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is it ever okay to wear white to a wedding?

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    #32
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    Honey-ec wrote: »
    It's not about trying to "upstage" the bride, it's about showing respect for a convention that's been in place for an age.

    Would you go to a funeral in a canary yellow prom dress?

    No, in the same sense I wouldn't go to a wedding in a floor length white ball gown. But a short white dress with green accessories when I won't even be in the official pictures? Yes I would.

    As for a funeral, while I wouldn't wear a canary yellow prom dress, I would wear a yellow tea dress with tights or similar. Its not what you wear, its how you wear. You are being extreme.


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    #33
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    ShaShaBear wrote: »
    Im getting married next year, and while your outfit doesn't at all sound like something that would be in direct competition with full bridal attire, I do have serious distate for the guests (there is always one) who tries to get away with wearing as close to a bridal look as she possibly can.

    I don't think it's bratty to want to attend any formal event and look unique to everyone else there. But when it's a formal event you are organising yourself, you definitely want to look unique.

    Plenty of charity shops have great dresses for a steal, if you're not the sort that's ashamed to get second hand designer dresses for a few euro :p

    What? As close to a bridal look as she possibly can? Im married and have had my day, the bride was there (couldn't tell yiu what she wore mind). If you read my posts you would see what I am asking and my reasons. I have no interest in looking like a bride. Been there done that.

    I didnt say I couldn't find a cheap dress, or didnt know where to look for one. ..im not living under a stone. I am asking if the dress I have, if accessorised properly will do, which would save me money and a shopping trip and if white at a wedding can be acceptable.

    Im almost tempted to wear the dress now to stick two fingers up to the narrow minded biddies :D


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    #34
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    Honey-ec wrote: »
    It's not about trying to "upstage" the bride, it's about showing respect for a convention that's been in place for an age.

    Would you go to a funeral in a canary yellow prom dress?

    Oh please. I haven't asked if its okay to full on snog the groom :D


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    #35
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Hannibal Smith wrote: »
    I am asking if the dress I have, if accessorised properly will do, which would save me money and a shopping trip and if white at a wedding can be acceptable.

    Well clearly some people see it as acceptable and some people don't. But I don't think "narrow minded biddies" is fair. To be honest I'd think similarly unpleasant things about people wearing white to weddings but I wouldn't put them up here.


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    #36
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    true-or-false wrote: »
    Well clearly some people see it as acceptable and some people don't. But I don't think "narrow minded biddies" is fair. To be honest I'd think similarly unpleasant things about people wearing white to weddings but I wouldn't put them up here.

    I have read and accepted comments bothfor and aagainst and have expressedythanks for both. But some comments are extremely ridiculous and very narrow minded.


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    #37
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    Hannibal Smith wrote: »
    What? As close to a bridal look as she possibly can? Im married and have had my day, the bride was there (couldn't tell yiu what she wore mind). If you read my posts you would see what I am asking and my reasons. I have no interest in looking like a bride. Been there done that.

    I didnt say I couldn't find a cheap dress, or didnt know where to look for one. ..im not living under a stone. I am asking if the dress I have, if accessorised properly will do, which would save me money and a shopping trip and if white at a wedding can be acceptable.

    Im almost tempted to wear the dress now to stick two fingers up to the narrow minded biddies :D

    Firstly, excuse me? I'm not sure I deserve that tone, as I was in complete agreement with your current outfit choice as being acceptable for a wedding. I was expressing my distaste for the "biddies" that love to wear floor length white gowns with perfect professional make-up and hair, with the full intention of upstaging the bride.

    However, if that's your attitude, by all means wear what you like :rolleyes:


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    #38
    moochers
    Registered Users Posts: 163 ✭✭moochers


    I think you should wear the dress, it is summer and it sounds perfect. Besides, like you said you are accessorizing with green. It would be a different story if you turned up in a white ball gown. Honestly, the world has gone mad, I heard of brides telling guests not to wear specific colour dresses and not to buy dresses from coast so that guests wont clash with bridesmaids. There is a recession on, money is short, if you do buy another dress, Id deduct the cost from the gift, I'm sure they would probably be more pissed off about that than what colour dress a guest wore. If you love the dress, wear it. Have a great time ;)


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    #39
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,250 ✭✭✭✭fits


    I never really thought about this until I saw a guest at a wedding last week wearing a short white dress and black shoes and bag. I thought it looked awful as you'd do a double take when you see the white, and I just wouldn't wear it now after seeing her. Personally, I would leave wearing white to the bride.


