Fear of Flying

Breezer · 20-02-2011 4:08am #1

Long post alert, sorry.

I am terrified of flying. In a couple of months I'll be finishing college, and the class is planning on heading away together, which'll involve something like a 12 hour flight.

I used to fly all the time, I actually remember loving turbulence as a small child, it reminded me of roller coasters. Now, even thinking that puts me in 'fear mode'. I had to get up and leave the room when I saw the wreckage of the Cork plane on the news recently. I'm trembling a bit and breathing unsteadily as I write this.

Having avoided planes completely for nearly two years, I somehow talked myself into flying to London & back recently. It was hell. I didn't sleep properly from the day I booked to the time of the flight 2 weeks later. Slept for about half an hour at most the night before. When I got to the airport, I shuffled up to the security queue like I'd some sort of neurological condition, was rude to the staff, grabbed my stuff back off them, ran off down the duty free corridor leaving my boyfriend behind, scrunched my boarding pass up into a ball of paper (how I was let on I'll never know), and stared passers by out of it like some sort of freak. My boyfriend eventually found me and brought me to the departures area, where I was terrified to look out the window in case I saw an airplane (in an airport :rolleyes:), jumped a mile in the air every time I inevitably saw one, and practically inhaled a large packet of peanuts and a bottle of water in order to distract myself for about 60 seconds. Then, when I somehow eventually got on the plane, I spent the entire flight in the foetal position (apparently a concerned flight attendant asked me if I was OK several times, I didn't even hear him), cursed the entire way through the flight (I'm told there were no children nearby, thankfully), and arrived in London an hour later with every muscle in my body aching from tensing so much. The return experience was better, but not by much.

I've been worried about this long flight for several years now, to be honest. I want to be able to go on the holiday, but I've no idea how I'd manage two flights of that length, and I sure as hell don't want to be the talking point of the holiday by repeating my London performance for 12 hours.

I've thought about CBT courses, but with finals approaching I really don't have the time, or the money for that matter. I don't want to fly drugged up on Xanax, and anyway, that's no use really, because my fear is that I'm going to die, and I'm just as vulnerable drugged as I am fully alert. The courses run by airlines are no use either, because obviously it's in their interest to get as many people flying as possible; I'd feel like I was being brainwashed. I've also tried learning about how planes work, which did no good whatsoever when I went to London.

I feel like I'm running out of options. Any ideas?

shefellover93 · 21-02-2011 12:59am

Heya Breezer,

First of all, I'm far from an expert on phobias. I love flying but I can completely understand why people don't like it. I didn't like the thought of flying, but once I got to understand how it actually worked and how prescice and thoroughly checked everything is.

All the major airlines around the world (The ones that fly big jets) have to be up to a ridiculously stringent set of safety rules. I can't understate how thoroughly safety is kept on an airplane, both with the plane and the pilots. Each plane is thoroughly checked everytime it leaves the ground, not a single part is overlooked, and if there's something wrong they can't just keep going and fix it later, the flight simply won't be allowed leave the ground.

The crash down here in Cork would not have happened at any major airport. All big airports are armed with a full autoland facility, you just key in the frequency, press the on button, and the plane pretty much lands itself. Also, all pilots follow checklists to the book, nothing is forgotten or left to chance with big jets.

Turbulence could affect your flight, and it is rather scary and uncomfortable to say the least. But

A) You're flying distances where the place flies at a height that isn't affected by cloud
and

It's one of the most common phenomena when it comes to flying. Every single plane and pilot is more than capable of dealing with it, so even though it's unsettling it's in no way dangerous whatsoever.

Here's a few videos I found which might ease your worries

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4RXQazW1Zg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDBbCjZCSLg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c1VVAdWgd0

Like I says, I'm no expert, but I hope I might help a little bit

Breezer · 21-02-2011 2:45pm

Thanks for that. The thing is, if Cork isn't a 'major airport,' it doesn't really give me much confidence in the airports of former Communist Asian countries. And while I know safety checks are carried out, the fact remains that planes crash regularly, with massive loss of life.

