Leaving Cert taking over my brother.

IncognitoX · 23-11-2014 7:15pm

It's already been mentioned but things only get harder once you get into Medicine, so it's very important that this is sorted now as it's not something that will go away if/when he gets into Medicine.

futuremedic19 · 23-11-2014 7:23pm

Macavity. wrote: »

Okay, my brother is doing the Leaving Cert. this year. He wants to do medicine so naturally enough he is studying a lot. At the start of the school year, he sold most of his stuff - PS3, games, movies, guitar etc.. as he says they are all distractions. He also broke up with his girlfriend for the same reason and gave up Hurling.

We thought it was a bit extreme but weren't overly concerned. Now, a few months in and he has completely alienated himself from the world. He doesn't go out with friends or anything and he spends all day in his room studying. His study plan has him studying from 6-8 in the morning and from 5-12 in the evening with a couple of short breaks for food.

I had a week off from college recently and I saw him three times over the entire week. He has put a lock on the door so people won't bother him. He also wants to drop out of school and just do everything at home apart from project work. I was talking to his friend a week ago and he told me he spends all of his time in the library when he's not in class (lunch time, PE).

My parents are worried that this could be very damaging for his health? What do we do?

Hi mate

I completely understand your situation. I was exactly!!! like your brother for the last 2 years, (except I did 5 A levels and I'm from the UK and on a gap year now reapplying for med in ROI and UK)

This was my study schedule:
I was either studying in college or I was at home studying literally all the time. I was doing atleast on average 7-8 hours a day revision at home.
You should really be proud and supportive of your brother that he knows what he wants to do and more importantly of how motivated he is. One thing that really helped me through those 2 years of torture were my family (and teachers) always supporting me

But!!! If your brother continues on like this he WILL!!! burn out during/just before the exams. Trust me my Dad told me the same thing but I ignored him and when exam period came I had my first ever breakdowns/couldn't sleep and I couldn't learn/remember everything I learnt due to stress I put myself under. Plus you will find that as he puts himself under so much stress he will start taking it out on other family members in the form of anger.

Just remember his health is what's most important so if I were u I would perhaps just speak to him from time to time and ask if everythings ok, make sure you get him to eat lots of fruits and veg and get him to go out with you sometimes and he will feel a lot lot better and he will revise better aswell.

Let me know if there's anymore advice u need and I hope it all works out well for you and your brother

0byme75341jo28 · 23-11-2014 7:58pm

Macavity. wrote: »

Thank you for the advice everyone. Unfortunately, things have only gotten worse over the last few days. This morning I got a phone call from my Mam saying that he had told our granny to fuck off! He wouldn't come down for dinner because he was studying. She shouted up "hello" to him and he got very mad, came out of the room and shouted "shut the fuck up". Understandably, she was quite upset. My parents had a big chat with him but he didn't seem to care at all. He's completely changed over the last few months, he used to be such a friendly outgoing person and has never caused much trouble.

That is truly appalling. I'd be extremely worried if my younger brother was exhibiting such behaviour. Is this completely out of character? It's amazing what stress can do to an unstable mind, I'd strongly suggest getting your parents to bring him to a doctor, before it's too late. It's only going to get worse from here on in, you never know what he could do next. It may only be a matter of time before he snaps under the pressure, and hurts himself or someone else. He already appears to be losing his lucidity, which is very worrying. Have you looked into the PLC area any further? My earlier suggestion was greeted with jibes and hostility, but his current situation is clearly having a majorly detrimental effect on his mental health. Here is another course I feel would be appropriate.

My thoughts are with you and yours.

Luke92 · 23-11-2014 8:00pm

Graysen Rancid Broom wrote: »

That is truly appalling. I'd be extremely worried if my younger brother was exhibiting such behaviour. Is this completely out of character? It's amazing what stress can do to an unstable mind, I'd strongly suggest getting your parents to bring him to a doctor, before it's too late. It's only going to get worse from here on in, you never know what he could do next. It may only be a matter of time before he snaps under the pressure, and hurts himself or someone else. He already appears to be losing his lucidity, which is very worrying. Have you looked into the PLC area any further? My earlier suggestion was greeted with jibes and hostility, but his current situation is clearly having a majorly detrimental effect on his mental health. Here is another course I feel would be appropriate.

My thoughts are with you and yours.

Let's hope its not a secretary promoted doctor. They give the worst advice!

happywithlife · 24-11-2014 10:21am

Macavity. wrote: »

Thank you for the advice everyone. Unfortunately, things have only gotten worse over the last few days. This morning I got a phone call from my Mam saying that he had told our granny to fuck off! He wouldn't come down for dinner because he was studying. She shouted up "hello" to him and he got very mad, came out of the room and shouted "shut the fuck up". Understandably, she was quite upset. My parents had a big chat with him but he didn't seem to care at all. He's completely changed over the last few months, he used to be such a friendly outgoing person and has never caused much trouble.