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    #40
    All4shopping
    Registered Users Posts: 82 ✭✭All4shopping


    If the dress suits you and you feel comfortable in it but still a bit unsure about wearing white, why not dye the dress a colour that would suit accessories u already have. Dye kits are less than €10 and come in a huge variety of colours.


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    #41
    StillWaters
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,799 ✭✭✭StillWaters


    You are clearly going to wear the dress. I dont know why you posted, those with a contrarian view to you are 'narrow minded biddies' in your view.

    So go ahead. You will look gorgeous. Not a single guest will think it's the slightest bit rude or look at me-ish.


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    #42
    westies4ever
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,456 ✭✭✭westies4ever


    Being honest? Not a chance would I wear white to someone elses wedding. Discssed it with the girls at work over tea break as well and they all felt it was out of order and no way would they do it.


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    #43
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    StillWaters wrote: »
    You are clearly going to wear the dress. I dont know why you posted, those with a contrarian view to you are 'narrow minded biddies' in your view.

    So go ahead. You will look gorgeous. Not a single guest will think it's the slightest bit rude or look at me-ish.

    If I was clearly going to wear the dress I wouldn't have posted. I was in two minds.

    But now I am going to wear it...it looks great on...is broken up by accessories...looks nothing like a wedding dress...tried it on for a friend who agrees it looks fine... bride wont see me...the other guests who do will see that ive done my best to de-emphasise the white. If they have a problem with it I'll never see them again to hear about it.


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    #44
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    I think white is perfect. It's all about you so why wouldn't you advertise that everybody.


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    #45
    michellie
    Registered Users Posts: 2,691 ✭✭✭michellie


    I hate when people wear white or ivory to a wedding. There are billions of different colors, is it so hard not to wear one like the bride ?


    My friends and I have spoken about this recently. I just don't like it.


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    #46
    Ice Storm
    Registered Users Posts: 938 ✭✭✭Ice Storm


    I don't understand why you say that the bride won't see you.. if you're a guest at her wedding surely there is a reasonable chance she will see you, or even chat to you?

    I wouldn't wear white personally.


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    #47
    tatli_lokma
    Registered Users Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    Oh for gods sake some people need to get a grip. A white dress is a white dress. It does not automatically mean the bride will be upstaged. I have seen people in dresses of many colours where it was quite obvious that they were trying to upstage everyone not just the bride. Those women are talked about more than someone wearing a vintage style white short dress.

    My own sister wore white to my wedding. I thought she looked stunning. She accessorised it with red. No one in their right mind would mistake her for the bride.

    The irony is that people spout out all these do's and don'ts and social constraints when it comes to weddings, and then forget that some of the etiquette also applies to the couple towards their guests. Despite what some people think, the only important part of a wedding is the ceremony. The rest of it is just a party, a celebration.

    The only thing I would advise OP is to check that the bride is having a traditional formal gown. If she is having a retro style your dress might be too close in style. My friend's sister got married a prom style 50's dress accessorised with red. So not all brides are traditional brides. But other than that wear the dress. Anyone who whispers or bitches has little else to be doing with their time and would do well to learn some polite etiquette themselves.


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    #48
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    I think the very fact that the question had to be asked shows that there is a possibility it could be an issue (for whoever) so therefore best avoided.


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    #49
    smcgiff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭smcgiff


    Hannibal Smith wrote: »

    So is it ever okay to wear white if its broken up enough or should I just steer clear altogether?



    You've asked the question and now you know in advance. Some people will think it is weird, some wont bat an eyelid. The bride may or may not care, no one can tell.

    When I have seen women wearing white at a wedding I've thrown a :rolleyes: and carried on.


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    #50
    Chattastrophe!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,284 ✭✭✭Chattastrophe!


