Originally Posted by perri winkles
Then in my opinion OP, and I know not many will agree with me, it's time for some tough love. If she isn't willing to face up to the seriousness of the situation, then it all needs to be laid out for her. Tell her exactly how much this baby will cost, how she won't be able to finish school, that she may very well have to find her own place. I'd say part of her thinks that at the end of the day you will be there for her and to look after baby, you need to let her know that this will not be your responsibility, it will be hers. I know it may sound harsh and others will say that a softly softly approach is best, but let's face it time is not on your side. I know it won't be easy to do this but she needs to understand that she created this mess and you will not be the one to shoulder the responsibility.
Thanks for all of the lovely comments! I'm not so strong anymore and honestly wouldn't do it over, given a choice. But it is amazing how strong we women can be when tested, and how much something like this can cause our world view to change 180 degrees
I do believe all parents of teenagers should be awarded some sort of accolades whenever the teen leaves school! It's such a huge achievement to get to that stage with any child, "difficult" or not.
OP, perri winkles makes very valid points. If your daughter insists on going through with having the baby it's something you really need to do for yourself. Have to say though, that once the baby is born it is extremely difficult/nigh on impossible not to put your life on hold because the bond is SO strong.
Perhaps it will help you in your resolve team fop, to know that, I'm now very ill and not totally capable of taking care of myself, never mind the grandchildren. Medics agree that the situation with my daughter is at least part of the cause, because our immune systems just don't work as they should when we're highly stressed.
Another thing you need to know is that if you suggest a termination and she doesn't go through with it, this will be thrown this back at you when you're disagreeing about her leaving the baby with the travellers, taking her out at 9pm, disrupting her sleep to give her kisses when she comes in drunk, offering to voluntarily care for her instead of the baby being put into foster care, offering to bathe your beautiful grandchild when you visit and find she stinks of sour milk, faeces and cigarette smoke... in fact an argument over heating oil bills can come back to the suggested termination, so be very careful how you tread. If you have a sister/sister in law/mother/best friend who might be able to talk sense with our girl, enroll them all in the effort, be relentless, but in the background and available. Don't be the "bit*h" in your daughter's eyes or the nightmare to come, whatever she decides, could be much worse!
I'm really sorry to be so bleak about it all but I do feel you need to know what's ahead, what is at stake. Had I known, I would have done as perri winkles suggests, and whether she sinks or swims will be a matter for your daughter and the professionals. At least that way, when your grandchild/ren is/are older you will be around and hopefully in good enough health, and have a longer life with them in your role as grand mother, and not as a wrung out husk with ill health.
About books on parenting teens, I had a whole library of them in the end! With my other children they worked a treat so are worth a look. However, for the daughter with the issues, social norms or givens just don't apply
I do hope you are taking care of you OP and are talking to people you can trust about this. Don't let the misty eyed, it's not the baby's fault people into your head, because believe me, it's the baby who will pay most for your daughters dysfunction. It's not something you have control over but something to keep in mind. You are in my thoughts and I truly hope it all goes better for you than it has for us.