I've seen the statistics vs driving etc., I know the facts about how planes operate, I know how much training pilots get, I know what turbulence is, etc. It still doesn't help. I'm not like this about anything else, I'm usually a very logical person, but flying just provokes an extreme reaction in me (again, I'm tensing up just typing this post). I guess if logical reasoning could make the fear go away, it wouldn't be a phobia.

I know you're trying to help by the way, and I appreciate it. I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone else here overcame this specific fear and what they did to do so, bearing in mind what I said at the end of my first post.

bozley · 02-03-2011 8:16pm

Hi Breezer,
I totally understand how ur feeling. I have debilitating fear of flying too, so much so that the last 3 flights we booked, i got off the plane before take off!! I've never ever flown so I don't even know what im afraid off per se, its the whole locked in, claustrophobic thing that freaks me out. Ive ignored it for years, but lately Im desperate to go on holiday and I want to bring my 2 daughters on their first trip abroad. I've considered the xanax thing but to be honest I reckon the only thing that'll get me on the plane is heroin

I went to a hypnotherapist and started to use lifts again after 20 years, but it didnt work for me in terms of flying. I laughed at ur post, it reminded me of myself! Last time I jumped off the plane, literally, the stewardess wasn't inclined to let me get off and you can imagine what I said to her!! I'll never forget my hubby and daughters coming down the steps of the plane after me, me crying hysterically! I wish my hubby would get mad at me but he's so tolerant, I know I'm ruining his life too. I did a fear of flying course in the uk and it was ****e! The one here was very good but I didnt follow it up as usual

. I've been thinking about it constantly lately, and on sat we went to dublin and we got on the wheel outside the o2. They closed the door and I freaked and got off!!! So ashamed of myself, is there any hope at all??? At least you can get on the plane :rolleyes:

dlofnep · 02-03-2011 8:17pm

I hate flying, but I take calms and they really relax me and make the flight bearable.

Locker10a · 15-04-2011 10:24pm

Breezer wrote: »

Long post alert, sorry.

I am terrified of flying. In a couple of months I'll be finishing college, and the class is planning on heading away together, which'll involve something like a 12 hour flight.

I used to fly all the time, I actually remember loving turbulence as a small child, it reminded me of roller coasters. Now, even thinking that puts me in 'fear mode'. I had to get up and leave the room when I saw the wreckage of the Cork plane on the news recently. I'm trembling a bit and breathing unsteadily as I write this.

Having avoided planes completely for nearly two years, I somehow talked myself into flying to London & back recently. It was hell. I didn't sleep properly from the day I booked to the time of the flight 2 weeks later. Slept for about half an hour at most the night before. When I got to the airport, I shuffled up to the security queue like I'd some sort of neurological condition, was rude to the staff, grabbed my stuff back off them, ran off down the duty free corridor leaving my boyfriend behind, scrunched my boarding pass up into a ball of paper (how I was let on I'll never know), and stared passers by out of it like some sort of freak. My boyfriend eventually found me and brought me to the departures area, where I was terrified to look out the window in case I saw an airplane (in an airport :rolleyes:), jumped a mile in the air every time I inevitably saw one, and practically inhaled a large packet of peanuts and a bottle of water in order to distract myself for about 60 seconds. Then, when I somehow eventually got on the plane, I spent the entire flight in the foetal position (apparently a concerned flight attendant asked me if I was OK several times, I didn't even hear him), cursed the entire way through the flight (I'm told there were no children nearby, thankfully), and arrived in London an hour later with every muscle in my body aching from tensing so much. The return experience was better, but not by much.

I've been worried about this long flight for several years now, to be honest. I want to be able to go on the holiday, but I've no idea how I'd manage two flights of that length, and I sure as hell don't want to be the talking point of the holiday by repeating my London performance for 12 hours.

