One-Liner Jokes

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but
don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve
food
in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:"A
beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste
funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home. '" "That
sounds
like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I
was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look
at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too
high."

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted,"Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't -
I've
cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

One dyslexic to another: Can you smell gas?
The other replies: Are you kidding I can hardly smell my own name..!

" My wife is a sex object -I ask for sex, she objects" -Les Dawson

How did Hitler die? - He saw the gas bill.

A brain and a turd walk into a bar - brain says 'two pints please'-
barman says 'I cant serve you sorry'
brain sez 'why not?'
barman - 'well your out of your head and he's steamin....'

A coloured man and a jewish fella standin at a bus stop.
coloured man sez " what time is the next bus due?"
jewish man sez " about 10 minutes you black B*stard ".

No offence intended.

Two cows in a field.
One says to the other;

"Did you hear about the mad cow disease going around?"

other says;

"Yeah, but that doesn't affect me, I'm a helicopter."

Did you hear the one about the crap that went to the disco?

He pulled a muscle.

BaZmO* wrote:

LOL. Surely you mean crab?

B.

Or CraMp?

...sorry

* He hides head in shame *

Posting this ‘joke’ cause its humour is matched only by my boredom

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?









Because it had no body to go with.

telling who....what?!

ColHol wrote:

telling who...?

Those who were not as bored as me,but took time out from their busy schedule to reply.