    Personally I wouldn't give a crap if someone wore white to my wedding.

    However I'd never wear white to someone else's.

    Even the fact that this thread generated so many responses indicates that, to some, it IS a big deal. By the sounds of it, you don't know the bride very well, so you don't know if she'd be upset/offended by a guest wearing white to her wedding. Now, I think it's a silly thing to be upset by, and so might you ... But it's HER wedding, ffs, so why go against the socially accepted norm and risk upsetting her needlessly?


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    #51
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Lots of brides go for a prom style dress.

    Personally I wouldn't wear a white dress to a wedding.

    Look at all the thought you have to put into it already!


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    #52
    Chattastrophe!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,284 ✭✭✭Chattastrophe!


    My cousin wore a white knee-length dress to a wedding a couple of years back, along with red shoes, a red sash and red accessories. Not a "wedding-y" looking dress at all.

    We overheard quite a few of the Afters guests on the groom's side asking if she was the bride ... she even had a couple of people come up and congratulate her. So, if you do wear white, be prepared for a certain amount of that sort of thing - particularly if it's a large wedding.


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    #53
    tatli_lokma
    Registered Users Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    Tlachtga wrote: »
    My cousin wore a white knee-length dress to a wedding a couple of years back, along with red shoes, a red sash and red accessories. Not a "wedding-y" looking dress at all.

    We overheard quite a few of the Afters guests on the groom's side asking if she was the bride ... she even had a couple of people come up and congratulate her. So, if you do wear white, be prepared for a certain amount of that sort of thing - particularly if it's a large wedding.
    You do have to wonder who goes to a wedding when they don't even know the couple!! This is part of why I hate the traditional view of weddings where you invite friends of grannies and relatives who the couple have never met. Personally I would never invite people to a wedding if I didn't know them. I find that rather bizarre. To be honest in the OP's situation I would be declining the invite as it seems they don't really know the couple very well. Then the whole white dress headache would go away!


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    #54
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    tatli_lokma wrote: »
    You do have to wonder who goes to a wedding when they don't even know the couple!!

    Sometimes the invited persons +1 doesnt know the bride and groom, thats totally normal. Or occasionally people get invited through some other relationship - myself and my husband went to a wedding where neither of us really knew the bride or groom but my husband had worked with the grooms father for 15 years.


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    #55
    smcgiff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭smcgiff


    username123 wrote: »
    myself and my husband went to a wedding where neither of us really knew the bride or groom but my husband had worked with the grooms father for 15 years.

    That's a perfect example of someone that shouldn't be invited.

    Also, for my wedding we would have known those we invited well enough to know their +1. Mad thought I know :D


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    #56
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    smcgiff wrote: »
    That's a perfect example of someone that shouldn't be invited.

    Also, for my wedding we would have known those we invited well enough to know their +1. Mad thought I know :D

    Yeah apparently each set of parents was given carte blanche to invite 5 couples each (it allowed for great aunties etc...), but the grooms parents were from the UK and didnt really have any relations to invite so we got an invite. In fairness my hubby did know who the groom was and had met him over the years, but they werent friends.

    It was one of those bizarre weddings where there were 200 odd people and lots of people didnt know the bride or groom.


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    #57
    tatli_lokma
    Registered Users Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    But just because you are invited doesn't mean you have to go. Personally I would feel very odd to attend a wedding when I only had a passing acquaintance with one of the couple. Even with being invited I think I'd feel like a gatecrasher. Plus, I wouldn't be inclined to go to all the trouble of arranging travel, spending money on a gift, possibly spending money on a hotel for people I really have no care for. It seems a bit odd to me - in my head weddings are about celebrating the joining of the couple. Friends and family gather to celebrate this, and give gifts and well wishes. Those gifts and well wishes are rather hollow if you don't really know the couple and in one years time probably wouldn't even know or care if they were divorced, had a baby on the way etc.

    I know that often the +1 won't know both of the couple - that is fair enough, but at least the invited guest would know and care for at least half of the couple, and assuming so want to share the happiness.