I've thought about CBT courses, but with finals approaching I really don't have the time, or the money for that matter. I don't want to fly drugged up on Xanax, and anyway, that's no use really, because my fear is that I'm going to die, and I'm just as vulnerable drugged as I am fully alert. The courses run by airlines are no use either, because obviously it's in their interest to get as many people flying as possible; I'd feel like I was being brainwashed. I've also tried learning about how planes work, which did no good whatsoever when I went to London.

I feel like I'm running out of options. Any ideas?

i know you hate flying but i think the best cure is in fact to fly ! The more regular it becomes to you the less you will worry! Why dont you book a cheap day return to Liverpool, Manchester or even a domestic flight !force yourself to do 2 flights in one day ! It shouldnt cost you much with no accomadation and if you book a cheap deal!
This should help you get used to flying and will make you more at ease over the whole thing! Worked for my auntie! Its worth a try in shouldnt cost much!

Breezer · 27-04-2011 12:12am

Well I'm going anyway. And doing a load of internal flights. The fear hasn't hit me yet for some reason. Gonna bring some Valium or something just in case it hits in mid-air though!

Thanks for the replies.

leanne11 · 30-04-2011 4:58am

I too have a terrible fear of flying, but over the past couple of years I've forced myself to go and do things and it's been amazing. I've been overseas and have recently booked a flight from Australia to your beautiful nation because of it!!!

The sort-of cure (I still get highly anxious, but I can get on - an improvement!!) for me came when I went on a cruise around the south-pacific. Now, this sounds just lovely, and it really was...except that for 4 of our 5 travelling days we hit wild weather with cyclonic winds and the seas were 7 metres. The constant rocking of the boat was just HORRENDOUS, and if I could have flown out of there for the pure relief of getting off that boat, I'd have done it. I had one insane moment when I could see an island and thought to myself 'I could make it!' LOL!

I had always had it in my head that when my time to travel came I could always go by boat. No way in hell would I ever go by boat. I was so excited to get on a plane and go home that the anxiousness dispersed to the point where I was actually relieved by the bouncing about from the turbulence. Ha!

The moral of my story is that there's always something worse?! lol, I don't really know. The real point is this: you've just got to do it. Take a deep breath, get on the flight, strap yourself in, close your eyes and put it in the hands of fate. The world is amazing, but you'll never see it if you don't force yourself to fly!!!

Clareboy · 30-04-2011 4:32pm

I really don't like flying, but just thinking about the wonderful places that I will be visiting after my plane lands helps me to get over it. One is much safer in an aeroplane than travelling in a private car. A plane is really only a large bus that takes to the air!

Ash Hypno · 30-04-2011 10:32pm

Hi everyone,

I am doing case studies in Dublin and am looking for someone with a fear of flying. My aim would be to apply my therapy and have a measured result. All applicants will be taken with the strictest of confidence and privacy and willing to give feedback and use a measured example of response or proof that the phobia has subsided. Please email ash34@gmail.com to find out more. Thanks!

theredletter · 01-05-2011 2:51pm

Having done a bit of research on this subject for my mother who has the same phobia, I came to the conclusion that there are two main concerns with people who fly. The first one is the least common, imo, which is of people who are actually afraid of dying because they see air travel as unsafe. The second one is probably more common, which is of people who are afraid of how they will react on the flight and think that the fear itself will kill them.

The first step I'd take is to do some thinking. If you are afraid of the actual plane and the flight then the best thing to do would be to educate yourself on air travel. More people die on the roads than in the sky, a plane lands ever three seconds or whatever, meaning that millions and millions of people fly safely a year. When concord was pulled, for example, it was more down to the fact it was too expensive to run with little interest in it, not because of that one accident. Basically, it is highly unlikely to be involved in an airtravel accident. My father and grandfather are both pilots and both informed me how difficult it is to be in an accident - the safety checks alone done by engineers (and all checks are done like three-four times) ensure its safety. The training the pilots have to do is enormous and they know exactly how to deal with the aircraft in terms of emergencies.