Now is the time for intervention so.
Personally I'd be down to school first thing and suss out how he is getting on there. Next stop would be the gp. I'm not a medic but to me it sounds as if he is suffering from anxiety.
The other thing I'd do, and this is where you step in, is as his brother try and draw him out a bit to suss out if he is taking anything? Given the mood swings I'd be very suspect tbh. It's highly likely he is on something to keep him awake longer to study more. I foolishly tried to burn the candle at both ends during college exams once. Went in to the exam and sat for 20mins and I literally blanked. Don't think I could have written my name. Thank god they weren't finals or anything and I copped myself on. But I know how the temptation is there at your fingertips to source something to "help you through".

Macavity. · 25-11-2014 8:51pm

Thanks for the helpful comments everyone. I was on the phone earlier to my Mum and she said that they have organised a meeting with the school for tomorrow so hopefully that will shed some light. Apparently he kicked my younger sister's rabbit in the face yesterday but he is denying everything, it is a "his word against hers" situation so we're not sure if he did it or not. I will be home at the weekend and will try and suss out if he's on something.

aunt aggie · 25-11-2014 9:49pm

I've been reading this thread for the last few days and I really feel for the position your family is in. While many students get themselves into a tizzy at exam time, the aggression you brothers showing is not normal and its good that you are making the school aware. Could he be taking some kind of medication to improve his focus when revising? OR has he shown signs of anxiety and wanting to have full control of situations before this? Could exam stress be heightening these feelings? I went to school with a student who freaked out if someone touched their books, and this person is studying to be a doctor.

You don't need to answer these questions here but it may help to think on them.

Ultimately he needs to come to terms with the fact that he might not get Medicine and he has to be able to deal with that. There are actually other courses that could get him into Medicine. I recently mentioned NUIGs Biomedical Science course in another thread but they might not be for him either. He needs to learn how to deal with stress and failure.

spurious · 05-12-2014 11:49am

Posts deleted that have dragged this off-topic.
OP. I hope your brother is feeling better now. It's really a mental health issue rather than a LC/educational one.

GarIT · 05-12-2014 11:50am

Graysen Rancid Broom wrote: »

She was trying to cause trouble by saying "hello" to her grandson?

From the scenario given it appears she had already been talking to him. She knew he wasn't coming down and then said hello. Saying hello in the middle of a conversation is looking to make a point in a nasty way. She was giving out that he didn't come down without saying it.

GarIT · 05-12-2014 11:51am

spurious wrote: »

Posts deleted that have dragged this off-topic.
OP. I hope your brother is feeling better now. It's really a mental health issue rather than a LC/educational one.

How is saying that he should be supported rather than fought against off topic?

QueenOfLeon · 05-12-2014 2:47pm

Any further off-topic posts will get a warning. As will arguing about mod decisions on thread.

This is a personal issue rather than a crisis over what course to do so the PLC advice is not really helpful and is dragging the thread into a mess.

If the OP wants more advice on an alternative course they can ask, but for now try keep it to advice that may actually help them at this point...

Macavity, some intervention from his principal or guidance counsellor at school might help to show him that studying 24/7 isn't the way to approach the LC. It sounds like he's going to burn himself out before too long...

LauraaWhelann · 07-12-2014 2:15pm

This happened to me. Not at such serious extremes as your brother but some people did say thats i was "addicted" to the Leaving Cert.

I, like your brother would not listen at the time. If i missed two minutes out of my scheduled study i was convinced that i was costing myself that A1. Its definitely an anxiety type thing. I would punish myself for not studying and i frequently broke down in tears. People who have not gone through this don't understand it. Yes you will understand the stress of the leaving cert, but not the life consuming anxiety that some people experience. Its hard to focus on anything outside of it when all you can think of is it. Your brother may be acting out because he feels as his family are merely distracting him, while really you are just trying to help.

I remember when i had gotten to my worst, my mother and sister had to pull me out of study for the day. They didn't say oh you're studying too much you need to stop, they suggested an alternative. They said why don't we go out for the day and do this or that. As i knew things had gotten bad i agreed and the break actually helped me focus a lot more in the coming days.

Your brothers hostility also probably comes from lack of sleep. He needs at least 8 hours. I remember how i treated my family at the time and its very consistent with how you're describing your brother.

Sure, the leaving cert isn't the be all and end all, but some students become fixated with it. Your brother needs to realise that he is not furthering his studies with all these hours. It truly is a matter of quality, not quantity.

Is he also preparing for the HPAT? maybe thats the reason behind all these hours he is doing?

I gave up all my hobbies too. I would have avoided anything that interfered with my study as much as possible, however i still did go out the odd time.

I did get the points i wanted. But i think maybe it could have been done without so much heartbreak. I can't advise you in what way to make your brother realise this, but he needs to.

I just wanted to let you know that your brother isn't the only one out there who this has happened to. And he will come through it.

Leaving Cert taking over my brother.

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