    I've been invited to weddings of people once removed, shall we say - friends of the family who I haven't seen/spoke to in years. I never go. I always think it odd to even get an invite in the first place. If I'm honest the first thing that comes to mind is to wonder if they are having an 'Eddie Hobbs' wedding, i.e invite more people to get more gifts and therefore the wedding costs less per head. Possibly unfair to all the couples, I am sure perhaps some of the invites are due to parents having a number of people invited, but still.

    But we are getting off topic here.

    Personally, I think certain styles of white dress if accessorised with colour are fine. But if it was causing me a headache, and it wasn't even the wedding of someone I even know and my husband barely knows, I wouldn't go and would save my nice new guna for an occasion I actually want to attend. :p


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    #58
    ncmc
    Registered Users Posts: 4,852 ✭✭✭ncmc


    It's funny I was just talking to my SIL about this yesterday, her sister is looking for a dress for an upcoming wedding and had liked a cream dress, my initial reaction was 'no way!' I think the majority of brides probably wouldn't really care, but as previous posters have said, it's a fairly well known custom and why take the risk?

    I think if you need to ask the question and need to add countless green adornments, then you kinda know its not cool! It's one colour out of the whole colour spectrum that you're not supposed to wear and I just think why risk a) possibly annoying the bride and b) risk guests thinking you are rude. It's just not worth it in my opinion and I don't think that makes me an old biddy! Judging by some of your later posts you seem to be getting defensive about people saying no and it nearly comes across like you're just wearing it to stick two fingers up to the 'old biddies'.

    At the end if the day, it's your choice, as long as your comfortable and don't feel awkward on the day, that's the main thing. As I said, I personally wouldn't and I think the majority of people wouldn't, but if you're happy with your decision then go for it.

    Congrats on your weight loss btw, that's a great achievement.


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    #59
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    ncmc wrote: »
    It's funny I was just talking to my SIL about this yesterday, her sister is looking for a dress for an upcoming wedding and had liked a cream dress, my initial reaction was 'no way!' I think the majority of brides probably wouldn't really care, but as previous posters have said, it's a fairly well known custom and why take the risk?

    I think if you need to ask the question and need to add countless green adornments, then you kinda know its not cool! It's one colour out of the whole colour spectrum that you're not supposed to wear and I just think why risk a) possibly annoying the bride and b) risk guests thinking you are rude. It's just not worth it in my opinion and I don't think that makes me an old biddy! Judging by some of your later posts you seem to be getting defensive about people saying no and it nearly comes across like you're just wearing it to stick two fingers up to the 'old biddies'.

    At the end if the day, it's your choice, as long as your comfortable and don't feel awkward on the day, that's the main thing. As I said, I personally wouldn't and I think the majority of people wouldn't, but if you're happy with your decision then go for it.

    Congrats on your weight loss btw, that's a great achievement.

    Im not getting defensive at all (in general). Ive said time and time again throughout the thread that im grateful for all reaponses. If you read the first few posts I was actually flip flopping between both answers. But im not going to be accused of wanting to look like a bride and sit back and be pleasant about it. To be fair I put up with a lot of insults and accusations in the thread before I bit back ;)

    Now I see the thread have derailed to such a point im being questioned about how I got invited and I shouldn't even be going lol. Its not creating a headache for me at all...I think its effecting more people on here than it is me :D

    I think some people are missing the point and the intention or have read the thread title and snippets of posts added 2 and 2 and come up with 5. I didn't purposefully go out and buy a white dress...its one I have already that will do other than the fact its white. I dont have another dress that fits...its accessorised enough to de-emphasise the white...is nothing like a bridal gown and it looks great. And to the sarcastic person who said 'its all about me'...well yes...I am a major factor in deciding what I wear :P

    So again, as I said I have read and accepted both sides of the discussionand appreciate all the comments. .whether constructive or not :P


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    #60
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    michellie wrote: »
    I hate when people wear white or ivory to a wedding. There are billions of different colors, is it so hard not to wear one like the bride ?


    My friends and I have spoken about this recently. I just don't like it.

    Summer weddings are very hard to dress for imo. You only need to look in the shops too see the majority of dresses are various shades of white/cream/nude/beige, you get my drift.


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