If you are more afraid of the fear of flying, facing it through exposure is the best form of treatment. What you're doing with the big flight is called 'flooding' which is a form of exposure through a reasonably sized challenge. Anticipation of the actual flight is usually the worst part of it, and from what you told me about the flight to London it seems like panic was your major problem. Xanax will calm you down (but your fear of being vulnerable in a safe environment is a bit telling) but try to go without it. You will show yourself that you can make the trip without any of the safety crutches.

I realise you're in final year, and can't commit to C.B.T., but you could buy a book on it and read it leisurely when taking breaks from studying. Fear of flying is VERY common and is VERY treatable. My mother got over it by doing 10 flights in one year. She now loves flying. Funny little thing it is, fear!

JessicaRabbit · 13-11-2011 12:34pm

Breezer wrote: »

Well I'm going anyway. And doing a load of internal flights. The fear hasn't hit me yet for some reason. Gonna bring some Valium or something just in case it hits in mid-air though!

Thanks for the replies.

Hi, I was just interested to hear how you got on with the flight/flights.

As somebody who suddenly developed a fear of flying some years back I can totally understand where you are coming from.

Flying never bothered me until around 5/6 years ago - in fact I loved flying and had been on several long and short flights. However, approximately 6 months after my first baby was born myself and my husband went for a long weekend to England, and for the first time sitting on a plane I suffered what I can only describe as a panic attack - I felt dizzy and short of breath and felt that all I wanted to do was get off that plane. I could only put this down to this being the first time flying after the birth of my child and I guess it was the fear of something happening to us - together with the separation from my baby that triggered this. The return trip was pretty much the same, although alleviated slightly by having a couple of drinks before boarding the plane to help me relax - but I wouldn't recommend that either as a means of overcoming the fear.

I positively avoided flying since then until a few days ago - when I had to make a return trip to England in one day by myself. Ever since I booked the flights I was in a state of anxiety and felt sick whenever I thought about having to fly. I was positive that I was going to go through the exact same experience as previously and thought seriously several times of cancelling the trip. However, I somehow managed to keep myself calm getting on the flight, took a lot of deep breaths to keep me calm and thankfully my previous experience did not repeat itself. And once the plane was up in the air I just felt a sense of relief that I hadn't panicked and actually felt quite proud of myself. I was then fine for making the return trip later that evening, and must say I felt a sense of achievement. Prior to the flights I had even considered taking the trip in a boat just to avoid having to go on a plane! But I knew that if I didn't do it this time I could well try and avoid flying for the rest of my life - and this was the last thing I wanted to happen.

Anyway, that is my story and I hope that it is of some help.:o

jcf · 09-12-2011 2:25pm

Hi OP,
I know you already said you have seen the stats v driving - but the statement "planes crash regularly with massive loss of life isn't really true" - there is probably less then 3 crashes per year involving major airlines - worldwide.

Also, I read somewhere that for you to be killed in a plane crash you would need to fly EVERY DAY for the next 10,000 years....

puts it into perspective really..

star-pants · 09-12-2011 2:40pm

jcf wrote: »

puts it into perspective really..

It's not really about perspective, given that fear can overwrite perspective (that can be the bigger issue).
Yes I'm unlikely to be attacked by a nest of ants, but if I see one I still get that horrible feeling.

Looking at all angles can help, taking statistics of situations into account may help some but it doesn't remove the fear of it happening.

Locker10a · 12-12-2011 8:42pm

Yesterday my houstmate and one of my bestfriends went home, she had to fly but has a terrible fear of flying. She had told me she hated it before and i said ahh sure you will be grand! And i offered to go to the airport with her. And while we were there i saw what it truly means to have fear of flying. I felt so sorry for her, she was sick, white as a ghost, shaking, its hard to describe without seeing it yourself but it was torture for her! I felt so sorry for her i really did! Before i witnessed her fear i just thought she was being a nervous nora and makeing a big deal out of a few butterflys but i was wrong.
She knows all the statistics and researches things online about flying and all but as had been mentiones the fear overides all logical thought.
My heart goes out to those who suffer from this fear, but flying regulary seems to help along with distracting yourself. My friend text me thanking me for suggesting she watch Father ted during the flight ! She said she wasnt nervous in the air at all and belives the distraction really helped.
I hope her fear will disapear soon, and for everyone like her, hangin there push yourself if you have to, it will be worth it in the end!

