becoming atheist

There is a thread on here somewhere about the very issue.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056675649

There is some good reading there.

Dockington wrote: »

I was brought up catholic and up until I left home at 18 I went to mass, said my prayers etc. I am turning 30 in a month and I have found that I am gradually becoming less and less spiritual. I have in the last few years realised how ridiculous most of the teachings of religions are. I think I would be closer to agnostic than atheist at the minute but I the way I'm feeling recently that could change. I am questioning more and more. I dont know how I feel about this either.

Im interested to know was it a similar process for any of the posters here or were you always atheist. When you came to the conclusion that there is no higher being or whatever how did you feel about it? Thanks

Hello, Dockington. Similar to yourself, I was brought up catholic and over time (in adulthood) found myself gradually becoming less and less convinced until I reached the point I'm now at, which is closer to agnostic than atheist but the margin between them is very slim. I don't really spend time trying to figure out which of those two camps I'd belong in - for me, one of the greatest liberations no longer believing what I was brought up to believe in offered me was not needing to have an answer either way.

My journey was almost accidental. I started posting on a message board (not boards.ie) a number of years ago, and the board I was initially attracted to was a quirky, bit of nonsense, just for fun board, but there was also a religion board that I used read from time to time. Over time, I developed online friendships with many posters, so when the board I was initially attracted to became unusable due to trolls (the boards weren't moderated) I found myself spending more time reading and posting on the religion board.

It was during this time I learned a lot more about Christianity, there were some excellent posters there - very articulate and well read - and to my great surprise I realised I had actually learned very little about what I'd been brought up to believe in terms of the bible and what it meant when I said "I believe there is a god". Now, looking back, I can't for the life of me remember what I was taught, except very basic stuff. I realised I'd just believed because I'd been told to.

During this time, as my old unquestioned beliefs were finally being questioned, I experienced a time of being frightened by what I was reading, specifically 'going to hell' for not believing, and this pushed me to make a more concerted effort to explore what I truly believed - or, more correctly, what I didn't believe. It was quite an organic change; after a year or so, I reached a point, like you've said in your post, I considered all the religious teachings to be too ridiculous to be believed.

An amazing thing happened then: having suffered from depression for most of my young and early adult life, due to an abusive childhood (and my depression being prolonged and exacerbated by having placed my child for adoption in my early twenties) I had always struggled with finding purpose and meaning in/for my life and regularly wished my life would be over soon. Reaching the point of no longer believing in a god altered my outlook on life - I no longer needed there to be a deep and meaningful reason for existence. Slowly, over time, I found myself becoming happier, more accepting that life 'just is' and the knock on effect of that was that I was able to enjoy it more, just because I'm here until I'm no longer here and I might as well do all I can to make sure I experience as many good things, love as many people as I can (not romantically, well, not only ) and be loved back.

The delicious irony for me was, I'd read so many times that a belief in a god was the pathway to a happier existence, but I found the converse to be true for me.

I wish you all the best in your continued journey, whichever road that leads you down.

somthing that you might want to consider is that agnostic does not mean something between atheist and theist. In fact most atheists and many theists are also agnostic

I was forced into Catholicism fairly late (I was 11 and my parents were trying to get me into a good school). My Mum was Catholic anyway, my dad converted from Anglicism.

Pre-11 years old, there was never really anything religious going on in our house. I don't remember my Mum going to mass, which either means she didn't or she was uber-discreet about it. Sure, the weddings and funerals were church-based and I used to get dragged to mass with various family members if I was visiting at the wrong time, but I was never taught to be religious and certainly never taught to be Catholic.

Come shotgun communion time and we dutifully trooped across to church every Sunday, attended various classes and had nuns over for tea. Throughout it all, I never once bought into the idea of god or the Catholic faith. I was sure we were doing this for political reasons.

As I moved through school, I became fascinated that, for some people, this was real, they actually believed it all. That feeling of fascination has never quite left me. I am always able to be surprised, sometimes daily, at what some people believe.

So I guess since I've been able to think for myself, I've been atheist. I couldn't rule out believing in heaven as a child, or the premise that god is watching to see if you're good or not, but they don't form the basis of mature religious conviction!

Great thread Dockington; Im going through a similar experience as you at the moment, and it's nice to know Im not alone. Im dying to share; ironically it;s my good news

My parents got involved in the church when I was about 4, so in a way it was all I ever knew really. Going to Sunday school, home groups/cell groups/youth club/Christian Union in uni became just what I did. My youngest brother used to cause such a hassle and wouldnt go to church aged about 13, and my other younger brother, stopped going aged about 16... I duly kept going, probably fearful really of what the 'outside' world was like.. I was also lonely tho, but went along with things and got fully involved right up until I hit 22, and went to Oz for a year... that was a wake up call. I had an absolute ball...I just 'lived' to be quite honest, like a normal twenty something. Like a normal human. I did actually go to a church over there at one point just to see; it was actually like a veil being pulled from my eyes; I found it all bonkers. That was the final shove, as there had been things previous that I had just ignored.

It caused a lot of friction in my family, with me being labelled a 'fraud', and family saying 'Id see the light soon', and 'Jesus is waiting' etc. Still get it. I pulled away, and lost contact with the members; probably also because for a time I was a poster girl for how a good young christian woman should be; going on missions, heading up CU, etc. I dated and still do date an athiest, which went down like a lead balloon (darkness and light dont mix you know) and couldnt be happier in my life right now. I geuinely feel saddened for these still involved.

I also maintain I lost out on a developmental stage; when my friends were out going to the cinema, meeting boys, maybe trying alcohol; I was off on weekends talking about evangelising and resisting the devil.. i strongly believe I hit my teens in my twenties!

I agree with one of the posters here who said it was great knowing 'this is it, this is now', and living for now. It's so liberating!! Frustrating when family and friends dont believe me and think 'Ill come back to the flock', and 'I know the truth inside'. I maintain as I have done for a number of years now that I never had any god shaped void in my life, and trying to shove 'god' into it doesnt work. Church tricked me in to thinking I had that void, but my life without church and god is what gives me purpose.