at here is that society is irrational. What's the rush in loosing your virginity? Does that make sense at all? It doesn't, it's irrational and if society will judge you for being a virgin then society is irrational. Would you trust something that is irrational? I wouldn't. So question these little things all the time and think if they're really going to benefit you in the long run. Do what you think is best for you not what society thinks is best for you.ThomasFlynn wrote: »I've spoken to both my GP and Counsellor.
The GP said he's never heard anything as daft as "never had a girlfriend by 25, you'll never have one" he looked at me as if I had two heads when I said that. :eek:
Counsellor (female) not to worry about it, not all girls care, some girls might even find that an attraction she said. :eek: But that I don't have it stapled on my forehead and that I could read books for help and hints for sex etc.
I think the counsellor was right. I think lots of women would like the idea of being a man's first as would a lot of men like the idea of being a woman's first.0 -
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One of my all time favourates . .
Really down right now . .0 -
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyfu_mU-dmo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUMh8GQnDW8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzxJ5YvYfx4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCFYq3qJ1zE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT6hv9JFG2YAdvertisement