bigben121 · 13-12-2011 9:48pm

my story is odd, but anyway
a few years ago i was afraid of flying. But i watched lots of documentaries about aircrashes and this helped me understand why the accidents happened. I also learned that a huge amount of air crashes were caused my unknown things about weather , the planes etc, and how the investigators learned from these accidents, and now they wont happen again .

for example , well a basic example , back when jets were introduced the comet had square windows. There was a large amount of stress at the corners of the windows when it was at a high altitude , after a while the windows couldn't take it any more and an explosive decompression occurred and the plane crashed. But they learned that square windows are a no no , so now they dont hav them anymore

I found out that i had a huge interest in aviation and flying , now instead of been afraid of flying , i have flown a small aircraft twice. And want to do it again.

Dr Strange · 09-01-2012 1:47pm

Must admit I am terrified of flying. Used to fly quite a bit just over 11 years ago but it got graduall worse until one day I just couldn't step on board a plane anymore.

Haven't flown i the last 11 years but am actually considering it for March this year as the cost of the planned trip would be prohibitive if I go by sea/land.

However, ever since I made the decision to get back on a plane for March I have an absolute nightmare getting to sleep. The last week or so I couldn't get sleep until 5am or so because I was (am) constantly thinking about how it will be when I get to the airport, the wait, the boarding, sitting and waiting for take-off etc. Absolutely terrified.

star-pants · 09-01-2012 7:40pm

Preusse wrote: »

Absolutely terrified.

Not one to advocate taking something but if you're very nervous / apprehensive already, does anything like Rescue Remedy help you at all?

Dr Strange · 10-01-2012 9:23am

star-pants wrote: »

Not one to advocate taking something but if you're very nervous / apprehensive already, does anything like Rescue Remedy help you at all?

No, I must say I have never considered taking something. I'm not sure why it's just the thought of not being clear-headed when arriving and picking up your luggage.

star-pants · 10-01-2012 9:32am

Preusse wrote: »

No, I must say I have never considered taking something. I'm not sure why it's just the thought of not being clear-headed when arriving and picking up your luggage.

Ah no I can completely understand that, I don't think the likes of Rescue Remedy knocks you out - it's just a calming thing. You can take drops on the tongue or there are pastilles. We got them for my younger sister during her Leaving Cert because she kept panicking.

Locker10a · 10-01-2012 3:23pm

star-pants wrote: »

Ah no I can completely understand that, I don't think the likes of Rescue Remedy knocks you out - it's just a calming thing. You can take drops on the tongue or there are pastilles. We got them for my younger sister during her Leaving Cert because she kept panicking.

Well i find rescue remedy to be sh*te in general! Maby it works for other people but i have yet to meet one of them! When it comes to fear of flying and taking something to calm your nerves, well unless you get something very strong it will do no good ! But if you are really suffering then maby you should go to you doctor and see what they can do for you!

star-pants · 10-01-2012 3:34pm

I think she was looking to not take something strong which was why I was suggesting something that might just calm the nerves slightly so they may not take over.
I know a good few that Rescue Remedy works for, again not everything works on different people.
There are alternatives that others might suggest in the sense of hypnotherapy or other treatments but if the flight is soon there may not be time to implement such a therapy.

Dr Strange · 10-01-2012 9:34pm

Yes, the flight is in March. I may still turn around in the last moment (a week or so before) and just come up with rail and sail tickets instead. ;-)

I haven't spoken to my doctor about it...yet. The probloem with sedatives is that they usually do not work for me or at least in the doses given. I had a colonoscopy a while back, got a sedative and I was watching the whole procedure on screen. I know that the sedative is not a general anaesthetic but I heard so often that people felt knocked out or couldn't remember the procedures. I was wide awake and chatting quite nicely with the doc.

Hypnotherapy probably won't work for me either. You have to be open to that kind of therapy and I am highly sceptical of this.

Locker10a · 10-01-2012 10:11pm

Preusse wrote: »

Yes, the flight is in March. I may still turn around in the last moment (a week or so before) and just come up with rail and sail tickets instead. ;-)

I haven't spoken to my doctor about it...yet. The probloem with sedatives is that they usually do not work for me or at least in the doses given. I had a colonoscopy a while back, got a sedative and I was watching the whole procedure on screen. I know that the sedative is not a general anaesthetic but I heard so often that people felt knocked out or couldn't remember the procedures. I was wide awake and chatting quite nicely with the doc.

Hypnotherapy probably won't work for me either. You have to be open to that kind of therapy and I am highly sceptical of this.

I understand how stressful the experience is ! I recently brought a friends to the airport ! She took some pills and they were of zero help! In the airport she turned into a different person with fear! Any way she got on the flight and mailed me to say the flight was fantastic and its wasnt half as bad as she was telling her self it would be ! So my advice would be to force yourself on the plane. If its the hardst thing you have ever done in you entire life do it ! Its not as bad as you imagine! Im not going to even bother telling you "it will be fine" or " ahh dont worry" i know this make no difference to how you feel! All i will say is Do it, and the best of luck

Dr Strange · 11-01-2012 9:03am

Thanks star-pants and locker10a,

will post again nearer to the date.

Dr Strange · 25-01-2012 8:27am

I just saw this posted on AH:

http://www.flightradar24.com/

It actually helps me with my fear. Seeing all these planes going to and from Ireland almost every minute every day without any crashes etc. actually visualises for me how small the chances are of some serious accident.

Joe10000 · 25-01-2012 8:34am

Go to your GP and get some Valium, if the plane falls out of the sky you will be too chilled out to care.

Gareth2011 · 25-01-2012 8:38am

Breezer wrote: »

Thanks for that. The thing is, if Cork isn't a 'major airport,' it doesn't really give me much confidence in the airports of former Communist Asian countries. And while I know safety checks are carried out, the fact remains that planes crash regularly, with massive loss of life.

I've seen the statistics vs driving etc., I know the facts about how planes operate, I know how much training pilots get, I know what turbulence is, etc. It still doesn't help. I'm not like this about anything else, I'm usually a very logical person, but flying just provokes an extreme reaction in me (again, I'm tensing up just typing this post). I guess if logical reasoning could make the fear go away, it wouldn't be a phobia.

I know you're trying to help by the way, and I appreciate it. I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone else here overcame this specific fear and what they did to do so, bearing in mind what I said at the end of my first post.

Planes don't usually crash. If you look at how many 100,s are flying every day they are far between. Its different now than in earlier times and unfortunatly when a crash did happen it was used to make aircraft safer with regard's to checks, training, upgrades to aircraft. You would be suprised the amount of training courses pilots do to get you their safely n if turbelance is what your worried about why don't you not try to take sleeping tabs just before getting onto the flight if you have been awake for ages before it? Id imagine you can sleep right through. Wife has sleep apnea and her sleep doc told her if your body needs to sleep it wont wake up, hence if your awake for ages then knock yourself out with tabs.

butterfly84 · 26-01-2012 10:36pm

Im really scared of flying too but love travelling so I refuse to let it stop me.I always take xanax/valium plus I would have a few drinks in the airport/on board.It might not be the best thing to do but it definitely makes me calmer while Im in the air.The drugs dont knock you out or have you acting crazy but I find if there is turbulance Im like yeah whatever whereas without Id be sweating,heart beating realy fast,knot in my stomach etc...

I travelled all over the world 2 years ago and flew 4 times during the last year so I know its hard but I hope you can find a way to get on that plane cos its definitely worth it!!!

Dr Strange · 30-03-2012 7:51pm

Flew from Dublin to Berlin yesterday for the first time in over 12 years. It was grand. I am so delighted with having taken that step.

star-pants · 30-03-2012 8:35pm

Well done Preusse!

Fear of Flying

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